- 3 years ago
- Wedding: February 2015
I’m going to have my bridesmaids wear any black dress. The reason I’m not doing a coordinating fabric or designer is because it’s very important to me that my BMs don’t have to buy a new dress for this–if they want/need to, they can wear something they already own.
My mom is very opposed to this idea.
Last night, my best friend, who is a nurse raising 2 kids, talked to me about how she needs new shoes for work, but they cost $100 so she has to wait and save up for them. I used this fact as evidence to my mom that not making her buy a new dress is the right call. Mom still thinks that my plan is unacceptable, with the reasons being:
1.) It wouldn’t look classy
2.) Weddings are “a sacred ritual.”
Here’s my first draft of a response to her:
“From a fashion standpoint: Matching bridesmaids dresses are uncommon these days. Most weddings where the bride understands what is classy and fashionable today don’t even have bridesmaids in the same color. A will back me up on this. If my bridesmaids are too matchy-matchy, I will be considered gauche.
From the standpoint that it’s a sacred ritual like you said last night—the fact that it’s a sacred ritual is the exact reason why it doesn’t matter what people wear. The sacredness of the ritual comes from two people making big, lifelong vows to one another. If the bride and groom are Christian, it also comes from God blessing their marriage, and if they choose to get married in front of witnesses, then it also comes from the blessing and support of loved ones. Being dressed a certain way is nowhere on the list. We could get married in jeans and God would not bless our marriage any less. “The Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 6:7) There is no “sacred ritual” argument that holds any water whatsoever.
From a human standpoint/the bottom line: If M can’t even afford to buy $100 shoes that she needs for work, there is zero chance that I’m making her buy a bridesmaid dress. Full stop. No chance.
From a financial standpoint: We can’t pay for M’s dress without also paying for S’s. But then, if being a grad student and being engaged to a man who doesn’t make much money is justification to pay for the dress, then we also have to pay for N’s, since by this fall she’ll be in that exact same situation. And then, if we’re paying for 3 dresses, it’d be pretty rude not to pay for the other 3. Besides, K lives in New York, where her cost of living is higher than any of the rest of us, and A might have to quit her job in a month and a half. There’s no way to stay on the right side of etiquette and consideration for others and pay for just M’s dress but not the rest of them. At a cheap, conservative estimate of $150 per dress, taxes, and alterations, provided we don’t have them wear shoes or jewelry that coordinate in any way, that’s a minimum of $900 added to the wedding budget.
From a practical standpoint: The blacks that the choir will be wearing won’t match or coordinate. 6 brides/groomsmaids coordinating won’t change the fact that the majority of the people standing at the front of the church will just be wearing whatever black outfit they can find in their closets.
Yes, there are people in the world who would make buying a $150 dress a requirement in order to stand up with them in their weddings. I am not, and have never been, that personality type. You know that about me, and getting married isn’t going to change it.