Early gifts?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we send thank you's now or after the wedding? Can we use the gifts yet?
    Send thank you's now : (27 votes)
    42 %
    Send thank you's after the wedding : (10 votes)
    15 %
    Don't use the gifts yet; it's rude : (10 votes)
    15 %
    Go ahead and use the gifts; that's what they're for! : (18 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    3813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    Ooo I am curious on this too.  Although I have heard (and my FI insists) you should not use your gifts before the wedding.  I’m assuming checks should be cashed as soon as you can send out a thank you card though so people don’t have that hanging out in their bank accounts (if a cash gift was sent for a No RSVP).

    Post # 4
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We logged the gifts we got, shamelessly used them before the wedding (why should we keep using a knife that’s basically potmetal when we have a gift sitting around that actually works?), and we’re writing thank-yous after the wedding.

    The plan is to use a picture from the wedding and make custom(ish) thank you cards.

    We told both sets of parents to please spread the word that the gifts are received and very appreciated, and thank yous will be going out after the event.

    Post # 6
    842 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @loving_life:  I am waiting until after our wedding to send thank you’s and I AM using our gifts now. We have a new apartment and I’m not going to let our brand new stuff go to waste. And frankly, IDGAF if anyone would care. If I shouldn’t use it before the wedding, don’t send it early. 

    Post # 7
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I definitely did not use any of our gifts until after we were married.  I sent thank you notes on a rolling basis though.  I didn’t want to be stuck with a huge mound of them after the wedding.

    Post # 9
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @loving_life:  Could you assess each gift giver individually? People who are more traditional might appreciate a thank-you note immediately after sending the gift, while people who are less etiquette-minded probably wouldn’t mind waiting until after the wedding. I think the main thing is to let them know that you received the gift, so sending at least a casual thank-you to everyone would be nice.

    Post # 11
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Martha says to send them right away: http://thebridesguide.marthastewartweddings.com/2011/06/etiquette-when-gifts-arrive-early.html


    Though she also says not to use them until after the wedding. She IS right in saying that, should the wedding be called off, the gifts are meant to be returned (and therefore need to be unused). I would just open them anyway and in the unlikely event that things are called off, buy a replacement gift (of the same thing) to send to the gifter. 

    Post # 12
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I sent thank yous as gifts came in. Fewer to do after the wedding,plus the giver knows the gift made it to your house. 

    As far as using the gifts before thr wedding, in theory you aren’t supposed to In case the wedding doesn’t happen. Then they should be returned to the sender. I believe this stems from days past when couples moved from their parents’ homes to the new marital home that needed to be established. That said, I used the ones we got. There was no chance of our marriage not occurring. 

    Post # 13
    528 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would write the thank yous now.. and send them after the weddings

    Post # 14
    480 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I got a cheque in one of the RSVPs so have been wondering about this too recently.  I have decided to send a thank-you note now and then also send one after the wedding.  I don’t know it that’s the norm but that feels right to me.

    Post # 15
    45 posts
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Write and send the thank-yous now – the thank-yous are for the gifts, not for attending the event. You can put in something like “we look forward to seeing you at the wedding!” if it makes you feel better. As PPs said, writing them now will also help cut down on the number you have to do after the wedding, plus will let people know that you received the gift. (I still haven’t heard about a gift that I sent over two months ago to friends whose wedding I couldn’t attend. UPS said that it was delivered, so I’m just hoping that it’s in their possession and that they know it was from me.)

    The reason for not using items before the wedding is that the event for which the gift was given has not yet occurred. As PPs said, if the wedding is called off for any reason, the items should be returned.

    As for checks, deposit them now so that the giver can balance his/her checkbook, then keep the money set aside until after the wedding.

    Post # 16
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    @SuspiciousCoconut: You should never hold off on thanking someone, just so you can send them a picture of yourselves.  if you are that desperate to make sure someone has a photo, send a 2nd mailing after the event.

    The longer you  wait to properly thank someone the less appreciative it sounds. 

    The gold standard is to send a TY the night the gift is received, before you go to bed.

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