I am so sorry to hear you’re having to go through this- it definitely isn’t fun. I’m sending best wishes your way and I hope you find the happiness you deserve! I ended an engagement and cancelled the wedding about a year ago, so I feel for you. Just know life gets better. Since then, I met and am now engaged to the right person for me. That will happen for you! Until it does, focus on doing things for you- things you didn’t or couldn’t do in your relationship. I added a minor to my studies, which caused me to stay another year at university. My ex had never approved of me adding a minor because he hated the subject, but when I broke up with him, I GOT TO! And I love my classes!
-Has anyone who has had a serious breakup/canceled a wedding found themselves fixating on dumb practical details like how hard it will be to move his stuff out and which dishes are yours etc?
Focusing on the trivial things is totally normal- I did the exact same thing. I had DIY’d these really neat invitations- had spent over an hour on EACH invitation. When I was debating ending things, I could NOT get those invitations out of my head. What was I going to do with them? Would my dad, who helped me make them, be mad I wasn’t going to use them? etc.
-Some people gave us engagement gifts, do I give them back? Is it helpful to give my aunt back a now-used toaster? Etc
Like PP said, you can offer, but I found with mine that nobody really even let me finish my offer to give something back.
-I really don’t want to tell people I know/intrusive relatives/etc the details of my relationship. Are people going to pry? How much do I need to tell them?
I was SO surprised people didn’t pry. Okay, that’s not true. Nobody who loved me and I was even semi-close to pried at all. They let me tell them what I wanted to tell them and didn’t press the issue. However, when my relationship status changed on Facebook, I found that all these randos I hadn’t talked to for YEARS were coming out of the woodwork wanting details. Fortunately, those are the easiest to ignore, and not one person got a reply!
-Will I ever stop seeing advertisements on facebook etc for wedding stuff?
Yes, it’s based on your FB activity. When you’re listed as “engaged”, it shows you a bunch of engagement ads. Mine disappeared instantly.
-Will my vendors hate me? They are all really nice and I feel terrible about canceling on them. Wedding was supposed to me 8 months from now, can they book new clients for my date?
They won’t hate you!!! Nobody gave me a hard time cancelling anything. They all just wished me the best, and I cancelled mine right about the same time as yours- 8ish months out.
-If I ever get engaged again, should I have the same girls as BMs? They haven’t spent any money on my wedding– we haven’t gotten BM dresses yet or anything. Would they be offended to not be asked, or like irritated to be asked twice?
I happened to meet the love of my life within a month of ending my engagement. We got engaged in April and I asked all but one of the same BMs (one I hadn’t really wanted to ask but had felt pressured to, so this do-over gave me a chance to pick someone I really wanted!) They were all THRILLED! They’re your bridesmaids because they love you and are there for you- they want you to be happy! Don’t feel weird! I felt the littlest bit awkward when I re-asked the first one because of how quickly everything had progressed for me, but when I saw that she was OVERJOYED I instantly felt SOOO much better and had no hesitation asking anyone!
-Does it even make sense to ever plan a wedding again?
Right now, it doesn’t seem like it will ever make sense again. I know. I’ve been there. But life is funny, and likes to throw curveballs. One day, you WILL meet the love of your life and all of the sudden, wedding planning will make sense!! In fact, it will make even MORE sense than it did this time, because you’ll be with the right person. I’ve had so much more fun, gotten so much more into the planning and excited about it, and my FI has gotten so involved because we are right for each other!! Don’t worry about the future- rest assured that everything will work itself out and you’ll find someone who makes you as happy as you deserve!