Eating at a friend's house

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015


I guess depending on the friend – a few of my friends have allergies so obviously we cook around them. Half the time though we just chuck on a BBQ and be done with it. Chicken, steak, sausages – most people eat. None of my friends are vegetarians. 

I think it’s quite rude to tell people what to cook. I tend to ask when I’m going to a friends house “so whats for tea?” but it’s not to see if I’ll like the food. It’s to see if I can bring anything, match a wine to the meal, etc. 

Post # 4
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Huh, tell people what to cook? Umm No.

If I haven’t cooked for them in a long time I (as host) might find my self asking, “you’re veggie, yes?” Or may ask about any allergies but I wouldn’t as a guests go around telling people what to cook, that is rude

Post # 5
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Carolsays:  My group of friends doesn’t go to each other’s houses for the food. They go for the drinks, and everyone brings their own. I couldn’t imagine cooking for my friends, of all people.

To answer your question, it’s best to just accept what you’re served and pretend to like it. Calling in advance is ballsy.

Post # 6
659 posts
Busy bee

When I have gone to friends for dinner they usually tell me what they are making and check thats ok. I do the same when friends come to me.

As you said I don’t worry too much as I could eat most foods out of politeness and there isn’t a lot I don’t like anyway. But I do have an issue with fish and seafood…I just can’t stand it and there are certain fish based meals that I would really struggle to get through. Luckilly most of my friends know I don’t like fish so I’ve not been caught out yet!

Post # 7
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d never want to cook something that a friend can’t or won’t eat. Having said this, I’d be a bit surprised if they called ahead to place an order! Instead, if entertaining people for the first time I’ll always ask if there is anything they really dislike/are allergic too/won’t eat for ethical reasons. Most of our friends are very adventurous eaters but some of them are adventurous vegetarians too. However, I am careful so far as known dislikes – shellfish for example – is concerned and will avoid the sort of meal that’s often guaranteed to be an issue.

As for feeding children, this tends to be a minefield. But then I don’t tend to invite small, potentially fussy children to dinner parties in the evening either! I work on the basis that older children should have the good manners to be polite as they avoid eating something they dislike. For afternoon BBQs or similar then most parents of very small children will either bring something along that their children eat or just let them pick at what they fancy. That’s what my son and DIL do with my 3 year old granddaughter and it’s no big deal.

Post # 8
11604 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d never have the guts to ask the host what they’re making and give my input on it before the event. That’s very rude! Unless there is a dietary restriction or allergy, the guest should be grateful for the invitation and accept whatever meal is shared with them.

Post # 9
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I hosted my out of town in laws for Christmas. BIL doesn’t like ham so I made a turkey as well as a ham. Doesn’t this a-hole bring a TAKEOUT dish to eat at the meal. Literay pulls out a foam container at the table and eats out of that, and doesn’t touch any of my food. Then, he asks if I have any chicken nuggets or Mac and cheese to make for his kid. What?! I just spent 6 hours in the kitchen cooking a 3 course meal with about 12 different foods. If you and your kid can’t find one single thing, then you’re out of luck. 

Oh, and while they were there BIL’s daughter mentioned she likes chocolate chip cookies. So, being the awesome aunt I am, I quickly whipped up a batch to go with dessert. Because it was last minute, I just threw the dough in a cake pan and cut them into bar cookies. Doesn’t this kid refuse to eat because she likes round cookies. Ugh. I can’t win. 

Post # 10
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d be temtped to make them the food they said they don’t like.
Maybe then I won’t get such rude houseguests again for dinner.

OR, they can make it and bring it! Less work for me!

I get allergies, but food preferences are not my problem as a host – you eat what I serve dagnabbit!
I mean I don’t like pork but you BET I eat it at someone’s house when they serve it to me.

@sofialovesmikey:  Yeah I wouldn’t be able to handle that. Sounds like you did well but WHAT THE WHAT is wrong with them?!

Post # 11
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

generally if i were invited to a dinner party, i’m going to eat whatever is served. 

I went to DH’s friends house for a dinner party where fish was served.  i don’t eat fish.  i told her when i was there, i ate the other stuff and left still hungry.

another good friend of mine sometimes invites me over for dinner, casual.  sometimes i ask what she is going to make to determine if i want to go or not.  she knows i don’t eat fish, so that would never be served or she would have options.

another friend has dinner parties quite frequently.  she serves a variety of proteins to make sure everyone had something to eat.



Post # 12
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Carolsays:  I would never make my diet the hosts issue unless I had a severe allergy.  Otherwise, i would throw a snack in my bag in case there’s no option provided that I’m OK to eat.  

Post # 13
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@Carolsays:  I was always taught to eat what was put infront of me… especially at someone else’s home

Post # 14
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Carolsays:  My house is not a restaurant and I don’t take orders. If my friends ever did that, I’d just tell them to stay home. I think that’s so rude! 

Post # 15
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Carolsays:  Your friends have confused accepting a kind invitation to dine at someone’s home with going to a restaurant. They are rude boors raising demanding, spoiled children. 

When they informed you of their preferences, you should have told them exactly what you planned to serve. If they complained or requested something else, you could have responded by telling them you were terribly sorry your menu didn’t please them and understood that they wouldn’t want to join you, then and spare yourself their awful, entitled company.

If I were in your shoes I would not make the mistake of inviting them ever again. 

Post # 16
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am a vegetarian and also allergic to shellfish, but honestly i don’t think anybody besides immediate family knows this. At a party I eat what I can, act gracious, do not draw attention to self.  I had an awkward moment on Christmas Eve at new IL’s home as they have a traditional crabfest. These crabs were so huge that they covered the entire plates and it was going to be obvious I didn’t tale one. Thank God my new SIL doesn’t eat crab, either, so we both merrily piled on the salad and bread plus the  iLl’s had bbq’ed some fish for her which she happily shared. 

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