Dress Stress

posted 3 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh hun, I’m sorry 🙁  You are a BRIDE and if you want to look like a fairy princess by all means go get a ball gown!  There is nothing wrong with wanting to look like the radiant bride that you feel like.

If you would feel more comfortable in a simpler gown, that’s ok too!  There are a lot of really nice, simple gowns out there.  My friend even found a prom dress at JC Penney, ordered it in white, and looked AMAAAAZING on her wedding day!

Post # 4
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Have you looked at anything vintage? Vintage lace, or something slightly off-white I’m sure would look stunning on someone a little older. I’m not sure of your body type/shape, so suggesting a style is a little hard.

Find a good shop and ask for help. The dress I ended up buying and loving was one that I NEVER would have picked for myself. The salesperson brought it in as a last resort saying, “I know you said no beads/lace, but just try it on for the fit. I fell in love and can’t thank the woman enough for having the sense I didn’t!

It’s a big purchase, but you will find the right one! There’s no reason that someone over 40 cannot wear a bridal gown. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

@VanillaCoke:  I’m an early 20s bride (24) and I’m stressing to death about dress shopping but I’ve got it the opposite direction; I feel like I’ll be playing dress up in mums clothes. Your FI obviously thinks you are beautiful and he wants to be with you forever, screw the rest of the world. You will find something you love and he will love you in it. Look at those strapless gowns and ask if they can alter them to have cap sleeves or straps if you really want to. Good luck hun xx

Post # 8
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

@VanillaCoke:  I think it’s a big deal whatever age you are, us females we do tend to get insecure about everything I guess haha. I just saw pics in another one of your threads by the way, and you were rocking those dresses! Also, if you want a bit of inspiration look to some of the more “mature” celebs on the red carpet, I thouroughly believe Meryl Streep holds her own and sh’es into her 60s 😉

Post # 9
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@VanillaCoke:  Yep, I understand about the insecurity- dress shopping has made me feel like a chubby 10-year-old all over again. But I remember your previous posts and I honestly had no idea you were over 40, not that it would even matter. Each of those dresses looked incredible and you absolutely have the right to wear whichever one you want! 

Post # 10
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@VanillaCoke:  *hugs* I’m so sorry you have to deal with these insecurities, but believe me, there is NO AGE for love, commitment, happiness … and wedding ! I’ve seen many brides in their 40s looking stunning, and you don’t have to compromise on your dress because you feel others will judge you. I’m sure they won’t. Who will you invite ? People you love ? People who care about you ? Why would they ever judge, when they will attend your wedding because they want to celebrate with you, because all that will matter to them is to see you happy and in love. 
 
I’m a little bit surprised by your FI’s comment though. Did he mean he didn’t like the dress ? Or that he was surprised you actually had the courage to try a style that he didn’t expect ? We all try different things and it’s always hit or miss.
 
I wanted to say though, I really hated my dress shopping experience. I didn’t seem to like what was trendy, or what the majority of brides were looking for, and it was frustrating not to have anything even close to what I wanted, to try on. For exactly the same reasons you gave in your 2nd message : didn’t want too puffy, too heavy, etc. Not a huge fan of strapless either, even if I got a strapless dress (but winter wedding = will probably have a faux-fur wrap over my shoulders). Just saying, straps can be added if it’s all that bothers you. You seem to have a beautiful figure, so show it off ! 40 is the new 30, you can rock those dresses just like any 20 somethings !

Post # 12
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@VanillaCoke:  You can get a new dress that is in a vintage style. You sound like you are built like me. This was my dress, and it was comfortable as well as not being poufy or having a ton of beading. Please feel free to PM me if you want more info. I didn’t even know my dress was “vintage-style” until someone said something at my wedding, haha.

Post # 13
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Oh my God…I can totally relate!  I even feel silly on this board sometimes, knowing that most of the brides here are under age 35.    Have you tried looking at Tadashi Shoji’s website?  I bought this gown (which I loved, but my future daughters and best friend felt was not “bridal” enough):

So I went to three bridal salons, feeling silly each and every time.  I mean…come on…what is it about “no ruffles” don’t you get?  until I found a great consultant who actually listened and pulled the one I ended up buying (and that my friends/family approved of!):

I still worry it’s “too much”, but you know what?  I feel lovely in it and I KNOW my wonderful FI will love it too.  So at the end of the day, wear what makes you happy and you feel good in!  I will be 44 when we get married, but I waited a long time for my Prince Charming, so why not celebrate that?  Good luck in your search!

Post # 14
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

There are no age limits on wedding dresses!  Get what you love! It is your day!!

Post # 15
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I felt the same way. I will be 43 on wedding day. I definitely learned which stores to go to in my area an which NOT to go to. I went to one, unknowingly, that was for 20 something year old brides and THREE times.. i was asked “is your daughter getting married?” i swear… I wanted to punch someone, REALLY BAD, especially since I feel that I look pretty good for my age. I was so pissed off.

i found a bridal shop that had ONE appointment at a time. whew! She actually listened to me when I said no frills, no poof, and found the perfect dress- for me.  Anyway, I went with a champagne-y color. My FI said the same thing when I told him I was shopping.. “You shouldn’t be wearing white!” although he hasn’t seen my dress, I am sure he will think it is totally white.

 You do WHATEVER you want and don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve to be a BRIDE 🙂 Chin up!

Post # 16
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@VanillaCoke:  I just realized you are in MA. Vows in Watertown is where I found my dress. The saleswoman that helped me (her name began with a ‘G’ and she was about 65ish) was wonderful and was the one who found my dress for me. They have a lot of samples and with your build it sounds like you would have a lot of options there. I wish you the best of luck!

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