(Closed) Driving me and my bf crazy

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

this situation is difficult.  My then BF (now husband) went through this too.  Guys move slow.  He had FINALLY accepted “Ok, I want to marry this one” which is a HUGE step in boy-terms.  After that settles in, they get around to the when and whats.  We were together for 3 years before he proposed to me.  I was like you, got really frustrated, then finally said, “You know what, if we’re happy right now and plan on being together forever, whats the rush?” and I calmed it down.  Didnt mention engagements anymore, when he did, Id answer and brush it off.  The engagement came soon after.  Perhaps he feels pressured any time you mention it (again, a boy thing).  Once that perceived pressure stops, he might come around.  Long story short, your little boy might be attached to him, but he loves you both.  If he says he wants to marry you, give him a little time…

good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Welcome to the hive! What reasons has he given you specifically for not wanting to get married right now? I would be more concerned if he was just stating that you two would get married “eventually”, with no specific reasons why you shouldn’t get married sooner rather than later.

It sounds like he IS planning on proposing…perhaps he just wants it to be super romantic? If he is not giving you specific reasons for waiting, I would press the issue. But if he has given specific reasons that are sound, then I would spend time enjoying your relationship and not stressing too much about getting married. Then when the time is right, he WILL propose.

I understand your concerns about your son growing really close to him though – have you talked to your FI about becoming a step-father and what that means to both you and him? That could be another thing worth discussing.

Good luck!! We have a specific board on here called “Waiting” and it is filled with helpful, supportive bees just like you who are patienty waiting for a proposal – I suggest you check it out!

Waiting

Post # 5
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh and sorry, I meant to write “boyfriend” above, instead of FI – I have WeddingBee text on the brain…

Post # 6
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I see your dilemma.  I would suggest give him some time, maybe a month or two, of not talking about it.  It will be hard but let it cool down.  I am sure he’ll still be thinking things through and you’re giving him some time to do it.  After about two months set a time with him to talk and explain before hand that you want to talk to him about your future together. Then you can explain your concerns about when and how long it’s taking and about your son.  He can’t nag you and say you’re talking about it again, since you gave him some time.

Also, to help keep you sane.  Try and look at the things he does that show he will be around for the long haul.  All the little things he does could be great signs that he intends to stay and is just waiting for the right time to ask. 

Post # 7
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with the PP and want to say HIYA!! to another southern girl, I go through Pearl/Jackson all the time on my way back home.  I definitely agree with the previous posters.  Sometimes guys want it to be be their “idea” about marriage etc.  Unfortunately for them after you reach a certain age (I’m 29) it’s sort of like okay what’s the hold up instead of oh wow I’m surprised.  Does that make sense?  I agree with everyone else give him until after Valentine’s Day or let him know before hand: Look. I want to marry you but I’m growing weary of our conversations and will stop talking about it for a few months for our own sanity.  I definitely think we should set a date in the future to speak about this again just to make sure we’re still on the same page.  How about July 4th?  That way he can say yeah sure and then you can give him time to breathe you time to get your mind in a better place. And come July he may be the one to bring it up. Btw I did a version of this and while I am not engaged we are easily able to talk about weddings nad engagements and we both know that we’ll be engaged within the next few months…

And welcome to the Hive!!

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I obviously do not know the answer to this.  You have the SAME EXACT situation as me.  Read my most recent post.  I have a 2 1/2 year relationship with Mr. I’m not ready to get married/why rush it and I have a 3 year old daughter!

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think that’s a really valid reason, and one that shows how much he cares about you and the family you’ll create.  It sounds as though his main reason for waiting has nothing to do with cold feet – he just wants to be sure that he’ll be able to provide for you and your son.  I say sit back, relax and enjoy knowing that you’re with someone who takes marriage and parenthood seriously.

Post # 11
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@the nubian: how sweet that he wants to wait until he’s more established in his career 😀 he just wants to make sure that he’s a great provider for you and his future family!! but i still think that he should definitely have a time frame or a plan to reach his goals (if that makes sense).. if he does then sit back and enjoy the ride, if he doesn’t, maybe that’s something you could work on together?

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