Dress shopping with narcissistic mother

posted 2 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Can I tell my mother that I prefer to shop for a dress without her?
    Yes, absolutely, you're a grown, financially independent woman. : (37 votes)
    97 %
    No, that's rude, you will regret it, and be grateful you have a mother to shop with. : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    for both my weddings i went with without my mother… the first dress shopping experience was horrible and probably foreshadowed my marriage–groom picked out the dress…. the second time i went dress shopping i knew i wanted to do something different from the first dress and i wanted my bridesmaids there to help me pick. after i picked ordered my dress i took both my mom and dad- my new husbands mom and aunts with me to see the dress for my first fitting…..

     

    i learned after the fitting my mom wanted me to wear RED full ballgown  with massive amounts of tulle…. i am so very glad i didnt take her with me.

    Post # 2
    Member
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I had a friend who has a mother with a similar dynamic. She chose 3 dresses that she loved and only brought her mother in for the final selection, making it clear that it would be one of those dresses. I think you should eliminate her if that simplifies things for you. She will likely be upset but will likely get over it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    736 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    jamb:  nope, I wouldn’t even tell her the next time I went. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2197 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    jamb:  Of course you can shop without her! You’ve already included her and she’s shown how childish she can be. You’ve already given her an opportunity. Go try on dresses on your own or with some supportive girlfriends. Have fun! ENJOY THIS TIME! It should not be about HER.

    Post # 6
    Member
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’m pretty sure we have the exact same mother. Since you’re 31 and financially independent, I don’t see why you couldn’t shop on your own, and not even mention that you’re out dress shopping. You need to get a sense of what sorts of dresses YOU like without someone’s unhelpful input. If you find something you really like, maybe you can ask your bridesmaids’ opinions instead. If your mother corners you for finding one without her, just be casual and say something like, “Oh, I was just driving by this dress salon and thought I’d stop in and there was my dress!” If she doesn’t support you, I’d recommend asking her directly, such as, “Mother, I have decided that this dress is the best one for me. It would mean a lot to me if you were supportive.” Best wishes and good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    5228 posts
    Bee Keeper

    jamb:  Tough call. You don’t want to give your Mom any reason to play the martyr, but you really should be able to enjoy gown shopping. 

    I say make it a point to go when you know she can’t….” Mom, I went with so and so to look at dresses, sorry you couldn’t go because you were at such and such a place”.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1491 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    You can definitely shop without your mom!  And given your mom’s behavior, I would totally shop with out her. Go by yourself a few times, take some friends the next time, and then put on the iron panties for when you finally show your mom the top picks.

     

    My mom was an absolute pill to be around for dress shopping. She hated ALL of my choices the first go round.  Ugh, it sucked. So I totally feel for you, totally.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I went without mom and it was amazing! (I went alone, and quite frankly, the most zen experience in terms of the wedding so far.  I got what I wanted without any outside influence).  Good luck!

    Post # 9
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I went without mom and it was amazing! (I went alone, and quite frankly, the most zen experience in terms of the wedding so far.  I got what I wanted without any outside influence).  Good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Definitely go shopping without her. No need to justify why you’ve shopped without her since she’ll turned any reasonable excuse into a passive-aggressive drama. But instead, find the dress YOU want and then present her with the news that you have. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Please PLEASE shop without your mother, and choose what you like.  She is a toxic personality, and you don’t need nor deserve it.  I would also recommend that you not share anything wedding-related with her.  This wedding is for your fiance and you.  If it were me, she would receive an invitation, and that’s IT.  No input, no MOB honor, nothing.

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors