- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I have been majorly depressed now 4 times in my life. Ugh. Once in high school (I think social anxiety, OCD, and uncontrolled ADD were to blame), once during my first year of college (probably too much drinking and a non-structured schedule), once sometime after ending a long term relationship and not knowing what I wanted to continue to go to school for, and more recently this past December, when I finally went to the doctor and literally couldn’t stop myself from crying so hard in front of her…
This recent depression I think was prompted by a very stressful, packed school semester, the fact that I was now officially in my late twenties and hadn’t checked off as many things on my list as I had hoped, and the mere thought that I could possibly be feeling this crappy again.
I have taken SSRIs before, but I wanted to try something like Wellbutrin (because of promises of no weight gain and less sexual side effects), but my doctor said Effexor (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) would be best and that it could also improve my ADD symptoms. I started on 37.5, which seemed to take the edge off, and then it was increased to 75mg. I read somewhere that it only really helps AD/HD at very high doses like 300ish mg, which I believe because I still seem to need Adderall to focus. I have had days where I feel pretty good, but then there are days where I still feel kind of just “gray?” and nothing gets done. Last fall I lost weight (stress maybe), but I felt good in that area and was excited about it. This year, however, I have somehow gained back more weight (20 lbs). I can carry it pretty well because I am tall, but every day I just feel fat, bloated, unattractive, etc., which makes me want to eat even more! I don’t know if it is the depression lifting (making my appetite “better”) or if it is my depression getting worse (or the Effexor just not being effective enough). All I know is that the weight gain sort of coincided with the Effexor (and usually people lose weight on this drug).
I want to slowly get off Effexor (actually, the generic, which, unfortunately, is still about $130 per month) in the spring time (i.e., now) if I can, but I don’t know if I have been on it long enough. Apparently, it is recommended to stay on antidepressants for more than 6 months, and up to a year in order to help prevent it from coming back. Additionally, I am nervous about both getting off the drug or getting the dose increased. I accidentally missed one dose once and I felt LIKE SH*T the next two days…dizzy…just weird and sick. This just makes me not want to increase (and then eventually decrease/go off) my dose even more.
To top it all off, I truly think my SO is depressed right now as well! He sleeps all the time (when he is home and not travelling for work at least), and I believe he has all the typical “male depression” symptoms. But I also think he is the type that doesn’t 100% believe depression is a “real disease,” which doesn’t help either of us. (I feel like I can’t really talk about all this with him..)
Ugh! I am just so sick of being depressed like every 4ish years. Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life?! It is so draining and stressful, expensive, and a frickin hassle. I would actually LOVE to just see some sort of counselor to talk about my feelings, etc. (especially one who specializes in ADD/depression), but I just don’t think it is in my insurance plan.
Bees, thank you for listening. If any of you have any experience with Effexor, or any similar experiences with depression, please share! I am sick of taking meds for this and just want to feel normal again… :/