Drinking BEFORE the wedding? POLL

posted 2 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Would you ban drinking leading up to the wedding?
    Ask just the one groomsman not to drink until dinner : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Ask just the one groomsman not to drink until after the wedding (but OK before reception) : (6 votes)
    6 %
    Ask the whole wedding party to refrain from alcohol until dinner : (15 votes)
    14 %
    Ask the whole wedding party to refrain from alchohol until after the wedding (but before reception) : (36 votes)
    34 %
    You can't tell adults when they can and can't drink, just let it be : (45 votes)
    42 %
    Other (comments) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    amanda.417:  I feel for you. The only thing I would say is that I don’t think you can single this one guy out without creating bad feeling and tension. Whatever rule you make (if any) I think it has to be for everyone

    Post # 3
    Member
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    amanda.417:  I definitely understand your concern. I think the best approach here would be a nice conversation between your fiance and the guy. As far as banning… you can certainly do this, but if he really wants to drink and get wasted, he will unfortunately find a way. I mean, are you going to frisk him to make sure he hasn’t got a flask of whiskey in his pocket?

    Also, I hate to say it, but if I were attending a wedding and I had 3 hours to kill between events, the bride and groom “banning” alcohol wouldn’t really stop me from hitting a nearby bar to grab a couple of glasses of wine.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6030 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It’s actually illegal to get married while you are drunk, and while I know you are talking about the bridal party and not the bride and groom, you do not need a drunk bridesmaid or groomsman making your officiant suspect that you are also drunk, and refusing to marry you.

    So tell everyone that they do not drink at all until after the ceremony, and tell the one groomsman that if he acts like an idiot, you’re going to put him in a taxi and send him home. Forcibly.  And either accept that they are going to drink during that ungodly 3-hour gap, or find something for them to do (at your expense). Send them all to a movie or for a massage or something.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    amanda.417:  My husband and I agreed that we and our wedding parties would be allowed one drink before the ceremony, and that anyone giving speeches should remain on the sober side until the speeches were done.

    We clearly communicated it, and the guys shared a whiskey a few hours before the ceremony and my ladies and I toasted with champagne. 

    Everyone was A-Okay.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    amanda.417:  So while all of our groomsmen were responsible drinkers- my husband didn’t allow it to get the point where anyone might be “drunk” or unruly.  It was easy for us though- no alcohol could be brought into our venue….so WE supplied the alcohol (from our venue) to the bridal parties before the wedding….so everyone got to drink, but it was within reason.

    My husband knew I’d be upset if they had decided to go to lunch before and get drunk- and he wouldn’t allow it on our wedding day.

    Is there anyway your husband can kindly share his wishes with his wedding party, and let them know he wants them to have fun, but prefers they stay within reason- at least before the reception?  I really don’t think that’s too much for a groom to ask his buddies….

    Post # 8
    Member
    5016 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    amanda.417:  I would tell the bridal party that your priest is very strict and said he won’t perform the wedding if he smells alcohol on anyone’s breath so please refrain from drinking beforehand. 

    Are you doing pictures during the gap? I would just not bring along any alcohol, and they will be occupied during bridal party pictures. From then on, if they want to start drinking…fine. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee

    nadnuk:  That’s almost exactly what we did and it worked out great!

    I had a mimosa with my girls getting ready, the boys had a beer while they got ready (more like pretended to get ready for photos lol) and then those giving speeches went right after we were introduced at the reception to lessen the likelihood of them maybe indulging too much beforehand due to nerves.

    Great minds think alike! 🙂 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    amanda.417:  For me, I am not a ‘fan’ of banning people from drinking, as I assume, those around you are all adults, and can make their own decisions (whether they be responsible ones or not!!).  If you are concerned, then you can absolutely NOT provide alcohol to your wedding party beforehand, or in between, or at the times you do not want them drinking, but that also may not stop them from figuring out a way to ‘hide it’ from you, or to get their hands on it…

    With that said, we (my hubby and I) provided alcohol to all of our bridal party beforehand, and during the prolonged gap.  Some of our bridal party do NOT incredibly smart choices while boozing either, but we also knew that WE wanted to enjoy every moment, and ‘party’ from sun up to sun down.  We went thru a LOT of booze with our bridal party, and no one was inappropriate, at all.  No one was falling down drunk.  They fed off our energy, which was happy, calm, cool, collected and buzzed (never crazily drunk), and enjoyed the day with us entirely.  We also provided food, gum, water – essentials to get thru it all!! 

    I type all of this knowing and agreeing that you do not need booze to have fun, however 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    1432 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Can’t you just express your concerns with him without “banning” him from drinking? 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1429 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think you’re kind of stuck.  They are adults, its a celebratory day.  I think the best you can do is not encourage it.  Don’t have your fiance providing a bottle of liquor.  He’s going to have to take some control over his groomsmen and ask them not to get drunk. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee

    Honestly I do not think you need to say anything.  Just do not provide alcohol where they are getting ready and you will be doing so many pictures after that there will not be a place to get drinks or time to have them.  If you see him drinking out of a flask your FI will just have to go up to him and say that this isnt the time or place for that right now. 

    weatherbug:  +1 to this response as well.

    It sounds like the other wedding you went to the groom created and allowed this situation to happen.  Also, guys at a bach party do stupid things.  Obvi not ok and no excuse for that since tensions are high however luckily YOU are not marrying him!

    He will be plenty busy and since alcohol will not be readily available I don’t believe you need to make a hard and fast rule. Congrats!

    Post # 14
    Member
    744 posts
    Busy bee

    amanda.417:  I’ve heard more than once of Catholic priests who have said if they can smell alcohol on ANYONE in the bridal party, they won’t go through with the wedding.  To be fair I’ve also never heard of them actually not going through, but I would just tell everyone to keep the drinking to an absolute minimum (if at all) so that you can actually get married as planned!

    Post # 15
    Member
    602 posts
    Busy bee

    You can’t ban alcohol. He’s an adult and will drink if he wants to. Your fiancé can talk to him and ask that he not get out of hand but that’s about all that you can do if alcohol is allowed in the facility that you’re getting ready in.

    You said that you’re having a church wedding. Are the guys getting ready at the church or is there a room available for wedding preparations? Alcohol typically isn’t allowed in churches so you could stick them there to help curb the booze. Of course he could still drink if he absolutely wanted to but having it not allowed in the facility would certainly be a deterrent.

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