Post # 1
We have received a few gifts recently for our wedding on August 4th. I am wondering whether I should be sending the thank you notes for them now, or whether I should wait until after the wedding. Is it weird to send a thank you for a gift for an event that hasn’t happened yet?
On a related note, do you think we can use the gifts we have received before the wedding? I told my mom i tried out our new KitchenAid mixer and she was Shocked that I had used it before the wedding. Thoughts?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Ooo I am curious on this too. Although I have heard (and my FI insists) you should not use your gifts before the wedding. I’m assuming checks should be cashed as soon as you can send out a thank you card though so people don’t have that hanging out in their bank accounts (if a cash gift was sent for a No RSVP).
Post # 4
We logged the gifts we got, shamelessly used them before the wedding (why should we keep using a knife that’s basically potmetal when we have a gift sitting around that actually works?), and we’re writing thank-yous after the wedding.
The plan is to use a picture from the wedding and make custom(ish) thank you cards.
We told both sets of parents to please spread the word that the gifts are received and very appreciated, and thank yous will be going out after the event.
Post # 5
Hm. I emailed my grandad to let him know that the kitchenaid mixer arrived and as a casual thank you, so my other concern is that if I don’t send it now, he will think that the email was my only thank you… Or maybe I’m just overthinking this 😉
Post # 6
@loving_life: I am waiting until after our wedding to send thank you’s and I AM using our gifts now. We have a new apartment and I’m not going to let our brand new stuff go to waste. And frankly, IDGAF if anyone would care. If I shouldn’t use it before the wedding, don’t send it early.
Post # 7
I definitely did not use any of our gifts until after we were married. I sent thank you notes on a rolling basis though. I didn’t want to be stuck with a huge mound of them after the wedding.
Post # 9
@loving_life: Could you assess each gift giver individually? People who are more traditional might appreciate a thank-you note immediately after sending the gift, while people who are less etiquette-minded probably wouldn’t mind waiting until after the wedding. I think the main thing is to let them know that you received the gift, so sending at least a casual thank-you to everyone would be nice.
Post # 10
@seree: Do you think its more traditional to send it right away not wait til after the wedding? If so, that would make my life simpler…
Post # 11
Martha says to send them right away: http://thebridesguide.marthastewartweddings.com/2011/06/etiquette-when-gifts-arrive-early.html
Though she also says not to use them until after the wedding. She IS right in saying that, should the wedding be called off, the gifts are meant to be returned (and therefore need to be unused). I would just open them anyway and in the unlikely event that things are called off, buy a replacement gift (of the same thing) to send to the gifter.
Post # 12
I sent thank yous as gifts came in. Fewer to do after the wedding,plus the giver knows the gift made it to your house.
As far as using the gifts before thr wedding, in theory you aren’t supposed to In case the wedding doesn’t happen. Then they should be returned to the sender. I believe this stems from days past when couples moved from their parents’ homes to the new marital home that needed to be established. That said, I used the ones we got. There was no chance of our marriage not occurring.
Post # 13
I would write the thank yous now.. and send them after the weddings
Post # 14
I got a cheque in one of the RSVPs so have been wondering about this too recently. I have decided to send a thank-you note now and then also send one after the wedding. I don’t know it that’s the norm but that feels right to me.
Post # 15
Write and send the thank-yous now – the thank-yous are for the gifts, not for attending the event. You can put in something like “we look forward to seeing you at the wedding!” if it makes you feel better. As PPs said, writing them now will also help cut down on the number you have to do after the wedding, plus will let people know that you received the gift. (I still haven’t heard about a gift that I sent over two months ago to friends whose wedding I couldn’t attend. UPS said that it was delivered, so I’m just hoping that it’s in their possession and that they know it was from me.)
The reason for not using items before the wedding is that the event for which the gift was given has not yet occurred. As PPs said, if the wedding is called off for any reason, the items should be returned.
As for checks, deposit them now so that the giver can balance his/her checkbook, then keep the money set aside until after the wedding.
Post # 16
@SuspiciousCoconut: You should never hold off on thanking someone, just so you can send them a picture of yourselves. if you are that desperate to make sure someone has a photo, send a 2nd mailing after the event.
The longer you wait to properly thank someone the less appreciative it sounds.
The gold standard is to send a TY the night the gift is received, before you go to bed.