(Dumb?) Thank You Card Question

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can you send thank you cards to wedding guests who didn't give a card or gift?
    Yes, doy : (11 votes)
    73 %
    No, it's overly thank-y and might look like you're prompting them to send something : (4 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    ohnatto:  You should send a Thank you Card to everyone who attended, or sent you a card/gift.  The main point of the Thank You is to say “Thank You for sharing our special day”.  If they included a card or gift, its nice to mention it specifically in the thank you note.

    Post # 3
    Member
    710 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    As a usually cynical person if I was a guest who didn’t give a gift and received that card I would be very happy. I think it’s really nice to give them a card anyway! It sounds like you had a small wedding so I’m sure everyone knows you and what you are like so it won’t seem gift grabby.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2912 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i sent a card to all my guests, whether they gave us a gift or not.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    If you want the correct etiquette answer the answer is no you do not write a note to thank people again for coming.  They have already been thanked through both your generous hospitality and verbally at the affair and probably in a speech you made at the event.

    Technically they should be sending you a bread and butter note thanking you for your hosting of them.  

    The thank you is for the gift, that you hadn’t yet opened, at the time of your verbal thank you for coming.  Continuing to thank someone over and over for the same thing is not more polite and your most well versed guests may feel that you a sending a nudge about a gift.

    “No….I know I said this before….but this time for real”

    All that being said, correspond with your loved ones, by writing if you wish.  But it does not need to be a thank you note.  But the notes focus should not be on your event.

    Post # 6
    Member
    11712 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think that if I received a thank you card for a wedding I did not give a gift at, I would think the couple was seeking a gift.  The reception is the thank you for attending the wedding.  I think it’s unnecessary to send a thank you card to every guest for simply attending. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2455 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I agree with andielovesj:  that the correct etiquette would be to not send a thank you to those who did not bring a gift or a card, but in your case I’d probably still send a thanks-for-coming since it seems like they incurred a lot of travel expenses to attend.

    It really depends on what your family is like, if they are very well versed in etiquette they might find it gift-grabby, but my family for example would just think it’s custom to receive a thank you after attending a wedding regardless.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3624 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    ohnatto:  So I had the same question asked a year ago and got mixed messages. We got some gifts after the wedding, but many people did not. We opted not to send thank you notes because my mom felt like it would be prodding for gifts.

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors