Driving me crazy. Uncooperative fiance in planning

posted 2 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
3346 posts
Sugar bee

I would tell him straight up “there are no other options available”, and politely invite him to find something else if he protests.

Post # 3
Member
1204 posts
Bumble bee

I would emphasize how much you love the venue and that there are no other options. Try explaining some of the other details that you’re dreaming about and see if he’s onboard with your overall vision.

Agree that you should ask him to find an alternative option and then he might appreciate how difficult it is…

Post # 4
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

dmh426:  Have you set your budget? If it is what you want and it is within your budget, you will likely be able to convince him.

Post # 6
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Say “Great honey, can you find some venues with availability in Spring or Summer next year and set us up some appointments for next week? Then we’ll be able to make a well informed decision”

 

Either he will see for himself how quickly everything gets booked, or he will manage to find some options you didn’t. Either way, win for you 🙂

Post # 7
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

dmh426:  Lead the vendor into a conversation about how far ahead you have to book to get a venue in your area.

Post # 8
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

bettybubble:  Exactly, if OP’s FI wants to ‘possibly’ see more venues, he can book them himself.

dmh426:  Honey, even if he’s a procrastinator, don’t do anything about the other venues for him. Ge’s a grown man and can arrange anything else, and if not then it’s his problem, not yours. I hope you get your dream venue!!

Post # 10
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I honestly think that men just don’t get it. They don’t get that wedding venues fill up VERY quickly. I know my FI was astounded when I made an appointment to see my dream venue the week after we got engaged. I know it’s kind of a cop out to say that men don’t get it, but like you OP, I am extremely Type A and early on, I had binders filled with options & a preliminary guest list only a month after the engagement.

You need to tell him that things get booked up extremely fast so if you find a venue that you like & is within budget, you need to snatch it up immediately. That’s why research before you visit the venue is so important. I wouldn’t allow him to keep dawdling on this. If he wants to keep looking, then HE can do all the research, make all the appointments to see the venues. I think he’ll realize pretty quickly how soon venues fill up.

Post # 11
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

TunaCat29:  my FI is the same. We are having a 9mth engagement and he doesn’t understand why things need to be done in a timely manner. We’re also getting married in Feb which is peak season in Miami so vendors get booked up quickly. Last night, He told me he’s going to look for his suit a few weeks before the wedding. I laughed at him. 

Post # 13
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

dmh426:  I’ve just let it go and I continue to make decisions. Honestly, not having him be so involved has been a blessing. He doesn’t grasp the importance of a timeline and I don’t need that stress. Nor do I want to set up expectations of having a super involved wedding planning FI and be let down. I knew this wasn’t going to be his thing, and was ok with that.

He decided on our save the dates and hired someone to design them for us, he’s gone to our dessert tasting, and looked at the vintage furniture rentals. And he also did the Skype meeting with our photographer” Other than that, I’m working on it with my mom. 

My general phrase is, “I made this decision on the florals today, and the decor. Etc etc.  And we have a meeting with this vendor, if you want to go, this is the day and time” 

Post # 14
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

dmh426:  you just got engaged three weeks ago?? Sloww down and breath you are not the only one in the relationship…might want to ask him what he wants too

Post # 15
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

dmh426:  I finally had to decide that I was going to plan this whole she-bang myself because FI really doesn’t get it. The only thing he’s really cared about was photography and I let him handle that part. Everything else, I am handling with help from my mom & my grandmother. I pretty much tell him “This is what I decided/booked/picked for our day” and he’s okay with that. I am SO relieved that he’s letting me take the reins.

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