Post # 1
So, FI and I have been here in NYC for a little over 2 months. I had a temporary freelance contract with my old job, but it ended yesterday, and although when it started, it was 20 hours a week, it has gone way down to about 5 hours a week. Not a bunch of $$ anyway.
I’ve been applying for lots of jobs – had a few promising interviews, but no bites yet. Just recently signed up with a staffing agency and had a great interview with them – am hoping that’ll help. Still, I used to be a big fish in a small pond and now the opposite is true, and it’s getting scary. We just realized that we are about to run completely out of money. We won’t have enough to pay rent for December. Plus, I have student loans, COBRA, phone bills, internet bills, etc. In January, he’ll get his next semester’s loan disbursement, but for one month, we will be utterly, totally broke.
Once, he said jokingly that I should consider donating a few of my eggs. I got sort of offended – I had always heard it was a pretty invasive procedure and that it’s not THAT much money. But now I’ve been reading up on it, and for a one-time thing, I think I want to look into it. We’re seriously desperate for money, it doesn’t seem as invasive as I had thought, and it doesn’t really bother me in the sense that oh, another woman would have my eggs. I don’t feel weird about that at all.
Would you ever consider something like this? What are your arguments for or against it? Would it bother you as a feminist, as a future (or current) mother, or anything like that? How would you feel if your FI donated sperm, and is it comparable?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t do it…not b/c I think it’s morally wrong but because I wouldn’t be able to rest knowing that a child is out there that carried half of my genetic material and I don’t know who or where he/she is. If it’s not the same situation for you, and the money is right, go for it. Why don’t you both donate though….while it may not be as invasive as you originally thought, it’s still more invasive than your FI donating his sperm.
Post # 4
i would never do this just for the money. how would you feel knowing that someone else has your genetic child? personally, i would not be able to cope.
but on the ethical side, do you have genetic disorders or diseases? these could be passed on through your eggs, and the people using the eggs would have no idea the family history — this is irresponsible to the child’s health (i know egg donation places will ask questions and run tests, but what if you discover a disease in your family history 3 years from now?). do you have mood disorders? these could all be passed on to the child, and that child’s parents would not be aware and able to better prepare/inform themselves of any potential difficulties facing the child.
if you want to donate eggs out of pure benevolence, to give someone who desperately wants it the opportunity to have children, i have no problem as long as you are completely truthful. however, donating eggs purely for money seems unethical to me. i know others will disagree, but that’s my take on it.
Post # 5
I don’t think I’d do it because it’s too invasive. From what I’ve read, you need to take hormones for awhile and then have them surgically harvested.
There’s a part of me, though, that is tempted simply because I have zero desire to raise children (I have the maternal instincts of a large rock) but like the idea of my genetic material being carried on. Totally, totally lame, but I have actually discussed that with my fiance who feels the same way. I’ve told him he actually should look into being a sperm donor because he wants to pass on his genes. To me, the issue is how invasive it is. I actually really like the idea of us having children somewhere in the world that we don’t have to deal with. (it’s when I say things like this that people realize that maybe they should stop trying to change my mind about not wanting kids, btw… ;))
Post # 6
My only hang up with it is how invasive and hard on your body it can be. I’ve heard it is painful and some people end up looking 6+ months pregnant because of how messed up your hormones get.
I thought about it when I was in college because donating eggs does pay well, but after reading about how much it would take over your life while you are prepping for the donation, I decided against it.
Post # 7
Yea this is a hard one imo… it doesn’t really bother me that I’d have genetically linked people out there (although maybe it would after I had kids?). The invasiveness doesn’t bother me. But its just….. icky. lol. I don’t know. I wouldn’t ever judge someone else for doing it… but something about getting paid for body parts just doesn’t sit right with me.
Post # 8
A friend of mine did it 3 times, when she was in college. She said it was actually a very rewarding experience (knowing your helping another family.)
One thing I didn’t know, that she told me about, is that the clinics create a profile of you including your pic, background info,your personality, even SAT scores, and then the couple picks you; thats when you have the procedure.
Personally I don’t think I would do it, just because of the mere fact that I don’t like having medical procedures/ surgerys of any sort. But, I do think its an amazing thing to do!
As far as a feminist point, I in no way think donating your eggs is negative, in fact, it further emphasizes the fact that women should be able to do whatever with their own body as they wish.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I’m fairly certain you have to get fertility injections, on top of the invasive procedure. So it’s not something I’d ever do because I was going to have one very broke month.
Post # 10
Yeah, what I’m thinking of isn’t really egg “donation,” is it?! I admit it’s purely for the $$. I don’t know why, but the idea of my genetic “half” out there in the world doesn’t bother me – although I’d be worried if any damage was done to my body and I myself couldn’t have kids later, or if the hormones I took eventually sparked cancer in me.
I’m sure I won’t actually do it, but I’ll admit that I started reading up on it this morning! Everyone here has such interesting takes on the situation…
Post # 11
For what its worth… I have no problem with donating blood (for free) but the clinics that pay you to donate blood creep me out too. I really think its just an “accepting money for part of my body” problem for me.
Post # 12
I’ve done it twice. I have a daughter and feel so lucky to have played a part in two other couples being able to have kids. For me it was an all around great experience. The injections kind of suck, but I just tried to remember how much the mom had been through doing at least a couple of rounds of IVF before turning to egg donation just to be disappointed. It definitely never made me look 6 months pregnant. The only thing I’d say is it’s very important that your partner is supportive because there is a period of time where you can’t have sex that usually lasts about 2 months and you are VERY fertile for a couple of months after everything so you have to be extra careful then too. If you have personal questions about it feel free to PM me.
P.S. I think you should add a choice to the poll to say “yes I’ve done it.”
Post # 13
I have not donated eggs and I do not know anyone who has, but I think one aspect of donating that is invasive is all of the hormones you need to be on during it. You also have to abstain from having sex while on the hormones, because they make you very fertile. I have no problem with egg donation ethically, but procedurally I do not think it would be for me.
Post # 14
I would do it if my family history did not exclude me – so before you get your hopes up, make sure you aren’t automatically excluded (i.e. family history of cancer of heart disease.) And it is not a “quick” process, so this probably would not be the answer to your December rent problem.
Also, make sure you are aware of the risks you would take by taking the fertility meds.
But as far as the “ethics” go – the people that “buy” eggs have tons of $$ to pay for the expensive fertility treatments. If they are willing to pay, they are either going to “buy” your eggs or they will just buy from someone else, so why shouldn’t you benefit?
For the people that cannot afford to “buy” eggs…. well, there are tons of children who need a good home and loving family.
Post # 15
I don’t have any ethical qualms about it, but from what little I’ve read up about it, it sounds pretty invasive – so not really a quick way to make money. I briefly looked into a couple of places when I was in college, and besides mountains of paperwork you had to fill out about your entire family history, you have to go through all sorts of medical testing and hormone therapy.
I think if you want to do it and are committed to the process, that’s one thing, but it probably isn’t a solution for a short-term, quickly needed $ problem. Just my 2 cents! 🙂
Post # 16
I think you should just suggest your husband donate sperm. Sounds like the better option to me. Just kidding though!
I probably wouldn’t do it unless I wanted to help someone out. Going through all that just for some extra cash doesn’t make sense to me.