Post # 1
Hi bees. My new hubbo (!!) and I have probably a stupid question about thank you cards and would like to see what you all think:
So, our wedding is 2 weeks over and done, and I ordered enough thank you cards to send one to every guest/couple, whether they gave a gift or not, just to thank them for coming. My reason being, our wedding, while not a destination wedding, was where we live in LA, which is far from many family and friends and is an expensive city to travel in.
The majority of our guests did not give anything at the wedding, which is fine and expected because we didn’t have a registry and didn’t ask for anything. But hubs asked me to wait another week on the thank you notes in case some guests were sending cards or gifts straight to our apartment, instead of giving them on the day. That way we won’t have to send another thank you card later, once we get their gift. I thought this was a good idea and agreed to wait.
Now, hubs says he is worried that sending a thank you note to guests without having received a card or gift from them might make us look like we are ‘prodding’ or ‘reminding’ them to send us something. While I see where he is coming from, 1) I ordered 50 thank you cards and don’t want 40 leftovers, and 2)my original intention was just to say thanks for traveling so long and far, and I still think that’s appropriate no matter how a cynical person might interpret it.
What do you guys think – can I send a thank you card even without receiving a card or gift, or will that look overly-thankful and thus gift-grabby of us?
Post # 2
ohnatto: You should send a Thank you Card to everyone who attended, or sent you a card/gift. The main point of the Thank You is to say “Thank You for sharing our special day”. If they included a card or gift, its nice to mention it specifically in the thank you note.
Post # 3
As a usually cynical person if I was a guest who didn’t give a gift and received that card I would be very happy. I think it’s really nice to give them a card anyway! It sounds like you had a small wedding so I’m sure everyone knows you and what you are like so it won’t seem gift grabby.
Post # 4
i sent a card to all my guests, whether they gave us a gift or not.
Post # 5
If you want the correct etiquette answer the answer is no you do not write a note to thank people again for coming. They have already been thanked through both your generous hospitality and verbally at the affair and probably in a speech you made at the event.
Technically they should be sending you a bread and butter note thanking you for your hosting of them.
The thank you is for the gift, that you hadn’t yet opened, at the time of your verbal thank you for coming. Continuing to thank someone over and over for the same thing is not more polite and your most well versed guests may feel that you a sending a nudge about a gift.
“No….I know I said this before….but this time for real”
All that being said, correspond with your loved ones, by writing if you wish. But it does not need to be a thank you note. But the notes focus should not be on your event.
Post # 6
I think that if I received a thank you card for a wedding I did not give a gift at, I would think the couple was seeking a gift. The reception is the thank you for attending the wedding. I think it’s unnecessary to send a thank you card to every guest for simply attending.
Post # 7
I agree with andielovesj: that the correct etiquette would be to not send a thank you to those who did not bring a gift or a card, but in your case I’d probably still send a thanks-for-coming since it seems like they incurred a lot of travel expenses to attend.
It really depends on what your family is like, if they are very well versed in etiquette they might find it gift-grabby, but my family for example would just think it’s custom to receive a thank you after attending a wedding regardless.
Post # 8
ohnatto: So I had the same question asked a year ago and got mixed messages. We got some gifts after the wedding, but many people did not. We opted not to send thank you notes because my mom felt like it would be prodding for gifts.