Post # 1
Hi all you smart bees! Give me some perspective on this plan. It has some major sacrifices so I can’t tell if it’s smart or crazy.
My FI and I are trying to coordinate our school plans and career. I’m starting a 2 yr Master’s at the end of the summer. It’s an intense program with intense recruiting- at the end I will have options of great paying jobs with great companies (yay) but will have to go with the flow geographically unless I want to give up those first two perks (boo).
There’s a certain 2 yr program my FI wants to do, a health professional available at many community colleges. The closest ones now are 50 minutes away, and it is too late to apply for this upcoming year. We will definitely only live in this town I’m doing my Master’s in for these 2 years, so if he did attend one of those starting next year he’d be a year out of sync with me.
He could wait til I finish, and then hope there’s a close enough school wherever we move that he could do his 2 year at. There could be a school right in town… there could not. An extra concern is that we may end up saddled with out-of-state tuition at that point, which could be several thousand dollars more.
Our other idea: one of the 50 mins away schools is an hour away from our hometown. He could start next year, do one year while living with me, and the second year while staying with his mom. The sacrifice is that I will have to move to a new location to follow my job without him. (If this program was more typical, I could try to get a job where his school is, but I would be shooting us both in the foot if I passed on the better options.) So for one academic year we will live apart (wahh), and he will have to deal with a 50-60 min commute the whole time with school.
Is the second idea a solution, or is it crazy? People do stuff like that all the time right? And 50-60 min commute (highway driving) isn’t awesome, but a person could still enjoy life and pull it off right? Anyone ever been any similar scenarios, from any aspect?
Post # 2
My BIL did a program 50-60 minutes away from the city he and his wife live in. I think it would have worked better if he wasn’t carpooling and didn’t have kids, and it was something he 100% wanted to do. None of these were true, and it didn’t work out well for him. I would work to limit other stressers if you are going to do it this way, but it isn’t un-doable. I live in a city where a lot of people commute to a college that is 50-60 minutes away, and it works out for some, but not others. It really depends if you are driven in what you are doing.
Post # 3
chillinchillin: I personally would deal with the distance and start both programs ASAP. It’s just far enough that a daily commute of 2 hours around trip may impact his ability to perform in class.
Why not hang out on the weekends + one evening per week? It minimizes the commute but isn’t a true LDR.
Also, once you get your baller job, you could afford to fly back and forth pretty easily. Not easy, but worth it if you want to lean in to both your career and personal life.
Currently, I take the train an hour each way for work which is only doable because I can sleep, send email, etc. on the train. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I were driving. I hate it, but I can’t afford to move closer and it’s possible that my company might move closer to where I currently live (thus negating any benefit / setting myself up for another move).
Post # 4
chillinchillin: My FI stayed in our hometown when I went to college. I stayed at a family member’s house and commuted 50-60 minutes each way for undergrad while in a 1000 mile LDR with him. I only came home during the summer and breaks (Christmas, Spring). When I was home though I did get to live with him. I graduated on May 1st, moved back home for good on May 2nd, and got married May 17th. I will be starting a graduate program in the fall that requires an hour long commute each way every day.
I honestly didn’t mind commuting. Yeah it sucked when I had early morning classes. But it was worth it to me to get to live where I was living. The commute was a good time to listen to music, relax, and sometimes even study. I would put videos of the topics that I needed to know on my Ipod and then plug it into my car and listen to the videos while driving. It worked very well!
Post # 5
Agree with bitsybee. Deal with the distance and start both programs ASAP. We did long distance for 4 years due to school, it’s hard but time goes sooner than you’d think. I also live in a city which means regular commutes for everyone, so it’s doable. One year out of sync isn’t a big deal. It was the same for us, since he was one year older. For him to wait isn’t the best investment long term. Not to mention, while you’re in your programs, you will probably be very busy due to them, so it’s best to both get it done sooner than later.
Post # 6
chillinchillin: FI and I were figuring out a similar thing about a year and a half ago. He was applying to law schools and I wanted to apply to grad schools for teaching. We didn’t know where he was going to end up – and ultimately, I decided just to wait a year until his plans were settled and we knew what city we’d be living in. It all worked out, and he ended up getting into his first choice school in our current city and I started grad school about a month ago, also in our city (actually, at the same school). For us, long distance wouldn’t have been worth it. I was willing to put my career on hold for a year while he figured things out (but I also had a good job that I really enjoyed). For one, there are a million teacher education programs, so I could have gone to school wherever, and secondly, because his career will end up being the one that primarily supports us in the long run.
I think LDRs can and do work fine, though! You just have to determine what’s most important to you both.
Post # 7
Why doesn’t he wait until after you’re done and move to start? If it’s a common program in many community colleges, then there will probably be one within an hour of where you get a job. This way he can work while you’re in school, then you can work while he’s in school. I’m not against LDRs in any way (been in one for 7 years with my FI), but considering he can go to school at pretty any community college and doesn’t have to worry about getting accepted somewhere, it seems silly to do LDR for it.
Post # 8
Personally, I wouldn’t expect my FI to put his education on hold for me. If there is going to be any resentment about putting it on hold then I would tell him to go ahead and start school when he can. Being in a long distance relationship would be hard, but I think having pent up resentment might be worse :[
Post # 9
chillinchillin: I would do the thing where he’s close to his home town. One year of long distance is not the end of the world, especially since it’ll have a clear end date and you’ll both come out of it with better career options.
I’ve done a LOT of LD with my DH for career and other reasons and it’s do able. Annoying at times, but do able.
Post # 10
Could he start the program at your current location and look at the option of transferring credits to a nearby school if/when you move? If it’s a common major in the medical field, the classes he’d take may be the same anyway!