- 9 years ago
So me and my b/f have been together for bit over 2 years, living together for 1.5 years. my family loves him- his family loves me. we are almoust joint at the hip.
so he is the one that brings up the topic of marriage, in detail such as where we will get married, who is invited, who will be his best man and my maid of honor etc.
we started looking at rings…tv commercials,in Costco ( dont laugh but they got some nice rings there), he had even asked me what i like. so i told him a princess cut white diamond.he said he had started looking at round once a while prior to him actually bringing up the marriage topic but now he knows its a princess cut,. these conversations started a good 9 month ago or so.
however-one day he was saying how expensive they are and i told him if he looks enough he will find some nice and affordable once. i told him i dont want anything over a karat that would be too big.
so he told me to send him some liks of what i found and i did. he came home, told me they were nice but he thinks this should be a more natural process. i got a bit thrown off but dropped the topic . he had brought the marriage up quite a few times, including this weekend. and here it comes- on mondays we were looking at rings online and he totally freaked out on me. telling me how expensive they are and whats the point of a ring anyways, it doesnt mean anything to him .
when i asked how come its no object for him to drop $1000.00 on scuba diving lessons for both of us, or a nice vacation to new mexico he said that doing those things together is a great bonding experience, while he knows what the ring suppose to represent he still doesnt get it and all of them are expensive. * he makes good money*, not that im counting it. im paying my share of rent, my car , all expenses, take him on vacations as well, and hold a full time job and go to school. so im not mooching off of him by any means.
we had a fight about the ring about 4 month ago when he said even thoug the ring doesnt mean anything to him he knows it means a lot to me. also i made it 100% clear that i want to be married before we have kids. and we discuss kids, their potential names, where we want to buy a house- all the future stuff.
so this is driving me INSANE- whats his problem??? i know he can afford it, and i told him i want to marry him and not the ring, but he is sending me MAJOR mixed signals. big time. he keeps saying how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, kids the whole 9 yards but why does a topic of the ring freaks him out??
he told me in the past that before i came along marriage was not in his vocabulary at all. im 29 and he is 32.
so what is going on here? im running on empty now. since monday my mood has been rather terrible as i am greatly confused and slightly hurt by this. i actually found a ring i found just adorable which is very cheap as well ( under $600) and he was getting frumpy after showing me how much a karat ring would cost. and i told him the reason that i would want a princess more then .5 is that on a simple band with white gold the diamond would get lost.
he got me a gorgeous white gold bracelet with plumeria ring with a tiny diamond in the middle- i showed it to him and said see?? its small ( he kept calling it small- not me) but look how great it works with the design. i dont want a big rock, or a small rock. its not the size- its what it means.
i told him to stop using the price as an exuse and he said he is not using anything for anything. so much for an adult discussion, heh. we both got upset and didnt speak for the rest of this past monday evening.
and he still had a major freak out on me and im starting to have doubts as to wether all he sais is an empty talk or what. thefeeling ofdissapointment is beginning to overwelm me.
sorry for the long post but im in need of advice. i cant even bring myslef to look at him- he doesnt think anything is wrong