Post # 1
My good friend from grad school got engaged in mid-Dec. as his girlfriend found out she was pregnant. They sent out invitations before Christmas with a RSVP deadline before the New Year. I RSVP’d yes but put off booking the plane ticket until today due to my fiance’s mother’s recent surgery and the trip is cross country. Yow-zhee! The tickets are really high. When I was invited they were in the mid-$300 range and that was pretty expensive, but it is a good friend. But my fiance thinks that our money would be better spent on our own wedding and I should call my friend immediately and cancel and send our regrets and a nice gift. I am so upset. I think it is because I am a people pleaser and I don’t want to cancel on my friend. But at the same time, other priorities (fiance’s mom) got in the way and we had really short notice. The trip would be at least $1000. What would you do:
1. Eat the cost and attend
2. Cancel and send regrets and a nice gift
I’m literally sick over this! I feel like such a horrible friend and guest!
Post # 4
do you want to go??? if its a good friend and you want to share this day with them, then i vote yes go and enjoy
if its something you feel you should do out of obligation only then dont go
yes money can always be spent on other things but if its a good friend then its not a “thing”, its a moment you will have forever
Post # 5
What an awful situation! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I hope your FMIL is doing well. When is the ceremony? How much notice are you giving them? I think that should factor into your decision–if it’s under two weeks, they’ve already spent the money for you to be there. If you’re before the RSVP deadline still, I think it’s perfectly fine to call and send your regrets and explain what’s going on. Good luck!
Post # 6
Wow, that’s a really tight deadline they gave you! Honestly, given the circumstances with money, your FI’s mom, etc… I’d regretfully decline and send a gift. It would still be disappointing for both you and your friend, but they had to know that by giving such short notice, that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to come.
Post # 7
Since you’ve already RSVP’d yes, and the RSVP deadline has passed, I think you should go. They’ve probably already accounted for you being there. I’d hate to disappoint a good friend and miss their wedding!
Post # 8
shop around- there are good last minute deals on allegiant air, jet blue, you never know. and clear your cache,i heard they put cookies in computers so the flights go up in price!
Post # 9
Try http://www.kayak.com as mentioned in a few other boards around here. Think about how you would feel if it was your wedding and weigh that with your relationship with your friend. I personally love weddings, and would take any excuse to get outta town for a get away. You never know what ideas you will get for your own.
Post # 10
This may not be a well thought thru response. I am only making this suggestion because you say she is a good friend. Is there anyway you can call and let her know about your situation. I know that a lot of caterers will let you bump up a number if need be (but not bump down). Explain that you are looking to see if fares will fall and would like a couple more days or a week to see if finances can come together.
PS, today there was a major fare sale announcement on many airlines. Maybe recheck if you checked earlier today.
Post # 11
There’s nothing wrong with sending regrets and a lovely gift. Whatever they might lose from paying for two dinners ($200, max, probably) is a lot less than this unexpected financial burden you’d be taking on. If that bothers you, send a larger check than you would normally.
Times are very, very hard for a lot of people and travel to people’s weddings is ridiculously expensive a lot of the time. People understand this. Though it’s regretful, I know that some of my favorite people will not be able to be there on the actual day, but that doesn’t make me feel that they love me any less. Write them a letter about how much they mean to you, your best wishes for their future, etc, and enclose it with the card and check. They will know you’d be there if you could.
Post # 12
also do you know lots of other people going to the wedding? could you go solo and save the cost of your fi’s ticket?
Post # 13
This might make me a freak, but I’ve never been invited to a wedding and failed to attend. Last summer, my fiance and I went to six weddings in five different states, and while it was financially quite draining, it was worth it. My rationale is that any person to whom I’m close enough that they invite me to their (hopefully) once in a lifetime celebration is someone whose moment I want to share. If you’re genuinely close to this person, I think you should at least try to find a way to be there. I like vistagirl‘s suggestion, especially if you could manage to also split the rental car/cab fare and a hotel room. And definitely recheck the various travel sites. One of my friends has had really good luck with using priceline and booking two one-way tickets, rather than one round-trip.
Post # 14
Check out Travelzoo.com for special fares and perhaps look into the godawful flights (red-eye, super early in the morning) as they tend to be cheaper. If you go, you will have wonderful memories with your good friend. If you don’t go, I think your friend would understand.
Post # 15
I think if you can afford it you should go. You ‘ll probably have a great time and get to reconnect with old friends.
Post # 16
Thats a tough situation. For me it would depend on how close the friend was. If it was one of my best friends I would still go. Otherwise I dont think its horrible to send a nice gift and your regrets. It isnt the best ettiquette to RSVP and then cancel, but at the same time things happen. This is especially hard since youre saving for your own wedding.