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He may just be trying to throw you off gaurd. Maybe he did get it and is trying to find the right time to offically ask you
He keeps asking me to show him what i like. and after i do- he gets slightly crazy. would he really act that way if he had gotten the ring unless he did and it doesnt match what i show him... but he knows exactly the kind i want, he had even pointed the same style to me more then once at different locations.
see??? its driving me up the wall
Maybe he did but if you've slightly changed it from what he already bought he might be scared you won't like it.
And if he's worried about how it's made or fordge or whatever, have you looked at green rings? green as in environmentally friendly lol
Oh get this- prior to monday we would watch all the crappy "romantic " stuff on tv, and comment and laugh about it. last night when " hitched or ditched" came on- he deliberatly left the room to read a book and came back when it was over. what is that all about??
i know. watching that show...sorry bout that =D
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straight out ask him... is there a future here that involves marriage? because it seems he doesnt have an issue in spending money - just committing to buying a ring by the sounds of it.
lol i agree with eloping ask him. and I had to wait a few months yes and he did get frustrated if i changed my mind on how i like the look of a ring.
don't worry i've been dying to see the show! maybe i could get ideas LOL
yes..he said to me on monday during the adult conversation* after i said i knew you were against marriage, he said " i'd marry you right now but this ring thing is hanging over my head!. which of course didnt help the situation...
maybe it is a matter of finances - do you know his real situation?
why dont you ask him to suggest some rings for you to look at and you can see where he is coming from to compare it with your expectations
What i don't understand is why he is so stressed over the ring have you asked him about that?
the thing is that i did. we looked at plenty of sites where its a great ring for under $1500 and he still freaks out. which is weird since he is fine talking about marriage and everything else. we even look at wedding dresses ( there is a store near our house) and he comments on the different once in the window display.
would any of you think he is being weird or the fact that he actually has to propose hangs over him like dead weight? he told me a while ago " i know i want to spend the rest of my life with you, its just the formalities i need to get over" " by i, meaning HIM.
his parents have been married for 40 years, so not that he comes from a broken family
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didnt get a chance to ask him why he is freaking out about a ring yet, this just happend on monday. im busy trying to not bite his head off after that conversation. im acting weird now and he is annoyed because of that. guess maybe im waiting for him to bring this up again and then ask him. maybe the train has left for starting to talk about this 48 hours after the fact, what do you think ladies?
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hmmm...well, what formalities are we talking about? what is more important that telling someoneyou want to spend the rest of your life with them, being okay with a wedding looking at dresses but freaking over rings. if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, then do it.
oh for god sake... slap him around a bit and tell him to get with the program
but wait - maybe that just me and how it works :)
"formalities" & weddings go hand in hand and inlclude alot of $$$ and legal requirements - will he struggle with this too?
or he could be trying to trick you - men can be evil you know
ugh, completely agreeing with eloping...
back him into a corner lol
but dont you think it would be a bit more "stratigically profitable" lol to wait till he brings up the marraige again or just strike at him when he comes home from work?
Kick him when he's down lol just kidding don't do that.
You know him better than we do. so do what you feel/think is right, just remember to stay calm about it. but do be manipulative. tell him this is driving you crazy and seriously hurting you
putting the fun away - i wouldnt pressure him into a corner unless you really really really know his personality and he can handle it or is the type of person that needs the push. ie, my FI (then boyfriend) asked me to move in with him, i told him i wouldnt live with him ulness we were married
i think you really should ask him to tell you why he has issues with the ring committment thing and could it affect things between you at a later stage. honestly, would you want to be planning a wedding if youre not 100% sure he wil be there on the day. if the ring is doing his head in, what would 1000 decisions and $10K+ do to him
try not to make personal attacks towards him if he peeves you off, even if he has to write it down so you wont react without some space first
yea...just really needed to vent this out. couldnt even concentrate on work for the past 2 days. man ..cant live with them , cant shoot them
thank you for advices :)
have you considered telling him that the ring doesn't matter.
friend of mine have awesome turquoise bands they got for like $35 a piece and I tell you what, I would have been thrilled with getting one of these when the time was right, however, the FH waiting because he wanted to be able to afford the diamond when there was a family stone sitting around.
I slapped him upside the head and gave his goatee a tug (it only hurts if you pull back)...now a common saying around us as I was hurt and started to pull back because he had been asking me to marry him since the first week I knew him. and he waiting far too long to ask I was getting pissed because the honeymoon was already planned but there was no wedding date. I was ready to threaten a separation unless he got on the ball. We aren't having sex til marriage and after 1.5 years it was starting to get beyond ridiculous.
But you need to decide if a diamond really means that much to you. They can be costly and if $5000 can be used for a downpayment on a house or a great trip, I think for men it is hard to see that there is any value. To a girl, the value is that you wil be taken care of to a certain standard and if he should break off the marriage or engagement you have a token for which you could cash in to help you out. But that is more important maybe for people that have a stay at home wife or for people a long time ago or just for couples with uneven earning potential.
The point I am trying to make is, is a diamond going to stand in the way of your happiness?
If you want to be married. Tell him that you feel guilty for having sex outside marriage because it could result in pregnancy and you don't want to have children outside of wedlock.
I wish you the best. But if it is just the cost of the ring, don't embarrass him. He sees vacations as a way to have fun with you. The diamond is just going to sit there.
vent away - its healthy
if men were easier to deal with there would be alot less self help books in the stores
im pretty sure he wants to marry me and will be there on the day. its just that ring thats in his head.
pffffft.truly noone knows what its his head but him, but he is man of his word. he sais something- he does something, never sais stuff just to say stuff.
maybe its smaking him in the head that once u get the ring it gets real.
watch hitched or ditched- people freak out all the time, but those people usually have not discussed the future prior to being forced to marry on the show
Mine did the same thing ( for years) he would talk about it and do nothing. I came to the conclusiion, that he would just say those things to make me think he was really thinking about it. It really was just an attempt to string me along. After 5 years(living together for 2 1/2) I moved out into my own place. We never 'broke up' but I felt better. I felt like he wasn' going to buy the cow...I was giving the milk away for free.
I finally told him if he wanted to be boyfreind and girlfriend...that's what we would be, but in different households. Every once in a while he would say "I wish we had 'our' place" and I would say "Did you go to the Ring Store?" and he'd change the subject.
Fine with me...atleast I wasn't cooking & cleaning behind him. I loved my new independence. No boxers sitting in the floor when I came home. No dirty dishes in the sink. It was a beautiful thing. 2 years after that...we got engaged.
Now I'm back to cooking,cleaning and 'planning a wedding'.
Point is....people (boyfriends included) can only do to us what we allow.
im pretty sure he wants to marry me and will be there on the day. its just that ring thats in his head.
pffffft.truly noone knows what its his head but him, but he is man of his word. he sais something- he does something, never sais stuff just to say stuff.
maybe its smaking him in the head that once u get the ring it gets real.
watch hitched or ditched- people freak out all the time, but those people usually have not discussed the future prior to being forced to marry on the show
one more thing, don't jump him with this when he comes home from work just because you are feeling bad. You will end up feeling worse.
Give it a thought.
suggest maybe a ring with a white sapphire. or just a little band. some day down the road maybe he can get you diamond if it is really important to you.
I think they are silly which is so hypocritical to say because my FH gave me the family stone, finally, after he got over the fact that I could careless about any of the 4 C's and that I would have prefered a spontaneous proposal over a $25 band than all the stress and worry of the one I have.
He knows...i told him i want to marry him and not the ring. and he is well aware that i will not have kids out of wedlock, at least that part of me is old fashioned :)
his friends are asking me when he will give me a diamon, or more specifically they tell me that ehy ask him when he will pony one up and when i ask what he sais they say he wont tell them. his best friend is getting married on my Bday and he will be a best man, he is all excited about that part.
talking to him about this would not be an issue- we talk about everything and anything. but since this did take place 2 days ago it might seem a bit weird if i just start without him taking the first step by saying something like he said on sunday as we were walking by the ocean" we could get married on that boat right there"...
He is definitely just trying to throw you off! My fiance told me all along that we would have to wait until the recession was over because rings are expensive, etc. etc. and when he proposed he revealed that he was saying all of those things to throw me off. It sounds like a similar situation, he just wants to surprise you. I wouldn't be surprised if he has the ring already:)
I'm with you on Costco rings... who the heck would laugh at AMAZING rings for a fraction of the cost at a jeweler!!
It seems like there are mixed reactions as to his intentions on the board here... I actually don't think he's trying to throw you off, but then again how do any of us know!? If he's getting frustrated & mad about the thought of buying a wedding ring-- perhaps there is more going on. Men really can't be rushed or pushed into doing anything, it usually produces the opposite effect of what you want.
I would suggest not talking about marriage or rings for a month & see what happens. Try it his way (as difficult as it may be) & let things happen "naturally".
Edit: I just read your last post & saw the comment he made. Okay... I really wish men knew how cruel it is to mess with a woman like that. All they have to do is suggest marriage & we become obsessive wedding planners! lol geez.. I'm sorry you're in limbo.
My first impression is that this really is about the money. It sounds like you've found rings that you'd be happy with, that aren't terribly expensive. But what else? Is he now thinking about the cost of a wedding? With the comment about the cost of a ring vs. not having a problem spending that kind of money on other stuff, maybe he's thinking about how the two of you will be spending money in the future. Will the good times have to stop (or slow down), for a new home, kids, etc? Is he wondering whether or not you'll question his purchases in the future?
I think maybe his idea of what he was going to get you, and your idea of what you'd like, were different. Maybe he's wondering what other matters that come up will you two be differing about. Maybe he's wondering if you'll require granite countertops and crown molding in your home too.
I think the bottom line is talking this out. I think some brides budget their whole wedding to include rings. So in some ways, I think brides contribute to paying for their own rings.
I don't know if I've helped. But good luck.
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So me and my b/f have been together for bit over 2 years, living together for 1.5 years. my family loves him- his family loves me. we are almoust joint at the hip.
so he is the one that brings up the topic of marriage, in detail such as where we will get married, who is invited, who will be his best man and my maid of honor etc.
we started looking at rings...tv commercials,in Costco ( dont laugh but they got some nice rings there), he had even asked me what i like. so i told him a princess cut white diamond.he said he had started looking at round once a while prior to him actually bringing up the marriage topic but now he knows its a princess cut,. these conversations started a good 9 month ago or so.
however-one day he was saying how expensive they are and i told him if he looks enough he will find some nice and affordable once. i told him i dont want anything over a karat that would be too big.
so he told me to send him some liks of what i found and i did. he came home, told me they were nice but he thinks this should be a more natural process. i got a bit thrown off but dropped the topic . he had brought the marriage up quite a few times, including this weekend. and here it comes- on mondays we were looking at rings online and he totally freaked out on me. telling me how expensive they are and whats the point of a ring anyways, it doesnt mean anything to him .
when i asked how come its no object for him to drop $1000.00 on scuba diving lessons for both of us, or a nice vacation to new mexico he said that doing those things together is a great bonding experience, while he knows what the ring suppose to represent he still doesnt get it and all of them are expensive. * he makes good money*, not that im counting it. im paying my share of rent, my car , all expenses, take him on vacations as well, and hold a full time job and go to school. so im not mooching off of him by any means.
we had a fight about the ring about 4 month ago when he said even thoug the ring doesnt mean anything to him he knows it means a lot to me. also i made it 100% clear that i want to be married before we have kids. and we discuss kids, their potential names, where we want to buy a house- all the future stuff.
so this is driving me INSANE- whats his problem??? i know he can afford it, and i told him i want to marry him and not the ring, but he is sending me MAJOR mixed signals. big time. he keeps saying how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, kids the whole 9 yards but why does a topic of the ring freaks him out??
he told me in the past that before i came along marriage was not in his vocabulary at all. im 29 and he is 32.
so what is going on here? im running on empty now. since monday my mood has been rather terrible as i am greatly confused and slightly hurt by this. i actually found a ring i found just adorable which is very cheap as well ( under $600) and he was getting frumpy after showing me how much a karat ring would cost. and i told him the reason that i would want a princess more then .5 is that on a simple band with white gold the diamond would get lost.
he got me a gorgeous white gold bracelet with plumeria ring with a tiny diamond in the middle- i showed it to him and said see?? its small ( he kept calling it small- not me) but look how great it works with the design. i dont want a big rock, or a small rock. its not the size- its what it means.
i told him to stop using the price as an exuse and he said he is not using anything for anything. so much for an adult discussion, heh. we both got upset and didnt speak for the rest of this past monday evening.
and he still had a major freak out on me and im starting to have doubts as to wether all he sais is an empty talk or what. thefeeling ofdissapointment is beginning to overwelm me.
sorry for the long post but im in need of advice. i cant even bring myslef to look at him- he doesnt think anything is wrong