E-ring will be bigger than my SIL/FMIL….Afraid they'll judge me.

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ny88:  Don’t worry about it. Pick whatever makes you happy. I have a similar situation, my ring is much bigger than my FMIL and FSIL’s and I’m sure they’ve talked about it (I’m very flashy compared to them) but I knew what I wanted and I have no apologies for that.

Post # 4
460 posts
Helper bee

I think I read something somewhere on here about some “subculture etiquette” nonsense  dictating one must not have a larger ering than her MiL, lest she be judged, tarred, feathered and the ring stripped from her finger. I personally find that a pathetic display of jealousy by those who act petty, and feel that – as long as your man’s got a set to stand up to his family should they be snide about it – you should rock the rock he picked with pride, and tell the naysayers to stuff it or beg their hubby’s to upgrade their “less than desirably-sized” rings so they can feel better about themselves.

Post # 5
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ny88:  The second you announce the engagement/show them the ring, tell them “He did so good! I can’t believe he picked this beauty all on his own!”

Post # 6
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@ny88:  Don’t start your life together being afraid of his family.

Post # 7
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s silly. If you love it, own it!

Post # 8
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@SummerOfLove:  +1

If they are being petty, then don’t even share the joy of your ring with them. I didn’t show my in laws my ring until they explicitly asked to see it. I also downplayed it, not because they’re assholes, but because they’re simple people and the size/cost of my ring would make no sense to them.

Post # 9
3846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ny88:   Choose the ring you love.   The choice of a ring is between you and your FI.  Forget about anyone else, and if anyone is so rude as to make a negative comment, don’t grace them with a reply, or any consideration.  

Post # 11
518 posts
Busy bee

How will they know its bigger unless you tell them? If they ask just say you don’t know the stats because HE picked it out. If they say “well it looks big” just say it’s just the way it looks on your hand.

Post # 13
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My ring is substantially larger than my mils, one of my sils, and is on par with my other two sil’s. We just compliment each other and that’s that. We all know that the ring is just a symbol for something larger and much more important.

Post # 14
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@ny88:  What to do? Nothing. Because nothing happened. When nothing happens, there’s nothing to do. Your concerns are pure conjecture on your part right now, so why not just relax and worry when there’s something to worry about?

Post # 15
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@ny88:  How much bigger will your stone be than your SO’s family? Honestly I wouldnt worry about it. It is your ring, not theirs. My stone is twice the size of my FMIL and 3 times the size of my mom’s. Not once has their been any negative comments about it. They are just overjoyed that we are getting married 🙂


Post # 16
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014 - Lizard Island, Australia

I kind of understand this. My husband has a brother who is married and his wife is all about money and designer labels. She is actually a pretty nasty person. Mother in law has been saying bad stuff about her to me for a couple of years and now I always worry that my inlaws judge me too. I worry that I get tarred with the same brush. Not that I’m all about money and I don’t have any designer bags or clothes or anything like that. But just little things like my husband bought me a Tiffanys bracelet for my birthday. I know that’s pretty normal but I worry they think I demand it or something when I absolutely don’t. 


Its so silly worrying what other people think but it feels so hard not to sometimes so I understand where you’re coming from. No real advice here other than you’re not alone!!

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