Post # 1
My husband and I have been together for quite some time and have become accustomed to a routine, especially when it comes to our household roles. I do the cooking because 1) I am the better cook 2) I enjoy cooking and 3) we eat out on the weekend and during the week I focus on making healthy meals at home.
Well because of this routine we now have an issue.
Over the past few months I have been working out both at home and at a fitness studio. I have been going to the studio on Mon & Thurs. The classes are not at ideal times which means I don’t have time to go home and cook before class and they end too late for me to cook after. Well for Mon that is fine bc the husband has band practice and we fend for ourselves, so for thurs I asked him to cook and he agreed.
Well recently I have been going to a class on Weds instead of Mon so here lies the issue. My husband tells me today that he doesn’t want to cook two days in a row because he is used to and likes our routine of me doing majority of the cooking during the work week and he also doesn’t want to fend for himself two days during the work week either. So he said that if I choose not to go on Monday then he wants me to cook and he can eat after practice ( let me mention that we have been fending for ourselves on Mondays for a long time due to his practice, so that is my routine.) He is so hung up on wanting me to cook 3 days during the workweek (fri we go out) and if I alternative between mon/weds classes then I should cook on the opposite day. The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way because he said ” I expect you to cook 3 times, from Mon – Thurs, it’s not unreasonable to expect that because that is our routine.”
I feel like he isn’t being supportive and is being snotty about the fact that I have been the main cook for us for so long.
I am pissed – am I being unreasonable? Or Is a routine that a couple establishes so engrained that one eventually “expects” things to go a certain way?
Post # 3
@AnnieAAA: Do you both work FT? If you both work the same hours, I’m pretty sure he can manage to make himself something!
Post # 4
I’d be annoyed by how stuck to the routine he is. The routine was created by the schedule, the schedule changed so the routine changes.
But still, would it be possible for you to throw something in a corckpot before you leave for the day (or work out) that he can eat whenever? You’ve still cooked but don’t have to be there at the time.
Post # 5
You are not being unreasonable. He should be totally supportive of your hobbies and make things easier for you not more difficult, which he’s doing by being complacent. Just tell him that’s it’s very important to you to attend the classes and that you can help him by giving him some easy ideas and getting things ready for him the night before so he can just throw them together by himself. Maybe that’s a reasonable compromise.
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: yes both full time & similar schedules as we both usually get home at the same time. :/
@CoCoCourtney: I honestly didn’t even think about the crockpot, that is a great suggestion because that would satisfy both of us!
Post # 7
@AnnieAAA: Could you cook him something ahead that he could heat up? Or maybe do a crockpot?
**I can see feminists jump all over this one, lol (I’m jumping under the bunker with you- I am the cook in the house too). It’s just something established in your household- like mine, I totally understand.**
Post # 8
cook extra on a day that you have time and he can thaw. It is 2013. If he can’t fend for himself he should at least be able to use a microwave 🙂
Post # 9
@AnnieAAA: I think that the way your hubby has expressed his opinion/desires is definitely not the way to do it (no one should expect their SO to do anything except love them). But I do understand that changing routines is hard to do.
My DH and I are probably going to run itno this problem because I am finally starting my career after university and a summer off and so we wont come home to dinner bubbling on the stove every day anymore.
What I’ve done and what you could try doing is freezing meals for the days that you don’t have time to cook. This means that it works for you because after your fitness class you can come home to a hot and ready dinner and he doesn’t have to do anything other than turn the oven/crock-pot on. You could prep these every weekend or if you have the freezer space you could make a whole bunch and live off them for a while.
I’ve made a great cannelloni (I add ground turkey and use store-bought sauce), frozen home-made meatballs, curry, and chili before, and I’ve prepped (but haven’t tried) a few different crock-pot freezer meals. There are tons on Pinterest.
Adapting sucks, but hopefully you can find something that works for both of you. And try to remind yourself of all the routine things that he does for you.
Post # 10
Agree with the crock pot suggestion!
Post # 11
The old routine was fine cause it was convienent and worked out. When it becomes inconvienent, then a new routine needs to be created imo. Just cause you DID cook 3 times a week doesnt mean that you should bend over backwards to keep doing it if it’s not working into your schedule when he’s a grown ass man capable of feeding himself. It’s not like he’s a child that needs to be tended to and taken care of. I think he’s being very unreasonable.
Post # 12
@chic_and_fabulous: +1 i was thinkin the same thing.. Just to avoid a fight i would prob cook something a day or 2 before and save it…
op i would be annoyed thougg.. But i am totally going through the same thing right now kinda top!’GL!
Post # 13
Thanks ladies for all the comments. I agree that the issue is him not wanting to adapt to a new schedule.
What is annoying is that he is willing to cook 1 day, but not 2. So the compromise for that extra day could be as easy as a crockpot meal or cook and freeze ahead of time so that way we are both happy. Thanks again for this suggestion because it never crossed my mind!
Post # 14
@AnnieAAA: Hah my SO won’t even cook one day or any day! At the same time, if I didn’t have time to cook, he wouldn’t expect me to and just get himself McDonalds or something. Good luck! Hopefully your husband will be fine with leftovers or a crockpot meal.