Weddingbee boards

Um... So I took 3 tests today and they are all positive, but this wasn't anything short of a surprise. How do you tell a husband who wasn't anticipating kids until 5 years down the road? Anyone have any experience with this? Was he happy? Excited? Scared? Unhappy?

I'm not sure how I feel yet, I don't believe it. I'm about to run out to the grocery store for a digital test, because I don't believe the 3 BFPs staring back at me. I should though, because I've been falling asleep at inopportune times the past 4 or 5 days, I'm really stuffy (not sick feeling though), and my pants are a tiny bit tighter. Help? Supportive advice? I'd be more inclined to not be so nervous if this was not totally out of the blue. I'm mostly worried about my husband, and how he is going to feel. I'm in a state of disbelief, but happy.

Has anyone else been caught off guard? How long did it take for the news to sink in, and seem "real"? How did you tell your husband? When do you start feeling symptoms other than just tired? I feel so in the dark. :-)   Give me some early pregnancy stories!

Congrats! I hope all goes well telling your hubby. I'm sure he'll be happy!

@NDBee:  Thank you for  your story. :-)  I surprised myself actually, because I didn't think I'd be happy with an unplanned person, but the more hours have gone by, the more I'm liking this idea. I'm just worried, and probably unnecessarily that he won't be as excited as I am. But you are right, we are a team. This has been the longest night ever. He works 2nd shift, so he won't be home until maybe 2:30am, so I have a long ways to go before we can talk. But I think I'll ask him to think about it for a week and let it resonate before he reacts. That's fair; we can get used to the idea together.

I think the best route is to take it one step at a time, and not let yourself get too overwhelmed. 

Digital is totally positive. Now I can't second guess those pesky lines.

I haven't been through this, but I just wanted to offer my support! Breathe, and good luck!

Thank you! :)

Thanks bees. I'm a little morally deflated right now. He is not happy at all. He says we aren't ready, and wants to "stick to the plan", if you catch my drift. :-(   He agreed to "think about it" for a week like I asked him to, but it doesn't look favorable.

He doesn't get how difficult this is. Sure I didn't want it so soon either, but my instinct is now that there's company, I feel obligated to protect it. I feel sad that his answer was so quick and automatic. I had to remind him it wasn't "A" baby, but "OUR" baby.

I know this doesn't win him a husband of the year award among the bees, but he does have his reasons. Downs syndrom runs in his family, and he is very insecure about the probability of us having a Downs baby, especially since his younger brother had it, and died from complications stemming from it at 12 years old. He's nervous about history repeating itself, and feels bad that we didn't talk to any doctors to know how to go about maximizing our chances for a "normal" baby. I get his concerns, but I don't think it's something you can necessarily prevent just because you've planned it. ::sigh:: I know he said he'd think about it, but I don't think he's going to change his mind.

i went through this. we were not expecting a child and i had to tell my hubby. his first reaction was definitely not elation, it was more like practical, "we have a situation in front of us that we need to just deal with" kind of response. After the first ultrasound though, his feeling about everything changed, and now i am almost 19 weeks and he is just thrilled! it may be awkward at first, it will just take him a while to get used to the idea.

Are you okay with "sticking to the plan" if that is what he wants?

Maybe taking a trip to the doctor with you or hearing the baby's heart beat will get him excited about it!

Thanks all. I've been feeling very alone with this issue, so the  hive has definitely helped. I tried to talk to my best female friend, but she just had a baby 8 months ago, so she's being more judgmental than supportive.

We have been proactive in the few hours we've known about the BFP (all 4 of them)... I've got an appointment set up for 12/21, and we're seeing a counselor tonight to kind of work through the emotions.

The more the day has gone on, the less cavalier my husband has become. He's been crying all day because he feels bad, but he feels firm with not being ready. He is scared to death. I can't blame him, I am too. But I'm not looking forward to seeing the ultra sound, because I know I'm going to get attached when I see it. I know my husband is right in a lot of ways, but I'm not committing to anything yet until the week is up. I want to think very long and hard about things. I also have a health issue that I discovered in August that might make the pregnancy difficult so I might not even go through with it for those reasons. All things to chat with the doctor about.

I am not judging and I support whatever you do.....but, DO NOT do it unless YOU want to...please don't let his negativity sway you into treminating a pregnancy...because you will live with that forever. It is your body and your decision and he knew his wife could fall pregnant at anytime...that's the risk you take when you have sex.

If you choose to keep: I honestly think that once he holds his baby for the first time he will fall MADLY in love:)

I hope things are going well for you today and that you are taking this time as you want to think and that your hubby is doing the same. Sounds like you will be able to work through this together with whatever your decision is.

As everyone has said we are here for you.

I can't say thank you enough for the positive words of support. It's more than I've gotten from flesh and blood friends at this point. The two that I told looked at me like I was a horrible human being for even considering termination. We've been seeing our counselor since before we got married as a means to adjust to married life in a healthy and ongoing basis, and to be proactive in maintaining strong communication. It seemed like a natural fit to go to her immediately to sort things out, especially since my friends made me feel like total garbage.

After talking to the counselor, I'm more comfortable with the possibility of having to say goodbye to our first conceived baby. Especially with my disease. When I got pregnant, my thyroxine hormones were not yet at the levels they need to be (it's been a gradual course of treatment, especially since I have a heart issue making it a slow course of action), and I know it's dangerous to both me, and whomever I am carrying. The counselor said at best case scenario, the baby would have intellectual deficits (that's her line of work), and my regular doctor who I spoke on the phone with showed concern for other reasons, mostly for my health in getting my body back to a state of homeostasis, which it isn't. I wasn't there before conception, and the doctor doesn't think termination is a bad idea because we haven't yet figured out what dosage is going to work best for me.

That makes me feel better about my husband saying "we aren't ready!" because that seems so trite, and a little selfish to a degree. Not that he isn't entitled to his opinions, but the baby didn't ask to be conceived. I don't know. I have mixed feelings, but I can at least be at peace with a termination as a proximate cause of my medical issues vs. just not feeling like dealing with a crying infant. I still have some time with it, so I will do some bonding, let it know that it's not lack of love on my part, and then say goodbye. When that happens, I know I'm going to need more hive support than ever, so I will say thank you again to everyone that stopped in to offer me love in the first place. Thank you ladies so much. I will come back with updates.