DW etiquette scenarios help!!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: would you attend a DW for a bff (flight+allinclusive resort paid for) without your other half?
    Yes, but only for a bestfriend. : (11 votes)
    22 %
    Yes, if I could bring my other half (and pay for them as well) : (14 votes)
    28 %
    Yes, but id be like wtf : (5 votes)
    10 %
    No, not without my other half. : (16 votes)
    32 %
    No, not even if i could bring (and pay) for them. : (3 votes)
    6 %
    All inclusive includes drinks right? : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    5162 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    You are incredibly generous!

    In the case of the wealty family I think it’s fine not to pay.

    I also think there is no problem with allowing your friends to bring their partners if they pay.

    You don’t need to pick up misc costs along the way, just be sure that your guests understand that you are paying for their flight and hotel and not for other costs.  

    Post # 3
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    omgdinosaurs:  I would likely not attend a destination wedding that my DH wasn’t invited too. (I wouldn’t attend any wedding he wasn’t invited too for that matter as I would consider it extremely rude…even more so when it is destination. People only get limited vacation time and most would not want to spend such time with their SO) I would of course not expect him to be paid for though and would happily pay for his flights/accomm myself but I can afford to do that and it seems like the people in your story would not be able to pay for their other half to attend anyway.


    I think you need to consider another scenario as well that some people will not be comfortable with you paying for their flights and accomm? Some would be too proud/embarassed to accept such an offer.

    Post # 6
    7290 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    omgdinosaurs:  1.We paid for all of our guests to attend our DW. I would never exclude paying for some of the guests on what I thought they had. No one but the guests know their actual finances and it is extremely unfair to penalise some guests because you think you can. Look at it this way- would you send your wealthy guests a different registry list to other guests because you thought they could afford a more expensive gift?

    2. I also think that you need to invite couples as a whole. We gave everyone a plus one. My husbands brother brought his on/off girlfriend at the time. They have long since broken up but we still don’t regret inviting and paying for her.

    3. I think that you need to include luggage fees when booking/paying for the airline ticket. We put on shuttles for transportation to and from the airport (most people were arriving on the same flights). We also provided shuttles for the day of.

    I do not think that you need to provide spending money for incidentals (like meals at airports etc). Although if grandma wouldn’t be able to afford it then definately slip her some cash! We also hosted a few sight seeing tours. Mostly to get the guests out of the way whilst we did last minute wedding stuff but also so they got to the see the sites. But you are under no obligation to do that.


    Post # 7
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    omgdinosaurs:  This whole things sounds nuts. OK, I wasn’t invited to a DW wedding for FI’s childhood best friend (HUGE breech of etiquette). I went on trip (not wedding) anyway. It was super awkward. So after lengthy search of wedding etiquette this is it:

    1. It is NO ONE’S business on who the bride and groom are paying for except for the bride and groom and the people who they are paying for. Period. It shouldn’t even be open for discussion. And good for them for keeping it discreet(ish).

    2. It is very bad manners to not extend a plus one on a DW for a few reasons. 1. traveling to foreign countries, taking vacations, etc. without SO is at the least inconvenient and at the most insulting. People have finite vacation time/$$ and don’t often want to spend that time without their SO. 

    3. If the bride and groom want to help people pay for wedding, they should offer what they can and no more. If they can only help with a percentage/limited dollar amount while including a plus one, they should. The bride and groom are not responsible for paying for every and all guests’ transportation costs. 

    Bottom line: don’t concern yourself with what they are doing for other guests. Also, they aren’t required to pay for anyone they don’t want to. And even if they breech etiquette, it isn’t up to the guests (as much as they want to) to inform them. A guest’s only right is in either acceptance of the wedded couple’s terms and therefore invitation or a simple refusal. 


    Post # 8
    5787 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    all those scenarios sound really awkward to me. Pay for some people because you don’t want them to spend money but don’t pay for others because you think they’re rich? Pay for a guest but not the guest’s spouse? Really rubs me the wrong way. 

    Post # 10
    5533 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I don’t think you should pay for someone’s flavor of the week but not paying for a spouse would be rude. And while I would and have gone to local weddings alone, no way am I flying to a foreign country on vacation without my husband.

    Post # 13
    2173 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    1. I think it would help to make an offer to pay for part of the “wealthy guests,” just to keep things fair.

    2. I think it would make more sense to say “We can provide $X for your trip” to a couple (or anyone, really).  That was the spouse is still invited and costs are kept low.  I would try to apply something across the board for a group- ie family is all paid for, friends are half paid.  Or something similar.  It would basically be the same as offering to pay for one part of the couple and not the other, just worded nicer.

    3. I think transporation to the resort from the airport (and from the resort to the airport) would be nice.  I don’t think it’s neccessarily to cover transportation from their home to the airport.  I think it would also be nice to pay a one-bag fee- if they want to bring an extra suitcase, that’s on them.  Same with incidentals/meals- they’re responsibility.

    Post # 14
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    omgdinosaurs:  I’m sorry…. I meant plus one for those in serious relationships 

    Post # 15
    7290 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    omgdinosaurs: 1. I am probably the wrong person to ask about BP attire since where I am from it is considered rude to ask anyone else to pay to be apart of your wedding. But if one GM couldn’t afford the attire then I would pay for both. Because that is fair. The other person could be in just as much financial stress but doesn’t want to upset the couple by bringing it up or feel too proud to bring it up. I think it is really dangerous to judge other peoples finances. I know a lot of people who are considered wealthy but who are cash poor. So they have wealth in assest that they cannot access but not much cash to throw around.

    2. With the couples I just think it makes it messy to not pay for both. Are you going to pay for half the room cost? Make them pay for their partners share of any arranged transport? Charge them their cost for the wedding meal? Also when you pay for some people and not others there is also the chance that it will be found out especially at a small wedding. Aunt Mary makes a comment at the wedding dinner about how grateful she is that the bride and groom paid for her partner to come. Then the guests who had to pony up for their partners start thinking does the couple not like my partner? Were they hoping they wouldn’t be able to come due the expense? I just think it has the potential to cause strain on relationships.

    3. Depending on where you get married there are transport companies that will give you a great rate. I know last time we had a family reunion in Bali we contacted a transfer comapny and they arranged to pick up everyone on all the different flights for the same low price per person. Definately contact some companies and see what they can do. Comapnies in developing countries (like Mexico and Asia) are more inclined to work with visitors than say American/UK companies that have set business rules.


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