My FI and I are trying to plan a ritzy reception on a fairly narrow budget. What do you think of inviting wedding guests for "drinks, dancing and dessert," but forgoing dinner?
I'd love to do an alcholol-free reception, but my FI's family and their friends would NOT like that. AT ALL. Anyways, I thought we could save money and just do wedding cake and drinks, and appetizers only if the budget permits. Is that totally cheesy? We'd have dinner just with the family and assume everyone else could figure out eats on their own.
Also, what time do you think would be best for such a reception? We're having it outdoors in Darjeeling, India, probably in the garden of this BEAUTIFUL hotel, and I'd like to have some sunlight so guests can enjoy the view before it's dark, but if we don't serve a meal, should we start after dinner time? Or should we start early and end before dinner, unfortunatley missing out on the nighttime ambiance?
I don't think it would be cheesy at all! Just make sure you plan time for everyone to get dinner. My suggestion would be to start the festivities at 8 or 8:30pm -- then it will be obvious to everyone that your reception is after the dinner hour and they shouldn't expect a full meal. I think a swanky evening cocktail reception would be classy and fun.
You would need to plan your event to fall outside of a normal mealtime, like 2 PM or 9 PM - or whatever outside customary mealtimes are in that area (they do range quite a bit in different countries and cultures). If you invite people for a 7 PM party or a noon party, they will be hungry and want to eat! Also, make sure your invitation spells out what sort of reception it is - along the lines of "Celebratory drinks and dessert with the bride and groom at 9 PM." That way there will be absolutely no confusion - or grumbly tummies - among your guests.
But may I make a suggestion? Are many people traveling far for your wedding? If so, you may wish to consider finding room in your budget to feed them. After all, they would have spent an awful lot of money and energy getting to India.
Ah, great question! Actually, none of my family will be there at all. Wierd situation, but it is the way it is. No one but the bride (me!) is travelling to be at the wedding, so, I guess that answers that! It's me, the groom and his WHOLE massive, Nepali-Indian family and their friends.
I think as long as you explicitly state that the reception is drinks, dancing, and desserts on the invitation, it'll be fine. I've only been to a couple of weddings in India (I'm not of that culture) and from what I've seen, gobs of food is customary. However, prices are typically $4 per person (for outside caterers) for a buffet type setup (I know, multiplied by like 1000 or more people times 5 different events....it adds up!)
wait are you having your whole family fly to India and then not even feed them a meal??? i think that's kinda mean... i just flew to another state for an indian wedding and they feed us for 4 days straight... but i mean it's really up to you on what you want, but i would be kinda annoyed if i flew overseas and didn't know the language/location and is expected to find my own food.... however if all your friends are local and you made the party later say 8 or 9PM i'll be okay w/ that.
Superstar, I think she mentioned in a comment above that all of the guests will be local; she is coming from long-distance and her family will not be there, so it is not a destination wedding for anyone other than the bride :-)
I've been to India so yes, I realize food prices are generally cheaper, but in four star Indian hotels, one of which is our top venue choice, they are not any lower than they would be here. Our budget is very limited and while you're right about my ordering two dresses, they were under $600 combined and I will be selling one, so I will have spent no more than $375 on a dress. I'd hardly say that's frivolous.
Despite not having as much money to spend as some other couples, we would very much like to have a classy reception for our guests and ourselves in an atmosphere we love. We have sacraficed a lot of other things to make certain parts of our wedding day exquisite. This does mean spending more on venue fees, cake and drinks than what many people think that should cost "in India," but it's very dissapointing to feel judged over that desire.
You're going to all the trouble of having the best hotel "classy, lavish, exquisite" but go cheap on the food? Your guest are totally gonna know where the food money went!
That said...if you make it an after dinner event...cocktails and dessert sort of invitation...it could work! Is this something acceptable in the region? not that it matters as you can do whatever you want...but it's better to know and to let everyone know exactly what to expect.
I agree. And yes, I think a "cocktail hour" invitation might be nice. That's pretty much what I'm looking to see if people would find acceptable and fun! FI and I are still trying to find ways to squeeze dinner out of the budget though!
I feel bad, but I kinda agree with V. It's a little strange to have a reception at a fancy place when that means you can't afford to feed your guests.
I have heard about people having fabulous dessert receptions, though. Usually it's later in the evening, and usually people provide a number of desserts -- not just wedding cake. I would really, really try to have as much food as possible. Cut out any unnecessary expenses (flowers, decorations, fancy photography) to ensure your guests won't go hungry.
Gah! I agree, but the one thing I WILL NOT CUT is photography! Lol. That's our no. 1 priority with the reception in at no. 2. We're going to forgo flowers and decorations for the most part because the venue is exquisite on it's own, but otherwise, I need to get some more price quotes to see about the real food deal.
Maybe we can pair down the alcohol options to save money? What do you guys think of that? How many alcohol choices do people really need? Could we offer just a few drinks and then a champagne toast for everyone?
At some point I was thinking of a signature drink but that involves Tequila...too much $...unnecessary, everyone I know drinks wine and/or beer...Tequila on the other hand is not for everyone.
Limiting your bar tab to exclude premium alcohol will definitely save you $!
Yup. That sounds good. I know my in-laws and their friends love themselves some hard liquor (vodka and whisky are faves. blegh.) but I don't think we should feel obliged to serve it on OUR big night. We're not hard core drinkers, and would like to have fun without needing too much social lubricant (everyone knows one another anyways!) so limiting the booze might mean a nice sit-down dinner. Although I'm sure some guests would prefer their drinks to a meal. Oh well! They say you can't please all of the people all of the time...
I agree with the lame comments. Sorry. I think that it will look really cheap if you have a nice location with no food. Why don't you wait a while until y'all have more of a budget? Didn't you push the wedding back for that reason, but then changed it back?
Bees,
My FI and I are trying to plan a ritzy reception on a fairly narrow budget. What do you think of inviting wedding guests for "drinks, dancing and dessert," but forgoing dinner?
I'd love to do an alcholol-free reception, but my FI's family and their friends would NOT like that. AT ALL. Anyways, I thought we could save money and just do wedding cake and drinks, and appetizers only if the budget permits. Is that totally cheesy? We'd have dinner just with the family and assume everyone else could figure out eats on their own.
Also, what time do you think would be best for such a reception? We're having it outdoors in Darjeeling, India, probably in the garden of this BEAUTIFUL hotel, and I'd like to have some sunlight so guests can enjoy the view before it's dark, but if we don't serve a meal, should we start after dinner time? Or should we start early and end before dinner, unfortunatley missing out on the nighttime ambiance?
Any input would be great!
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoI don't think it would be cheesy at all! Just make sure you plan time for everyone to get dinner. My suggestion would be to start the festivities at 8 or 8:30pm -- then it will be obvious to everyone that your reception is after the dinner hour and they shouldn't expect a full meal. I think a swanky evening cocktail reception would be classy and fun.
posted by MelissaB Worker bee: 136 posts 4 months agoYou would need to plan your event to fall outside of a normal mealtime, like 2 PM or 9 PM - or whatever outside customary mealtimes are in that area (they do range quite a bit in different countries and cultures). If you invite people for a 7 PM party or a noon party, they will be hungry and want to eat! Also, make sure your invitation spells out what sort of reception it is - along the lines of "Celebratory drinks and dessert with the bride and groom at 9 PM." That way there will be absolutely no confusion - or grumbly tummies - among your guests.
But may I make a suggestion? Are many people traveling far for your wedding? If so, you may wish to consider finding room in your budget to feed them. After all, they would have spent an awful lot of money and energy getting to India.
posted by CarolineG Helper bee: 422 posts 4 months agoAh, great question! Actually, none of my family will be there at all. Wierd situation, but it is the way it is. No one but the bride (me!) is travelling to be at the wedding, so, I guess that answers that! It's me, the groom and his WHOLE massive, Nepali-Indian family and their friends.
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoI think as long as you explicitly state that the reception is drinks, dancing, and desserts on the invitation, it'll be fine. I've only been to a couple of weddings in India (I'm not of that culture) and from what I've seen, gobs of food is customary. However, prices are typically $4 per person (for outside caterers) for a buffet type setup (I know, multiplied by like 1000 or more people times 5 different events....it adds up!)
posted by Yach Helper bee: 284 posts 4 months agoTotally acceptable its EXACTLY what I wanted to do and was denied it. I am sure it will be so chic so enjoy!
posted by ju1244 Helper bee: 254 posts 4 months agowait are you having your whole family fly to India and then not even feed them a meal??? i think that's kinda mean... i just flew to another state for an indian wedding and they feed us for 4 days straight... but i mean it's really up to you on what you want, but i would be kinda annoyed if i flew overseas and didn't know the language/location and is expected to find my own food.... however if all your friends are local and you made the party later say 8 or 9PM i'll be okay w/ that.
posted by superstar Worker bee: 173 posts 4 months agoSuperstar, I think she mentioned in a comment above that all of the guests will be local; she is coming from long-distance and her family will not be there, so it is not a destination wedding for anyone other than the bride :-)
posted by cupcake Busy bee: 646 posts 4 months agoI agree with Yach. Prices are so much cheaper in India, especially for food. Is the budget that tight?
Maybe I'm confused, because I seem to recall two dresses...
posted by doctorgirl Helper bee: 381 posts 4 months agoDoctor Girl,
I've been to India so yes, I realize food prices are generally cheaper, but in four star Indian hotels, one of which is our top venue choice, they are not any lower than they would be here. Our budget is very limited and while you're right about my ordering two dresses, they were under $600 combined and I will be selling one, so I will have spent no more than $375 on a dress. I'd hardly say that's frivolous.
Despite not having as much money to spend as some other couples, we would very much like to have a classy reception for our guests and ourselves in an atmosphere we love. We have sacraficed a lot of other things to make certain parts of our wedding day exquisite. This does mean spending more on venue fees, cake and drinks than what many people think that should cost "in India," but it's very dissapointing to feel judged over that desire.
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoI think is a bit ....lame...
sorry!
You're going to all the trouble of having the best hotel "classy, lavish, exquisite" but go cheap on the food? Your guest are totally gonna know where the food money went!
That said...if you make it an after dinner event...cocktails and dessert sort of invitation...it could work! Is this something acceptable in the region? not that it matters as you can do whatever you want...but it's better to know and to let everyone know exactly what to expect.
Good Luck!
posted by V Helper bee: 396 posts 4 months agoI agree. And yes, I think a "cocktail hour" invitation might be nice. That's pretty much what I'm looking to see if people would find acceptable and fun! FI and I are still trying to find ways to squeeze dinner out of the budget though!
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoI feel bad, but I kinda agree with V. It's a little strange to have a reception at a fancy place when that means you can't afford to feed your guests.
I have heard about people having fabulous dessert receptions, though. Usually it's later in the evening, and usually people provide a number of desserts -- not just wedding cake. I would really, really try to have as much food as possible. Cut out any unnecessary expenses (flowers, decorations, fancy photography) to ensure your guests won't go hungry.
posted by bluegreenjean Worker bee: 144 posts 4 months agoGah! I agree, but the one thing I WILL NOT CUT is photography! Lol. That's our no. 1 priority with the reception in at no. 2. We're going to forgo flowers and decorations for the most part because the venue is exquisite on it's own, but otherwise, I need to get some more price quotes to see about the real food deal.
Maybe we can pair down the alcohol options to save money? What do you guys think of that? How many alcohol choices do people really need? Could we offer just a few drinks and then a champagne toast for everyone?
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoI'm limiting mine to:
1. bubbly...weddings=bubbly, he he
2. Wine
3. Beer
At some point I was thinking of a signature drink but that involves Tequila...too much $...unnecessary, everyone I know drinks wine and/or beer...Tequila on the other hand is not for everyone.
Limiting your bar tab to exclude premium alcohol will definitely save you $!
posted by V Helper bee: 396 posts 4 months agoYup. That sounds good. I know my in-laws and their friends love themselves some hard liquor (vodka and whisky are faves. blegh.) but I don't think we should feel obliged to serve it on OUR big night. We're not hard core drinkers, and would like to have fun without needing too much social lubricant (everyone knows one another anyways!) so limiting the booze might mean a nice sit-down dinner. Although I'm sure some guests would prefer their drinks to a meal. Oh well! They say you can't please all of the people all of the time...
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoBeer and wine and bubbly is totally acceptable. Paired with some tasty (and plentiful) hors d'oeurves and some dancing and you've got a great party!
posted by bluegreenjean Worker bee: 144 posts 4 months agoThanks everyone!
posted by ustwiggie Worker bee: 138 posts 4 months agoAcceptable? No.
Lame? Yes.
If you're having your recepiton at a class reception at a ritzy hotel, you should be offering your guests a meal, IMO.
posted by briannie Helper bee: 264 posts 4 months agoI agree with the lame comments. Sorry. I think that it will look really cheap if you have a nice location with no food. Why don't you wait a while until y'all have more of a budget? Didn't you push the wedding back for that reason, but then changed it back?
posted by KateMW Busy bee: 721 posts 4 months ago