Weddingbee boards

So, I'm about four days into wedding planning and already having a minor meltdown...I hope this isn't a bad sign.

I think I am cursed when it comes to wedding planners. First a friend of a friend was going to help, and then she literally finds out the next day that her hubby is being transferred and they are moving. Ok. Well, I do some research online and find The Wedding Planner Of My Dreams. She's different in a good way, stylish, trendy, a tiny bit quirky, and all her events look like something from the pages of a bridal magazine.

I call her up. Her fee is almost $7000. You know what, I love her so much, I will make it happen. My budget is about $45,000 for 120 people (thanks to the extremely generous contributions of parents, FI's parents, and both sets of grandparents!) She tells me she can work with me even though I have a 'tight budget'. Ok, well...she's used to working high end weddings maybe. I think it's strange she'd say that but whatever.

She gives me the spiel about the fantastic wedding we are going to plan. Throws out creative and wonderful ideas and the vendors she has good relationships with. I am so excited I can barely breath. I tell her I will talk to my FI and she says to call her back tomorrow to make an appointment.

So, after I calm down a bit, I realize I forgot to ask her any real practical questions. For example, when chosing a venue, does she do some cost comparisons first to make sure we are getting the best deal? My FI and I have so much flexibility with our date that we can get a way better deal if the date is well-researched. Did she include her fee in our wedding budget, or is that extra? What exactly is included in her package? Etc.

So this morning I get an email that basically says, after she read my email, she decided we aren't a good fit after all and she can't work with me. She said maybe I could work with one of her employees. I emailed her, called, emailed the employee she recommended. No response.

I am feeling a bit devastated, and a bit panicky. I don't know why, but this whole situation triggered this feeling of "What the heck am I doing? Have I lost my mind? I can't do this, plan something like this in a big city on my own? No way!" Right now I want to go back to having my parents plan me a very standard reception in our small home town, or forgo a formal wedding and just have a dinner with friends.

I think the thing is this - as a new bride-to-be, you are a fish out of water. I've never planned a big event before. I call vendors and they use lingo I'm not familiar with. The costs are huge and an additional stress (although my family is contributing a lot I am also making a significant contribution.) I'm already worried that the wedding won't be good enough, or fun enough, or whatever.

And then my wedding planner says she can't work with me. I feel like a loser, like I must have done or said something wrong and I'm too clueless to know what it is.

Sorry, I just needed to vent that. I am going to take a few days off of wedding planning because right now I'm not in the right frame of mind to think about it logically.

Don't feel so bad!  A vendor dropping you just because you ask some questions, is not a vendor worth the trouble! 

You haven't done anything wrong by asking these questions, so don't take her response personally. Who knows what prompted her to ditch the job, but at least this happened early in the game. You still hold all the cards.

I'm not sure how soon you're planning to get married, but if you have the time, don't rush into hiring anyone right away. Spend some time reading blogs, magazines (I love Martha Stewart Weddings - look for back issues if you can so that you can read up on a lot in a short time), and wedding websites. Once you get into it, this really isn't so complicated or intimidating. You just have to get your feet wet.

Kara is right about meeting with a few planners (if that's the route you choose) and figure out who "gets you", and who seems to have your best interest at heart. Go in with a list of questions -- remember, you're interviewing THEM for the job.

Good luck!

Just breathe :-) I had 2 wedding coordinators cancel on me.  The first one bc she decided to take another event on the same day as mine so she dropped mine to do it and the other just stopped returning emails and such... in the end with help from friends and weddingbee I just did it myself... and it turned out wonderful... just try to stay calm... you'll find someone I'm sure :-)

Thank you thank you so much for all of the support, I reeeeally appreciate it! And I actually did set up a meeting with another planner (I had contacted her before but she was out of town,) who seems just as fabulous and much more reasonably priced. 

I guess I will never know why my planner backed out on me! Whether she didn't like all my talk of budget, or got a better gig, or what. My feeling is that she likes to work with high end brides who kind of just go with her 'vision' and say "You're fabulous, here's 70K, work your magic!" And as people mentioned, that's fine, we are just not a good fit then, because I like to ask a lot of questions and be involved.

I'm back to feeling, hesitantly, excited again! 

Thanks Coconutmellie, I am really grateful for this opportunity as well! I was a little embarrassed to even post the budget because to me it's an obscene amount of money - which is why I was a bit miffed at the implication that I have a tight budget! I mean come on, how much is enough, then? 

Sarahlynne, your post made me giggle because I had this image of them 'giving away' the planner, like they put her in the back of your car and go 'Ok, enjoy! Try to feed her about twice a day or so!' 

Crebre, thanks so much! And I actually did find a planner that I love...I met with her today and we just clicked, it was like chatting with a girlfriend. So I'm feeling much better about the whole thing at this point!

I think wedding planning just brought out a lot of insecurities (I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not cool enough to pull off a great event, etc.) And then getting turned down by this planner made me feel like, oh my gosh, it's all true!

The more I think about it the more I think it was a matter of budget, though. I think my asking her to do cost comparisons kind of turned her off - I'm thinking she usually works with brides who just want the fab day and aren't looking at the checkbook. Sigh, the price you pay for living in one of the wealthiest areas in the nation (greater DC,) recession or no. My personal feeling is that it doesn't matter if your budget is 100 or 100 million, why would you want to throw away money when doing some research could land you a better deal?