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I would make him send it back and get the money back. If he knows tons about computers then he should be able to buy the parts and build a pretty great computer for about 900$ish
@MrsAu: He hasn't received the item yet. The seller says "If you still want the item, I will send it to you but it is 'as is'" (which isn't how the listing described). The seller also says that if he doesn't want the item, he'll issue a refund. I want the refund. FI wants to "look at it first" and then send it back if its not fixable.
Honestly, I feel like we can resolve the Ebay issue, but only because of the buyer protection and because all of our communication with the seller is in writing. However, I feel like he violated my trust and acted on this stupid impulse that Ebay seems to have bred in him. Should I just say "no more Ebay" or am I being unreasonable?
@MrsAu: Exactly! It isn't very hard to build a computer. If he really does know as much as he thinks he does, he should be able to do that.
1 in the hand is better than 2 in the bush! Tell him that if he gets that computer and he can't fix it then that's what he's stuck with. It's worth a little more money to get a legit computer!
@mcklough: Fair enough. He seems to be convinced he can fix it, even though he isn't clear on what the issues are. I guess I'll bite the bullet on the money and use this as a lesson. If he can fix it and stay under budget, great! If he can't, then no computer.
Ugh. Why does dealing with FI and Ebay feel like dealing with a teenager?
IMO, eBay is just the symptom here....there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed. His impulsiveness, not reading all the details, trust, etc...
Money really is a big issue in marriage and the couple needs to be on the same page.
You are not alone in your feelings though, I would feel the same way.
@CoffeeandCream: Money has been a constant source of strain. I feel like we are faced with issues, come up with a solution, put the solution into action and go back and make sure the solution is working. The impulsiveness, however, is something I was overlooking though and maybe at the root of this issue.
How does one identify what is causing impulsiveness and solve that problem? I feel like I can't be there every step of the way and say "Now, wait, Honey." But, I may be at blame here for basically handing him a check and saying "Have at it," though.
How old is he and how long have you been together?
Is he stable with his work, paying bills, responsibilities etc?
@aliavenue: Are you sure he knows a lot about computers? A lot of people I know wouldn't buy a computer from eBay... because they know a lot about computers. Computers in the stores are WAAAAAY cheap now compared to before so it's really hard to justify a second hand purchase and repairing it unless you've got way killer specs or you're on an insanely low budget. Repairing a computer often ends up costing just about the same or more than buying a new computer. Is this computer a laptop or desktop? If it's a laptop then it'll be harder to repair. Is the overheating caused by a bad fan? bad wiring? bad motherboard? Depending on the model and how old it is, getting replacement parts could get costly. Not to mention, if your computer overheats a lot then it's as good as a door stop.
I would personally take the refund since the seller offered it and try to find another amazing deal with a more accurate listing and trusted seller.
Also, I don't want to be a downer but this needs to be addressed A.S.A.P. since the #1 cause of divorce is money issues. The impulsiveness may be related to one or more things. If you don't know where to start then I suggest seeking pre-marital/relationship counseling with a professional and get things out there. Maybe you'll discover what's up if he's willing.
@tehlilone: Killer specs, says FI. Budget is not insanely low, I can tell you that.
Ebay is as addictive as drugs or gambling to some people - my ex included! He was CONSTANTLY "checking his auctions" and purchasing things we certainly didn't need and usually couldn't afford.
It's the worst of both worlds - a shopping addiction and an internet addiction all rolled into one. Maybe he has a real problem and could use some help. Good luck!
Well, he is not young and you have been together a long time.....so
He most likely is the way he is and marriage will not change him. You may need to do some soul searching and see if this is something you can live with.
Your comment about feeling like he is a teenager speaks volumes...you certainly don't want to feel like he is your child. I know people in marriages like this and it's not good. He needs to be a MAN.
Best wishes to you....I am sorry you are going through this.
Building your own computer from scratch is both simple and cheap. I don't know what kind of deal he thinks he's getting on eBay, but unless this computer is, like, $100, it is very, VERY unlikely that it is worthwhile. As a previous poster mentioned, you can build yourself an amazing computer for about $900. You can build yourself a fairly decent computer for about half that. If he needs a computer with "killer specs," he must be a gamer? If he only uses his computer for eBay and youtube, a cheaper computer is good enough. I think your fiance is out of line and his impulsive, childish behavior may end up hurting you if he won't take the refund. That's incredibly unfair to you and he should be more considerate.
impuslive buying can be a sign of depression or anxiety to make someone feel better instantly. Does he have a history of depression/mood swings/anxiety at all? If so, there may be some deeper issues than just ebay impulses
Ive bought all of my MacBooks on eBay because they were good prices and I need that OS for work....that being said, it took days to find the right price, combo of specs, and a legit seller that I trusted. My budget has always been around $1k for the latest gen, and these purchases have lasted years!! I need perfect feedback to even think about the purchase, and plenty of paperwork. My FI uses PC exclusively, and I use PC as well (also for work)....we always buy them new because as PP have stated, you can pick one up brand new for ridiculously cheap then add the upgrades for cheaper than anything on eBay. We end up with "killer specs" for $500 or less on PC....That's for a professional web designer and graphic designer for large exhibits, and a webmaster/hardcore gamer, so I highly doubt he needs more than we would.
I agree with you. Take the refund!!!
Take the refund. It might take a sexual favor. Do what you gotta do LOL.
Can you budget in a monthly eBay expense? It sounds like he just really enjoys purchasing things off of the site. If he has some freedom just hunting down a deal he likes, he might even have an easier time just going for the refund for this computer.
@aliavenue: It's the "he needs it right now" part that concerns me. My dad is like this, and my mom is the money manager in our family, literally doling out cash because my dad doesn't use the ATM. It's a major source of stress in their marriage, when he's like "Hey, I bought six boxes of Cheerios because they were on sale, but now I need money for gas." The impulse control + the lack of larger perspective on money in their marriage is the issue. It's a rather infantilizing dynamic, as you can imagine, and you don't want to be there. I'd say that this is something you want to bring up in pre-marital counseling.
...and by all means, get the money for the damn computer back. Keeping a lemon shouldn't even be an option.
I buy and sell on ebay as a part time business and I would never ever buy a computer or any major purchase for that matter from ebay. I've had numerous sellers and buyers both try to scam me exactly like that (only one actually succeeded...luckily I was only out about 30 bucks, but I definately learned a lesson from that and now push the "report" button like there's no tomorrow). Any listing that's inaccurately described to that high of a degree is against ebay's policies and should absolutely be reported. The good news is that ebay is a buyer's world so it won't be hard to get a refund if you decide to keep the computer, but I would definately advise him to take the refund (especially if you plan to tinker with the computer; the seller might raise a fuss that you messed with the item and might try to refuse your refund. Probably won't work given ebay's buyer protection policies, but it's a mess you don't want to get into). Also, ebay's "good deals" for electronics rarely beat what's in the store. If they do, I'm always suspicious that they're stolen or defective (ever heard the saying if it seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is?). If he's a bargain hunter, show him how to find good deals in store (figure out when they're having promotions etc). It's always much safer than ebay and you can probably get a better deal too.
ebay is really good for protecting its buyers. i would go through the dispute resolution process. also try paypal's dispute process.
i have used both of them successfully.
good luck!
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I'm going to approach FI about this issue tonight, but I'm not exactly sure where to go from here.
Background: FI loves Ebay. He ordered things from Ebay frequently before we got together and this habit carried over into our relationship. However, unlike the women in his previous relationships, I have a huge role in our finances and watch them very carefully. With that being said, FI does not watch the finances and has a tendency to spend too much money on things we don't need - things he believes he does "need." To solve this, he clears things with me before he orders. After ordering one too many things because they were "such a great deal" and overdrawing our expenditures account, I put a stop to "great deal" buying on Ebay. This has worked great and FI has been clearing his Ebay purchases with me, first.
Current Problem: FI wanted a new computer and he wanted it right now. I explained our financial situation and that I wanted to save for a couple of months. That wasn't good enough - he needed it right now. I compromised and we saved for a month and I pulled the other half of his computer budget out of savings. He immediately went to Ebay and ordered the best deal ever within minutes. I cringed but he knows more about computers than I do, so I figured it was the computer he would have to live with for a few years, regardless. However, shortly after he purchased the computer he got a letter from the seller that stated the computer was not the computer that was listed on the posting. The mispelled and grammatically incorrect letter (kind of) explained that the computer was "overheating" and needs a "couple new parts." I told FI to bail but he refuses to back out of this deal. We're talking about a large sum of money and he needs to get out of this deal before it turns very very sour.
I'm bitter, ladies. I'm bitter that I trusted FI with a large sum of money which he spent on a mispelled, indescript listing on Ebay. I'm angry that he wants to see if he can fix this "computer," and basically gamble on what IS a fraudlent listing. I'm having trouble seeing clearly through my current emotions and need opinions.
What the heck do I do?