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Is there an education gap between you and your SO? If so, does it have any effect (good or bad) on the dynamics of your relationship?
I graduated from a pretty prestigious university (no horn tootin' though) and have some relatively nerdy graduate school aspirations. The pre-fiance (muahaha) has taken a slew of interesting courses at the local junior college, but has never really had the academic bug like I do. Sometimes I like to encourage (re: possibly bug/annoy) him to head back to school. He works full time in pharmaceuticals and does pretty darn well for himself, but is also content without doing the whole school thing.
For now, it works and it works well. This dude is hard working, he's dedicated, and best of all, he makes me a better, stronger person. Our academic differences have never made me doubt our future together. This guy is my match and I'm endlessly blessed to have someone so amazing. However, I wonder if I'll always be this cool with the possibility of having more opportunities available to me due to my education and experience. Any thoughts or people who have been in the same boat?
I dated a guy I wasn't matched well with, education wise. It wasn't even that he was uneducated (i've met a lot of stupid people in engineering, lol), it's that he was dumb as a rock so often it drove me INSANE.
Intelligence+education don't always go hand in hand, but there is something to it. Often it's how you perceive the other person. My husband and I are both engineers, though. In my opinion, you get more opportunities because you are available. If he wants them, he can go get them, too. Good things come from hard work. Maybe your husband will find something he enjoys enough to actually go to school for. Until then, it sounds like he's not being an ambitious sack of crap, though =]
There is an educational difference between my FI and myself. He has his associates degree and is working on finishing his bachelor's degree in Computer Information Systems. I am finishing up a Doctor of Pharmacy program and am planning on pursuing at least a Master's of Public Health degree. I will make at least 2x's what he does when we graduate. He doesn't particularly like school at all, but I really enjoy learning and have thought about teaching at a graduate level on day.
I am really fine with our different backgrounds. We had very different strengths and weaknesses that we bring to our relationship and we really compliment each other.
Edit: I meant to add - my FI is smart but he's very practical - theoretical academic work is not his forte. He's definitely good at what he does though!
My fiance has his master's and I have a doctorate. It works out well since I can talk to him about anything and he understands it. We also have similar vocabulary and I love love love that I can talk to him about my work.
My first husband didn't graduate high school and, while he tried really hard, he was never fully able to understand why I liked school so much or what I was doing there. It made it difficult.
he has a bachelors in fianance and i have a masters in public health. it works well for us actually, we may have different "levels" but in completely different fields, so we teach each other.
he does frequently call me a "nerd" when i quote studies, but i consider it an endearing pet name like "honey" or "baby" :)
I have my Bachelor's -- pursuing my Master's in a few years. FI made it through 1 week of college classes and dropped out. He makes 2x what I do - and likes to rub it in! I graduated w/ $50k in student loans that I am still paying down....
My FI has less of an education than I do. However, he still earns about double what I will (once I get a nursing job) and he is extremely intelligent. I've dated guys with bachelors and masters degrees, and he is more intelligent than nearly all of them. I know quite a few people who literally skated through college doing little to no actual work and have a degree, but can't hold down a decent job or a conversation, for that matter. So in other words, no, it isn't an issue for us. :)
I think a lot of you are well-matched, education-wise. when the OP said gap, i thought of things like "college degree versus no degree" or "engineer versus mechanic" type large gaps--you know, totally 180` opposite spectras. I think i'd have a hard time if my conversations always went over DH's head--it's fun to talk nerd lol. BS and MS gaps are super common nowadays. I had a friend who has a BS in engineering and she dated a guy who ran a bakery. That was a different match up! Mmm eclairs =]
Right now, my bf is working toward a degree in chemical engineering and I haven't taken any college classes at all. I was homeschooled and very sheltered so after I left home I took a year off to get my life together and then family issues kept me from pursuing higher education for two more years. I've been working most of that time. I consider myself an intelligent person, but I don't see the point in going to college just to go to college if I'm not really interested in what I'm there for. I wanted to study interior design but the only program close to me was cancelled. My bf tries to encourage me to get a degree if that's what I want but he's made it clear he supports whatever decision I make. I have times when I start to feel inferior to him but I remind myself a person's worth isn't determined by a college degree and I know that I'm intelligent enough to make it in college if I decide it's right for me.
We both have our bachelor's, though mine is in Art and his is a BS in Business Administration. His has been infinitely more useful in his career, but I would say we both were very happy with what we chose and are on the same level academically. We each have our strengths and weaknesses though, but fortunately for us my strengths are his weaknesses, and vice versa.
I have a bachelors degree. DH has a few certificates at different levels. He is definitely smart enough to achieve whatever he wants when it comes to studying, but his father pushed him really hard in school and I think it made him hate it. I am hoping to do some post graduate study at some point but I don't think he will ever do anything unless he has to (he works in IT but is entirely self taught - I have pointed out that it might help to get a qualification but for now he's happy with the way things are). It used to bother me sometimes in the beginning but now I understand him a lot better and I don't think about it much. If he was dumb I wouldn't be married to him :)
ETA: As a *general* trend (VERY general, please no one jump down my throat), women tend to marry up the food chain rather than down, while men do the opposite (which is why you see more male CEOs married to the secretary). So we might not see many bees going against this trend, but I'd be really interested to hear from people in such a situation :)
I have my bachelor's, and FI is working toward his master's/doctorate. He's so smart! But luckily we have similar senses of humor and interests (outside his degrees ^^; engineering is hard!), and he's not into flaunting his intelligence, so it has been fine for us.
FI and I both have our bachelors. However I don't think we are at the same level intellectually. Don't get me wrong he is super smart in some areas mostly Anthropology/space/science related but omg he seems to be so dense when it comes to real life situations/conversations. I was once talking about Mormons and he asked if I was talking about "the mythical creatures that live underground" I was like wtf? lmao.
We have somewhat of a gap i guess. I have my jd and he has a bachelors from a business school. I don't think it really matters... we're in totally different jobs. He is an accountant and is all-math/economics. I'm a lawyer and I deal with people and laws. Maybe it would be an issue if we didn't have comparable jobs? But I feel like we're very equal in terms of "white-collar-ness" Lol?
I have my bachelor's degree and my FI is currently pursuing his PhD. We are in totally different fields though...me...IT..particulary software & test engineering...him...biomedical research...specializing in forensics. It makes for interesting conversation =) We call each other nerds all the time but it's good that we can talk abt a variety of topics. His field is really interesting and he thinks the same about mine so we are good =)
Definitely no gap between me and the SO. That was something when I was looking for a bf that I knew I couldn't deal with. I needed someone to not only be interesting, but also have a certain level of education. I don't care about degree in this and that I just wanted someone who had similar interests. Our majors in college were very similar so we could talk about our respective fields and it works out for us.
We are equally matched in education, but that could be changing soon. I'll be getting my BS in biochemistry in Spring 2011. After that I have plans to pursue either a masters/phd/pharmD (haven't decided yet).
He is set to get his BA in psychology in Spring 2011. His original plans were to continue his education and get his PsyD. However, he is also working on a baseball career and if all goes well this summer he will be dropping his education to go play professional baseball.
I'm not super happy that he doesn't have plans to finish his degree as I would like him to at least have his bachelors. Because our majors are so reasonably different we don't really discuss much about them (he's focusing on clinical stuff, I'm looking into heavy research) so I guess it doesn't matter too much if we aren't equal education wise. I know he is intelligent and if his baseball career works out he will make MUCH more than I will :)
I'm working on an Associates degree and FFI dropped out of HS but he's smarter than I am. (Social anxiety and very non-supportive family) His IQ is quite impressive while I am only slightly above average.
Not really. He's older, so he finished his masters at the same time I finished my BA. Having a masters isn't a career necessity in my area of interest, so that gap may stay there unless I want to teach or pursue something specialized. To be honest, I sorta kinda despise school, so I'll be happy to stay out of it for a while, if not permanently. But we both have collegiate experience and understand that environment. In terms of smarts we're on par; we have a great mix of intellectual, artistic, emotional, and everyday intelligence between us.
He has his Masters in Education and I have my medical degree... I don't consider it a "gap" though. We're both highly educated people. 
My husband has a doctorate and I have a bachelor's and several years of post-bacc work. I went on to get several certifications too, but I always tease him that I want to get more initials behind my name than he has ;)
One of the nicest things is that we are in the same field of work with different jobs, so we each understand when the other has a rotten day or a late night at work.
My fiance and I have the same degree, from the same school and graduated at the same time. We work at the same place, and he earns double what I do. It's not a huge issue but sometimes get a bit competitive, or feel like I'm not pulling my weight.
Funny story though, I dated a guy for a very short while in university who didn't graduate highschool. I had no real problem with that by itself, but one day I turned on one of those "How'd they do that" kind of shows on the Discovery Channel, and he was like... "Ugh, I don't like learning". I knew in that instant he wasn't for me regardless of educational status. I could never be with someone who had a negative attitude toward learning new things.
Sapphire Sun just had to say that quote from your ex cracked me up! Feeling that way is so foreign to me he might as well have said he didn't like breathing. I'm so glad you're marrying someone else :)
We both have a BA in History/Political Science from the same university, though I am finishing up my teaching credentials while he waiting to go back to school to get his credentials until next semester since he has to support my butt while I'm teaching full time for no pay.
So, we're pretty close. Will be identical once he finishes his credentials!
We both have the same education (Bachelor's).
This is a generalization, but I've found there are two types of students: those who love the learning, and those who love the degree. I adore the former... and I find that their actual education level doesn't matter at all in conversation.
I have a lot of experience with the latter at work though... not as much fun. Generally the more education, the more arrogance... and I really dislike arrogance.
It's funny because we are both really good at opposite things (I'm liberal arts he is an engineer). I already have a BA in Poli Sci and I will get/getting a MPA and JD. FH has a BS in Electrical Engineering and hasn't decided whether he will get a masters (But I can totally see him getting a PHD because he is so smart). We are both nerds (hot nerds lol) and I believe that our degrees will complement each other well because in the future FH wants to start his own business and I will be the CEO/lawyer for the company.
FI & I both have bachelors. I went to a somewhat better/more prestigious school renowned for its engineering/computer science AND arts programs. I was in fine arts (music) and have a BFA in vocal performance. FI went to a good but lower tiered university and did a yr abroad at a prestigious business school, earned 2 degrees (finance & accting) plus a minor in econ. He's heavily licensed now, will be sitting for the final level of the CFA (arguably the toughest financial licensing exam, 3 exams, takes 3 yrs) and works for one of the top investment banks. I can spend hours talking about music comp and languages (for opera, I had to study French, Italian & German), while FI will go one about the Funds he started in college, the micro-finance charity he founded and his banking job, and I typically have no REALLY idea what he's talking about. After working 12-14 hr days, he likes that he can come home and NOT have to talk shop, and he enjoys that I can expose him to cultural elements he's not as versed in. I feel aptitude-wise, we're actually pretty equal; we just both bring something very different to the table.
LOL@Mr. Bee. My mind immediately went to all the specialty tech engineers i work with who have their PhD. They're so arrogant sometimes!!!
I think FI and I may have the biggest gap so far - I have a masters. He has a handful of college credits.
If you'd have asked me before I met him, I would have said there's no way that kind of relationship would work. My ex had a few college classes and zero ambition. It caused a lot of tension between us. He did go back to school right before we broke up, for an HVAC certification. Then he had the nerve to say, "See! Now I'm in school, just like you! We're on the same level now!" as I was slaving away in grad school.
ANYWAY....current FI. He's smart as heck. He makes more money than I do, because he started at the bottom of the totem pole in his company and taught himself everything he needed to know to advance. He knows more than some people with a degree in his field. He loves physics, math and astronomy; he watches the science channel and explains to me what's going on. He really is a big dork (I say that very affectionately!); he just is not a traditional learner and hates classrooms.
Intellectually, we're extremely well-matched, although in very different fields and interests. He's going back to school this fall to work toward a degree in aviation technology.
I may have beat everyone!
I have 3 masters plus one more on the way in various fields (literature, special education, jewish studies, finishing one in administration right now)...and my FI is a mechanic with a GED.
We get along great because we both are sci-fi nerds, both have a love for science, bth love fishing, both love lying low, both love pets, both agree on the future education of our children, etc.
Its only a problem when we hang out with my extended family and some friends because they are, on occasions, snobs and like to feel their own self-importance.
I think it really depends on the person. I have a degree from Penn State. Not Ivy League, but a pretty well-respected school. Before FI, I dated two people without degrees. One was just not intelligent at all, and it was clear. But the other guy, you'd be surprised that he doesn't have a degree because he was so smart.
My FI, though, has a bachelor's degree from a state university. It took him a long time to get it because he wasn't motivated, but he's now getting an MBA. I'm really happy we're on par education-wise (and soon he'll have a higher degree than me!) because it makes me feel like we're more stable. Plus it doesn't hurt that it was really important to my parents that whomever I marry was well-educated.
My FI and I are well matched (MD / JD-in-two-more-years).
But, my mother has a B.S. and my father just has his high school degree. They are, at least, intellectually well matched, since I'm pretty sure my dad is the quicker learner. They've been married for 25+ years.
As long as two people are intellectually well matched, and nerdiness-matched, it doesn't matter too much what the degrees say. It would drive me nuts to talk to him, though, if I couldn't discuss abstract things or bounce ideas off my FI.
I've got an MPH and am on the way to getting a doctorate, FI is just belatedly finishing up his undergrad. It's not a problem at all, because FI is a) one of those awesome students that love learning that Mr. Bee described b) he's a good deal more intelligent than most of the people I've met in my pretty snooty academic career, he just didn't end up finishing school for personal reasons, so while there is an education gap it never feels as though there is an intelligence gap and c) he's ridiculously supportive of me and cheers me on at every turn so it never feels like a big threatening gender issue or something. When I was much younger and we were first starting out I worried what people would think and had a sort of skewed perception of him, I am embarrassed to admit, but that changed and it's never really been an issue between us. I'm actually very glad for it in a lot of ways because it made me change my own sizeable bias about what I thought was "uneducated" and made me snap out of that snobbery. I have had to lay a smackdown on a couple of jerkfaces that we've met at snooty academic parties however who've looked down their noses at him because they're insecure snobs but I'm ok with that, I like laying smackdowns :)
I have a MEd and am working on an MBA while FI is struggling to finish his BA.
School is just not his thing. He works in a skilled trade (he's a chef) and got all his practical experience in the field so all the degree is for is to give him some umph for when he's looking for manegerial positions. He doesn't even want to finish but his family is pressuring him and he also told me that he wanted to "at least have a college degree" so that my family (or others) didn't look down on him.
Regardless of whether or not he finishes school, gets a Masters, etc he's extremely intelligent (ex: missed a perfect on the SAT by like 50 points). We have stimulating, intellegent conversations on a regular basis, something we both need in a relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not just the education level, there is more that goes into it.
My FI and are definetly total opposites. I have have a bachelors as a double major in psychology and am going back to school to obtain my master and my FI is an electrician. I am very polished and a little book smart and he is the complete opposite of that. But it works out for us. He keeps me grounded and I make him step up his game. I do all of the paperwork and communications for his business and his business makes more money than I ever will so it's a trade off.
on paper we are pretty aligned, we both have our typical bach's (mine in liberal arts, his is bus. admin).. and he is in a 2 year mba program and i'm in a 3 year jd program.
we differ on the fact that i absolutely LOVE school, while FI's motivations are completely around furthering his career. if it weren't for the necessity he wouldn't open another textbook EVER. :P i've always been a book/school nerd and if i could get paid to go to school i would... :)
it really does depend on the person, i don't necessarily think that education/intelligence are attached at the hips... (although they are loosely correlated)... even tho FI is not a school person, he is intelligent and has other facets besides books in which he makes me learn from him everyday and visa versa :)
I have my Masters and 2 Bachelor's, and my FI has a high school diploma. However, it isn't an issue for us...he has an extremely hard work ethic and is very successful at what he does.
I have a PhD and he went to tech school (mechanic). I might have far more education, but we're more closely matched in terms of intelligence and aspirations/drive. Education is often used as a proxy for those, but I think its those underlying characteristics that matter much more.
My fiancé has his PhD, and I have my B.A. and a few years of post-bacc/law school.
We have different academic interests, so we have different areas of strength and knowledge. I think though, overall, intellectually we’re pretty well matched. I wouldn’t/couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t, and neither could fiancé.
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