(Closed) Early Engagement (Too Young?)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Only time will tell whether any relationship will work.

If you are meant to be together, then everything will work out and you will get through college with your relationship intact. 

Post # 4
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry but I agree with your mom. It’s almost impossible to really know someone who you only met 6 weeks ago, especially when you are only 18. Date for a year before saying you are perfectly fit for each other. I see no problem in having marriage as a goal, but why commit to it so soon? Why not get engaged in 2-3 years’ time if you’re not marrying for 4 years anyway?

Post # 5
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

K. Have a long a long engagement. 

Post # 6
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

There is no way you can predict if a relationship is going to work or not, especially after so little time.

Don’t rush getting married or engaged because you feel like you have to. There is no reason to rush. You’re young, and it’s a very new relationship. Give yourself a chance to grow into it, and figure out together if you do work, and then think about getting engaged. 

Post # 7
Member
5549 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

He is your boyfriend, not your “pre-fiance”. And you met 6 weeks ago. It is good you are planning to wait but I can totally see why your mom would say it is too soon. As someone else who was fairly young when they got married (21) I would be miserable if I had married the guy I thought I was going to when I was 18. And I had been dating him for way more than 6 weeks. There is a lot that can change in college, don’t go off to college so utterly tied to someone else that you don’t get to exsperiance anything. I’m totally not saying you need to sleep around or party hard or anything. But you do need to have some experiance life independant of someone else too. Let the relationship grow and mature without having to rush into marriage or engagement. 

Post # 8
Hostess
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I also have to agree with your mom. I understand at 18 that you think you’re ready to settle down, commit to one person, and just be an adult, but truthfully…you’re still so young. There’s nothing wrong with a goal, but I see no reason that you all just can’t date and see where the relationship goes-without the pressure of marriage being the outcome in the long run. 

You still have so much ahead of you, and unless you are living on your own and have real life stresses (bills, job security, etc) you won’t really know how well you will do together in a marriage.

Just enjoy being young! I moved out when I was 16 due to an abusive mother, and finally left my family at 19; wound up meeting my fiance by chance. I’m now 21 and even though I love my life and wouldn’t change it for anything, you can never get back those years. So there’s no need to rush. Just enjoy things! Enjoy your new relationship, and take it slow. A lot is going to change for the both of you even in the next 5 years, just let things take the course that they are supposed to. 

Post # 9
Member
4892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If a guy is wanting to put a ring on you that soon, he may have be overly posessive. I’d be wary of a guy who is saying such serious thing so early on. Wait on it. 

Post # 10
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You know that you want to wait until you finish university to get married, so why rush into getting engaged.  Enjoy your time as a young adult.  You will only get the experience of being an undergraduate once and believe me when I say you will miss it when it’s gone.  I guess I just feel like if you rush into getting engaged then it just puts your relationship to a whole level that you just don’t need to take yet.  Give yourselves time to enjoy getting to know each other and then add the engagement in a few years.  It will give you something to look forward to in the future.  My FI and I are having an almost two year engagement (after being together for 4 years) and I have really enjoyed the transition to being engaged.  All that being said, I knew I wanted to be with him forever in the first two months we were dating.

Post # 11
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry I have to agree with your mom. First and foremost you met this guy only 6 weeks ago. You really do not know a person in 6 weeks.  Also why the rush to get engaged?  You have your whole life to get married. Get to know this guy before you even think about getting married to him

Post # 12
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You make her understand how perfectly you fit together by staying together.  For months, if not years.  Good things are worth waiting for.

Post # 13
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do y’all think we can make it through college? 


Sorry, but I reread your post and I wanted to add that this line here is also reason not to get engaged.  If you don’t know for certain that you will make it through college, then in my opinion, you are not ready to commit to marriage.  When we got engaged, we knew that there was nothing that we couldn’t weather and we would make things work no matter what.  Like I said before, just take your time and let things progress with time.

Post # 14
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s great that you have found someone who makes you feel complete! It’s an incredible feeling. My advice to you comes from experience. I’m a college senior, so here is some advice to you for your blossoming college career.

It’s so, so, very important to be your own person. It’s something we work on our entire lives, but college is a very important step of that process. You’ll find things about yourself that will suprise you and somethings that you don’t like one bit. Relationships are so terribly hard sometimes, and if you aren’t sure of who you are yet, it’s going to be really hard to give yourself to someone for the rest of your life. Not saying that it can’t happen. It happened to me. It’s possible to grow as a couple and if it was meant to be than it will be.

My fiance and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 14. In high school, we got serious pretty fast. We both knew we had something special and different from everyone else. We’ve dated ever since. We were smart about things, we went to separate colleges for 3 years, decided to live together, which we have for 2 years now, and just recently, after 7 years of dating, we got engaged.We are very different people now than who we were at 14, 16, and even 20. We knew if we allowed ourselves to grow into our true selves, that if we were meant to be together we would grow closer together. And we did. It happens sometimes.

My loving advice is just to be aware of your own self development because your partner deserves the very best from you just as you deserve the very best from him.

Your mom only wants the best for you too. When I told my parents about moving in with my fiance, then boyfriend, after we had been dating for 5 years, they were skeptical. They only want you to have the world and never have any hurt, because they love you. My parents have always adored my fiance, but parents are there to protect, so your mom is only upset out of fear that you may get hurt because it’s a real possiblilty. It’s also possible you won’t. Just remember to keep an open mind and be yourself.

Best of luck to you!! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t want to marry a man that impulsive TBH. What’s the rush? Personally, you have THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to be married, god what I would do to have my 4 years of college back- those were the best times of my life, I made the best friendships and just enjoyed being young and carefree–marriage? HA!

Post # 16
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Ennie:  This.

And pretty much what a bunch of PPs said. I know it FEELS like you’re going to be together forever, and you may actually do that. My SO’s parents met at 15 and 18, got married at 18 and 21, are still together almost 35 years later.

And then there is my parents, who met at 18 and 21, got married at 19 and 22, were divorced 4 years later with a baby me.

And my stepmom and her first husband, who met at 18 and 20, got married at 20 and 22, divroced… 8 years later? With young stepsister and fetus stepbrother.

The guy I dated at 18 I would never have been happy with now, almost 4 years later. And the man I am with now, as much as it pains me to say, may not be the man I’m with 4 years from now, but maybe he will be. Wait and see. But college is awesome and I’d be extremely regretful if I had been tied down during those years. I had to focus on me, on growing up, and becoming my own woman. I had 3 years of not dating anyone seriously. And that was GREAT for me, my self esteem and my self confidence.

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