Post # 1
Okay, so my FI’s is “normal”…normal as in middle-class, care about their kids, don’t have drama swirling around them at every moment of the day…Normal.
My some of my family, (namely my mom) is the opposite of what I just described as normal. First my mom started to tell me that I was a lowlife for not making my sisters my bridesmaids. Which is odd, because one of them was cool about it, since we don’t see each other much and the other sister freaked out on me.
Long story short, I can’t stand the sister that freaked out on me and so I un-invited her to the wedding. Because frankly, no one talks to me like the way she did when I was explaining to her why she wasn’t an automatic bridesmaid. So I told her not to show up. End of story.
My mom is a different case…she claims she is going to my wedding. However, after all the drama with bridesmaid situation, I kind of don’t want her to go. She IS my mom, but there’s a long history there and I’m afraid that she will say something trashy to my new in-laws. Not only that, but she wants to bring her boyfriend. He’s a nice guy, but they aren’t married (just living together for several years) and he is mostly an idiot. Plus he has the tendency to say trashy things too without thinking that it might embarrass me or someone else in the family.
Would it be rude to not invite my mom’s boyfriend? I don’t really want to invite either of them, but I feel like it would be lesser chance of embarrassment without him there. Plus, that’s my mom, so I feel like she’s entitled to be there.
Post # 3
I don’t know your specific situation so I can’t say with 100% certainty what you should or shouldn’t do, but I think un-inviting anyone in your immediate family from your wedding will create more drama.
Also, for the most part, an invited wedding guest is allowed to bring a date if the “date” is 1) married to the guest, 2) engaged to the guest, and/or 3) living with the guest. Especially when it’s your own mom.
DH’s mom and her long-haired, tattooed, biker boyfriend (who’s never even lived with her) were both at our wedding, and it didn’t ruin anything. I don’t know if he said anything stupid to anyone at the wedding, but even if he did, it wouldn’t change what any of my loved ones think about me or DH. However, it WOULD have most likely resulted in a huge fight if we didn’t let him come.
Post # 4
@Pomapoo: Well as for the sister I uninvited, I think I did the right thing. It’s been a long history, and I don’t think she wants to go (she told me she refused to). My mom I’m conflicted about, and I hate to say it, but it’s my day and if I’m going to constantly be worried about her behavior, then I’d rather not have her there. I’ve already decided to invite her, it’s more of an issue as to whether to invite her boyfriend and how to counteract the embarrassing behaviors. But I could go your route and take the chance. Right now, it’s still kinda fresh for me.
Post # 5
My personal opinion – Invite the people who you feel respected by. If this isn’t a traditional, large wedding, do not feel obligated to make it one! If you goal is to be surrounded by people who love you, treat you with compassion, and support your marriage, then make it happen. Family issues aren’t (in my humble opinion) supposed to be worked out through a guest list.
Post # 6
@mobiusbox: Unfortunately, the answer to all the drama is not to create more drama.
Uninviting your sister and/or or choosing to break up a couple is making drama and poor etiquette.
I’d have taken the higher road let sister still be invited and invite your mother and her boyfriend as they are an item.
(unless they’ve done you enormous harm like sexual or physical abuse, like really really dysfunctional.)
Post # 7
I agree with trying to avoid drama. Think of the long term. What will you regret more in 5-10 years? Causing your mom to miss out on the wedding? Allowing your mom to come with her boyfriend and cause a few awkward moments? It depends on the severity of the consequence of each scenerio.