Weddingbee boards

Bees,

My FI and I are trying to plan a ritzy reception on a fairly narrow budget.  What do you think of inviting wedding guests for "drinks, dancing and dessert," but forgoing dinner?

I'd love to do an alcholol-free reception, but my FI's family and their friends would NOT like that.  AT ALL.  Anyways, I thought we could save money and just do wedding cake and drinks, and appetizers only if the budget permits.  Is that totally cheesy?  We'd have dinner just with the family and assume everyone else could figure out eats on their own.

Also, what time do you think would be best for such a reception?  We're having it outdoors in Darjeeling, India, probably in the garden of this BEAUTIFUL hotel, and I'd like to have some sunlight so guests can enjoy the view before it's dark, but if we don't serve a meal, should we start after dinner time?  Or should we start early and end before dinner, unfortunatley missing out on the nighttime ambiance?

Any input would be great!

Ah, great question!  Actually, none of my family will be there at all.  Wierd situation, but it is the way it is.  No one but the bride (me!) is travelling to be at the wedding, so, I guess that answers that!  It's me, the groom and his WHOLE massive, Nepali-Indian family and their friends.

Doctor Girl,

I've been to India so yes, I realize food prices are generally cheaper, but in four star Indian hotels, one of which is our top venue choice, they are not any lower than they would be here.  Our budget is very limited and while you're right about my ordering two dresses, they were under $600 combined and I will be selling one, so I will have spent no more than $375 on a dress.  I'd hardly say that's frivolous.

Despite not having as much money to spend as some other couples, we would very much like to have a classy reception for our guests and ourselves in an atmosphere we love.  We have sacraficed a lot of other things to make certain parts of our wedding day exquisite.  This does mean spending more on venue fees, cake and drinks than what many people think that should cost "in India," but it's very dissapointing to feel judged over that desire.

I agree.  And yes, I think a "cocktail hour" invitation might be nice.  That's pretty much what I'm looking to see if people would find acceptable and fun!  FI and I are still trying to find ways to squeeze dinner out of the budget though!

Gah!  I agree, but the one thing I WILL NOT CUT is photography!  Lol.  That's our no. 1 priority with the reception in at no. 2.  We're going to forgo flowers and decorations for the most part because the venue is exquisite on it's own, but otherwise, I need to get some more price quotes to see about the real food deal.

Maybe we can pair down the alcohol options to save money?  What do you guys think of that?  How many alcohol choices do people really need?  Could we offer just a few drinks and then a champagne toast for everyone?

Yup.  That sounds good.  I know my in-laws and their friends love themselves some hard liquor (vodka and whisky are faves.  blegh.) but I don't think we should feel obliged to serve it on OUR big night.  We're not hard core drinkers, and would like to have fun without needing too much social lubricant (everyone knows one another anyways!) so limiting the booze might mean a nice sit-down dinner.  Although I'm sure some guests would prefer their drinks to a meal.  Oh well!  They say you can't please all of the people all of the time...

Thanks everyone!

IMO, i dont thing its acceptable. To each its own, but i have to agree that if you can't afford to feed your guests at that specific location due to the cost of food, then why not chose a different venue that is more affordable. I though most indian weddings were all about huge amounts of food. I'd chose a less expensive venue to be able to afford the food.

Hopefully all turns out your way, good luck.

Thanks everyone!  I really appreciate all the comments n' input.  While our wedding will be taking place in India, it's by no means a "typical Indian wedding" because it's not Hindu.  So no three day celebration here!  Lol.  And no one will be expecting it to be traditional by either U.S. standards (because they don't know them) or Indian standards (because they know our celebration isn't following Hindu guidelines) which gives us a lot of flexibility in our choices.

In terms of postponing the wedding to have more money for it, that's a choice we are very adamant about not making.  We're ready to get married and start our lives together, and our spirituality has led us to believe we should do so only after our wedding, if you get my drift!  As a young couple, this does mean sacrificing a lot of the expensive and elaborate elements that other people spend years to save for (a choice that I respect equally) like a knock-out of a reception.  Bummer.

Still, our small budget doesn't keep us from having good taste, and I'd love to host our celebration somewhere exquisite (since I've already forefited my dream ceremony venue.  oh well), which is why I turned to all the other creative bees to collect opinions on how we could make my dream location possible and nice for our guests and ourselves.

Thanks again everyone!

Honestly, ustwiggie, I'm not sure why you're asking for our opinions. You seem to have already made up your mind, and that's great. But why solicit opinions and then shoot down anyone who disagrees with you? It doesn't really make sense to me.  

I agree with the others who say you really need to provide food for your guests, especially at an Indian wedding.

 It seems like you've been stressed a lot over the wedding planning,  maybe you should consider just eloping?  

I think the part that some guests may be confused (or worse, offended) by is if you have a "dinner break" where guests are left to get their own meal after the ceremony, then join you for the reception.

If you have an early afternoon (noon or 1pm) ceremony, followed by a mid-afternoon reception, then there's no "duty" to provide a meal. Ditto for an evening (say 7pm) ceremony, followed by a late evening reception. Your reception is not over a meal time (either in the afternoon or later in the evening), so guests will have eaten before they arrived. You can provide hors d'oeuvres and dessert, with some light drinks. I think that's a lovely celebration, with no room for confusion for guests to know what to do in the gap.

So, while you're welcome to do whatever you want, it does sound like you are being considerate of your guest's experience. Hopefully, your guests will appreciate you being considerate of helping them to enjoy your reception.

Of course, I am in the North American mindset, like previous posters have also stated. I don't know enough about the Indian culture to know the etiquette and expectations. If what BaghdadBride says is true, then you may wish to have a very small meal instead of hors d'oeuvres and dessert. You may wish to consult with someone in your future extended family, or friends, who is familiar with Indian culture and can guide you on etiquette and customs.

I respect that you want to be married rather than save for a wedding ... but I don't think that a budget wedding means not having good taste! :)

Thank you guys!  I really appreciate the opinions and we've decided to serve dinner!  A large dinner.  At a different location.

At first I was unsure about this, but after reading all the comments and talking with my FI, I think it's going to be great.  Enjoying a meal together with our guests will really be fun, and spending a while evening, including dinner, celebrating our marriage with the people who will be my family is going to be truly memorable, even more than a great location alone would've been.  A few of you who mentioned starting off on the right foot with my relatives also hit the nail on the head.  Many of them will be helping me get ready for our big day, and throwing a celebration that everyone can enjoy, including the food that's such a big part of Indian culture, is absoloutley the right thing to do.

Thank you all sooo much!  I think we're finally heading in the right direction with all this!