Post # 1
Okay, I made the decision in early January to move our wedding to May 23rd. This put a little more pressure on the girls to get their dresses ordered, because with Chinese New Year they’re going to take a long time to come in. Of the four girls, 2 ordered as soon as we picked a style, like I asked them to. The other 2 did not. I did a mass message on facebook checking on their dress status, and some other questions. The two said their’s were ordered etc, the third said her’s wasn’t but would be soon, the last never answered. I texted both of the 2 who haven’t, saying I’d called the place and they said if they ordered by next week they could have them by May 1st, which is enough time, but doesn’t leave much time if anything’s wrong. One texted back saying she ordered it just now, so that’s good. But the other isn’t answering. If I call now, am I being too pushy?
I didn’t just terribly want her in the wedding, but I very badly wanted her sister, and there’s been a ton of issues between the three of us our whole lives (they’re my cousins) because she never got along with us two as well. She would hold it against me for the rest of our lives if I had asked just her sister. The thing is, in her sister’s wedding she backed out a couple of weeks before the wedding and totally screwed her over. So I’m not sure I can trust her to do what she should in mine.
I don’t want to be all pushy and calling her a lot, but this HAS to be done soon. I know she’s been spending money lately, so she can’t be too broke. And she doesn’t work, by her choice, so if she doesn’t have the money I do NOT have much sympathy. The dresses are a lot cheaper than most, and a good $200 cheaper than I spent to be in HER wedding, not to mention I’m buying all their jewelry, paying to get their hair and make-up done, etc. So what do I do? I was thinking I might call the sister and see if she could help, but then the delinquent might get fussy that we’re ganging up on her. >_< It’s really stressing me out!
Post # 3
I think you should be straightforward with her. I would definitely call her and ask her what is going on. If she doesn’t answer and does not call you back, tell her you have not other choice but for her to not be in the wedding. It’s not worth it for you to stress over her this entire time – it’s supposed to be fun, and it’s not when you can’t count on people. Can you ask her sister what is going on, or her Mom – is her Mom your aunt?
Post # 4
You should call…you don’t actually have confirmation that she’s gotten the info about needing to order by next week. And it’s not too pushy to get on someone’s case about these types of things. I think it’s pretty common, actually, for brides to need to hound BM’s sometimes. (I’ll admit to being guilty of being a late, though not this late, ordering BM.)
Don’t make the conversation about anything other than ordering the dress though, you’ve already asked her to be in the wedding so don’t change your mind unless she’s the one who backs out. I agree that would be pretty rude, but since you know there’s a chance you might also consider contingency options if she does. I mean, all it would really change is the processional after the ceremony, right?
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s being pushy at all. If she wants to be in your wedding she needs to talk with you about ordering the dress. My wedding isn’t till June and I’m a little aggravated mine haven’t ordered them yet either. I’m about to e-mail them today to remind them. If they need to be taken in that could take another week or so. I would try to get ahold of her!
Post # 6
Finally got a hold of her yesterday. She claimed she ordered it a while back and it "should be in soon." I really felt like she was lying, but I figured she’d probably waited so long to talk to me because she wanted to actually have it ordered, so now it’s ordered so we’re good.
This morning she texts me that it will be shipped on or before 4-17 (confirming that she didn’t order a while ago, since the girls who DID both told me their ship date was 4-3). Not a problem, that sounds about on track with the May 1st arrival that I was quoted. The problem is she’s saying she doesn’t think that’s enough time to get it altered. Huh? I know it’s not a lot of time, but it’s not a dress style that will need a lot of alterations, that’s exactly why we picked this one. I really feel like she’s setting the stage for it to "not be her fault" if she drops the ball. It’s exactly the kind of thing she would do.
I told her that it’s plenty of time, and worst case if she comes in town early enough before the wedding (she lives in Texas, I live in Houston), the lady making my dress can do it. She once made 4 wedding dresses from the ground up in less than 24 hours. I said it as a "like hell you won’t have it done" comment, but I’m afraid now she’ll take it as an easy way out and won’t bother to get it done. I don’t want her to wait till the week of! That’s a lot of pressure on my dress lady, and what if something goes wrong? Is there any good way to aproach this with her? I don’t have any hard evidence that she’s being lazy about this, but I have zero doubt that she is. How do I make it clear that bringing the unaltered dress here 3 days before the wedding is only an absolute last ditch option, and it’s NOT acceptable to just put off doing anything cause it’s easier to make me handle the details?
Post # 7
I think you should just let it go. Except for ones that didn’t come in small enough sizes, every BM dress I’ve had didn’t *need* alterations…it just looked way better with them. Don’t stress about it, it’s not your job tomake sure she looks perfect.
Post # 8
Don’t let yourself stress over this. She has the dress ordered and if she ends up not having it properly altered in time, that falls on her. She’s the one who will look a little funny on the wedding day. You offered your help to her and that’s all you can do. Just focus your energy on other parts your wedding that you do have control over. I’m sure with this BM things will work themselves out.