- 4 years ago
It’s been a while since I have posted on the bee. So many things have changed in my life since my last post, and when I logged back on to the website—it looked different! I’ve recently decided to get my head together about some things, and the best place I have gone for a second (or 15th) opinion has been here. Bare with me…it may be a little long.
I’ve always been physically active. I went from dancing, to track, to the military and the job I have now is rather physical. When I was younger, I had a ridiculously fast metabolism. I’m talking eat whatever i want and sit on my behind. When I was stationed in the Pacific Northwest, however, things began to change. I started gaining weight for no reason and it was almost as if I went from having a metabolism to not having one. I went from doctor to doctor and finally, I was told the only thing I had to explain the weight gain was an “underactive thyroid”. Not hypothyroidism, they said, but just a slow-moving one, I guess. So… I began to look into diet and exercise options that were good for those of us who need a little extra help. They worked very well! I began to follow the paleolithic diet—and received great results! I’d also like to add that I enjoy(ed) eating vegetables.
I graduated from college last June, moved home to California, began working a new job that week, put the ex out in September, had a small bout with financial issues as a result of putting the ex out, had a few family deaths back to back….and my life has completely changed. I have a very, very, very rough time finding the motivation to work out. I used to live and breathe working out—and it suddenly became a struggle. Fast food became a staple in my diet, where it wasn’t one before and I began to feel guilty. Eating certain things in private because I was too ashamed to eat it in public. I would feel a sickening guilty…and began drinking a ridiculous amount of Cola. I began seeing someone new some months back (who is AWESOME, by the way) and he says he loves how I look. I am not meant to be a skinny woman, and I am actually pretty solid with a lot of muscle; however, I noticed that I have developed an unhealthy relationship with food. Not to mention that I’ve started taking birth control since I started sleeping with the new guy, which also puts weight on me, so I feel like crap. I’m starting to notice some cellulite in places that weren’t there before. Nothing is tight, but I can see where it’s becoming uncomfortable. I stare at myself in the mirror and feel like crap, but I find comfort in the very food that makes me feel like crap. I’m just not my old self anymore. I know the key to good health and weight loss is a good diet, and I yearn for the day where I can be confident, but I’m really struggling with this for the first time in my life. I’m usually able to snap out of it, because it feels much better to be healthy, but for some reason, I’m having a really hard time. To the point where I want to seek help on this issue because it’s affecting me in a negative way, and I need to control it.
I guess what I’m asking is what advice would you bees have for me. Does it sound like I might be suffering an eating disorder? Or am I just having a rough time? I can usually get my mind together and figure things out, but not this time. I just keep imagining the days where I could eat whatever I wanted, look and feel great. That is DEFINITELY no longer the case. Should I talk to someone? What does one do when they feel they have developed an unhealthy relationship with food?