(Closed) Effective communication in a relationship

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My exH was the type where if I mentioned he needed to do something more than once, he’d say “You don’t have to tell me again….I’m not 5 years old.”  So I just started leaving him lists of things that needed to be done on the fridge.  Passive aggressive I know but it worked.

DH is opposite….he has a horrible memory and b/c I’ve been “trained” by my exH, I tell him to do something once and then I’ll wind up doing it.  He gets really mad when I do and says “Hey, didn’t you tell me to do that?”  We were having issues w/this so I flat out asked him what I should do about it.

He has a running list of things HE needs to do himself but I also add things all the time.  Now that I know he won’t be upset if I ask him 5 times, I do….not in a nagging way but I just say “hey, dishwasher’s clean again…can you empty it?” 

Maybe ask your DH how HE would like you to approach these things.  I honestly thought I was “nagging” DH but he told me “PLEASE tell me again and again until I do it!”  And the list thing helps b/c he tries to accomplish as much on it as possible. 

Post # 4
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@texasbee:  

ITA about asking him how he wants you to remind him.  I did this.  I have a habit of urping things out as I think of them so I don’t forget.  Dh hears DO THIS NOW.

So I asked him what would work best and it turned out he wants a list of tasks via em.  He’s very visual and can prioritize beter that way when he mentally sets up his day.

And don’t forget, the poor dears cannot multitask.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@abricot_chat:  if this is the dynamic you’ve had your whole relationship, is it fair to ask him to change now? I think he deserves a frank conversation about what you’d like to chamge. If you aren’t happy with his response perhas this isn’t the relationship for yall.

A counselor/minister might assist in sorting these things out.

Post # 6
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

I’d also like to add, before this becomes a male trashing thread, my SO has no problem doing anything himself. He litens, often better than I do. He isn’t lazy either. Men are not by nature any different than women when it comes to sharing work.

Post # 7
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@sassy411:  DH has been attempting to “perfect” his list-making for the last month.  I do it on a spreadsheet that is linked to our emails.  And you are so right about them not being able to multi-task.  Sometimes DH has to slow me down when I talk b/c I bring up 5 separate issues in the same convo….I’m learning that if I want his full attention I need to talk about ONE thing at a time.

Post # 9
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@abricot_chat:  Read “The five love languages” – it’ll take you an hour or so to finish the book – its 13 dollars at meijers. I have been doing the things for 8 days and I cannot believe the response it has gotten. I may have even figured out how to get him to read the book too so we can work on our communication together (it was not easy though lol).

Post # 10
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you may need a chore chart.  Leave a list of things that need to get done regularly on the fridge.  Initial and date every time you do something.  You’ll notice he’ll start chipping in as soon as he sees how much and how frequently you do things.

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