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at the sake of taking a lot of heat on this one...
i just wanted to ask, how many of you bees feel 100% comfortable writing your opinion on the 'bee?
i usually write what i feel and don't think twice what the reaction will be from the hive... on posts that i have differing or negative, "judgemental" or borderline snarky opinions, i just dont comment - as i don't think it's beneficial to anyone.
BUT, i know recently there's been a few fires that have been blown up over a lot of comments that were WAY overread and misjudged as "intentionally snarky..."
i appreciate the hive as a supportive forum, but i also don't want it to be a "fake" community of BUBBLES CLOUDS RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES, cuz we are afraid of getting yelled at for saying something (not meant to be mean!) :P
just wanted to get the hives' thoughts out in the open so that all of us can get it off our chest and move on to a truly honest, supportive hive!!
I feel like at times, I have appropriate comments that I am too concerned to post because I know people will give me crap for saying it. It's my biggest complaint about WB. I absolutely, positively believe that (at times) we sacrifice honesty for feigned support. But yet, maybe that's what some bees want?
my comments are pretty honest. If my only reaction to a post is "bitchy" then I refrain from commenting because as you said its not beneficial to anyone..I too would like an honest hive...
Um... I definitely think before I type. I am naturally SUPER sarcastic and that doesn't always come across right in type. So I do usually re-read and try to avoid any issues. :)
I'm with Corgi on re-typing before I "submit" because I can be painfully sarcastic & blunt at times & sickeningly bubbly and immature at others.
Here's the problem with honesty: It always gets someone's undies in a knot. You can't please everyone all the time BUT I do think it's important not just IRL but in an online community as well to phrase things in such a way as to try to avoid confrontation, even if it means watering-down your "opinion" or not posting at all.
JMO.
I am also not always a super chipper happy camper type and am quite sarcastic, but I think when it comes to people's wedding everyone is emotional about it and takes it personally. I just don't comment on things I disagree with unless I feel it's really important to say.
I def. go by the "if you don't have anything nice to say...." frame of mind. If it's based on facts I'll comment regardless, or if it's asking for an honest opinon I post, but if my comment is going to start something.. I refrain from posting and move on to the next thread.
I am a very positive and upbeat person, but sometimes I repeat things to myself before I post them so I don't come off as mean.
Because sometimes really, girls are being spoiled little brats and I think they should know! But I keep those opinions to myself for the most part.
Also, something that bugs me is when someone asks for honest opinions about the way they look. I would really want someone to be honest with me, but it seems like most girls are a little afraid to be honest.
But really, I'm nice. 
I usually refrain from commenting if what I have to say isn't at least constructive. I tend to be very blunt, though, so sometimes I think that maybe I come off as kind of bitchy when I'm really being blunt for the sake of brevity, not bitchery.
I know what you mean. I do think about what I say and try to be nice and diplomatic with my responses. I really like how the hive is and I hope that we can disagree about things as long as we don't say things that are outright mean or snarky to each other.
I think this is a funny one because it kind of goes both ways and I don't think there's a way to resolve it.
I see threads sometimes where I think people are being really catty and mean and I want to say "whoa, what makes you think that's okay?" but it's pretty intimidating to say something on a thread where everyone is agreeing so sometimes I do and sometimes I don't and I do feel constrained to ignore some of those threads.
However when I do comment (i.e. don't walk on eggshells) the people in the thread could accuse me of making them walk on eggshells.
It makes no sense to say "I don't want to walk on eggshells, so you should walk on eggshells instead in order to make me comfortable".
Eh, unavoidable result of differences in opinion.
I agree with Ella1978 - I usually don't post on things I can't offer advice on or a supportive comment. It just seems pointless and counterproductive to say something that could be misconstrued as mean or snarky.
Of course I think if anyone is posting their business on a message-board they may need to remind themselves that they may not always get the kind of feedback they're hoping for.
So @Arachna, I mean no harm in saying this at all but, you're a bee who stands out in my mind because I typically see you say things contrary to the popular consensus. A lot of times, you do get crap for it. Sometimes I agree with you, sometimes I don't. But I most definitely think of you when I think of an honest, out spoken, not afraid to post how she really feels, bee.
If I feel strongly about something but saw that the majority of posters disagreed w/my thoughts I'd still post it.
There are times, however, where I bite my tongue (or in this case - sit on my hands) and don't respond at all to certain threads.
VirginiaMarie, thanks! No offense taken over that at all, you're right that I post contrary opinions more often than other bees (though I do frequently hesitate and don't as well!) and while I've gotten some crap for it I usually haven't gotten that much - one of the things I like about weddingbee, if I'm in the right I can usually count on at least some others agreeing with me (of course I'm not always in the right).
But you'll never see me tell anyone that their dress is ugly either bluntly or nicely. :)
Also, besides coming across as a meanie-head, you have to consider how much you value your 'popularity' in this forum, and go from there..
I think if we were all honest all the time, we would all hate each other really quick :P
@arachna, i completely agree with you.... even as i was posting, i second guessed posting the question... since it's one of those, there's never going to be a black/white solution for it.
like i said i love the supportive nature of the 'bee, it's what stands out from all of the other wedding forums... and i honestly don't mean differing comments about aesthetic stuff (bcuz i think that's personal to every individual bride)...
but esp on topics of relationhips/emotional or posts asking for true advice... it's hard to see answers that are both positive reinforcement and constructive criticism...
i guess it's really hard through the mask of being online... but i DO think there's a difference between constructive criticism... and "being snarky"... and sometimes i think we're OVERly sensitive about CC as snarky... or as dana put it "bitchery" ;P
I just try not to post in generalities. Saying something like "I don't want a strawberry bouquet because all the girls that have them are pretentious and snobby." That may well be my opinion, but if you post that to the boards, someone is bound to chime into the thread and say "Hey that's very offensive to girls who will have fruit bouquets!" Then you have to post a follow-up "I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone."
I guess in general the feeling of walking on eggshells comes when people write a thread, and ONE thing in that thread is picked out as being offensive to someone. If the OP's intention was to insult any group of people, then sure, it should be addressed. But if the OP had NO intention of offending anyone, then the thread blows up about how offensive it is, it's kind of sad because it detracts from the purpose of the original post. If you know that wasn't the point of the post, then why feel the need to post how offended you were by it?
(PS-The perfect example of this would be if someone wrote a reply saying that my post is really offensive to fruit bouquet brides...see what I mean about not getting the point of the post in the first place?)
Okqueenbee presents a great point. We remember a lot of what the others post, and definietly decide if we like or trust someone's opinions based on previous interactions with them. But, such is life.
I think it's always important to remember that we are women who are: poor, rich, caucasian, hispanic, young, old, professional, trade, divorced, waiting, full figured, thin, blonde, brunette, trendy, old fashioned, carefree, type A, big boobs, small boobs, expensive engagement rings, no engagement rings, educated, or not well educated. (and EVERYTHING in between!)
There is no possible way to avoid accidently insulting each other. But all in all, I hope the bees will always be honest with me. I also hope that people try to remind themselves that we're just a group of random online strangers and if you don't like our opinion, is it reallly that big of a deal?
@MightySapphire: My fruit bouquet really represents the sweetness of my everyday life and the "sour" patches that me and my FI have overcome together! It has nothing to do with me being pretentious and snotty, and frankly, I resent that you would even think that.
Here it is. The stars really have important meaning to me too. Each one reprsents a forgone ancestor that was really a "star" in my life. I am thinking of getting tiny pictures of each of them to pin to each star.
Anyone have any tips on how to avoid flies?
(I have been on bedrest for far, far too long now.)
I always post honest opinions, but try to be careful with my words. I don't like that some people are so sensitive that we feel obligated to write "not meant to be mean" or something to that effect all the time... I mean, I sure hope that in this great support community, people don't mean to be mean by giving an honest opinion and we shouldn't have to justify that all the time.. right?
@ILikePink: You owe me a soda! And I'll send you the bill for my computer! You just made me spit Black Cherry soda ALL OVER MY MONITOR! LMAO!!
PS-Where in the hell did you find that?? I thought that was a safe fictitious thing to put up!!
@MightySapphire. Hehehe. I just googled "Fruit Bouquet" and it came up like magic.
IRL, I really hate these things because all I can imagine if someone sent me one is fruit flies everywhere! Ish.
I don't hesitate sharing my opinion (and I guess I'm opinionated) if I feel like there's anything constructive that can come out of it, whether or not it agrees with the majority. I also try to mainly use 'me' language and use my experience to say why I feel that way. Because there's a lot I have no idea about from the original post and you know what they say about assume - it makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. Though I guess I usually try to avoid snarkiness.
@egb: Yeah, usually if I'm putting that disclaimer on a post I go back and re-read it to figure out exactly why I felt like I had to write it. Because if I wrote it, something must be off in the post...but sometimes you just gotta add that in if you think that people might take your post the wrong way. I don't like that we have to do that either, I feel like in WB land it should be assumed that you weren't trying to be mean, kinda like innocent until proven guilty?
i joined weddingbee not too long ago and it's great--everyone is very sweet, but it's my opinion that this place is sometimes a bit too supportive, if that makes sense. i always thought that an internet forum is a great place to get honest opinions from complete strangers, because it is the job of our friends and family to coddle us--but people we don't know have no need to tell us white lies. i don't know.. i try to be honest, i think that's what people want (that's what i want).. it's better to hear it over the internet now than in person after your wedding
We totally need a "clue" that we are being scarcastic.. like if you put a comment in double brackets...
{{you need to stop making fun of my fruit bouquet}} or something.. so people know we are joking.. I can also get scarcastic, but I refrain from posting scarcasm, cause it just never reads well!
what about we are always nice, but when we're about to post something sarcastic, you add (SARCASTIC) after your comment? That would be clear enough for everyone, I think? (SARCASTIC)
I am about as sarcastic as they come, so if you see my name, or my cute lil' peonies over there, take whatever I am saying with a grain of salt.
Also, I am all jacked up on Vicodin and Pineapple Juice, so you know, I'm not in the best frame of mind. 
(My sarcasm clue here)
My wisdome teeth surgery is going to get me on to the next level of beedom.
" (SARCASTIC){{omg! hooker lipstick!}} (SARCASTIC) Just kidding, you look beautiful! "
Hmmm. Ok, not likely, but possible! Then what?!
Then we take a break because exhausted from typing so many characters just to say the lipstick looks nice.
I'd just like to comment that i have zero filter. Hence my post count.
Sometimes things rub me the wrong way and I speak up. Sometimes they don't. Regardless, it's fair to say I'm no good at sitting on my hands =]
@IlikePink, are you telling me you're tricking us with those peonies?! Evil!
VM@ Hahahaha..
You know how they have a "Snarky Bride" board over on the knot? Did that ever seem redundant to other people?
See the peonies and watch your back because you are about to get some serious pinkin'.
Oh wow, I am in a goofy mood.
Maybe I need a new icon.
I definitely bite my tongue on some topics. Sometimes I have "snarky" comments that I COULD write, but I really try not to. Generally, I comment by the rule "if I don't have anything nice to say, I don't say anything at all." Seriously, this is an online community. I don't need to be starting online fights over something that someone else finds "snarky". That's too much drama for me. It's really not that big of a deal to me. I don't think WB is really reflective of "real life"... if I have an honest opinion that is contrary to "popular belief", you won't be hearing it from me.
I know that i come off as sarcastic, more than probably bitchy, but its how i am. and it sucks that things don't come through that well with computers.... i do not sugar coat things, i am overly opinionated, but i can't be anyone but me. now on the flip side of that, i'm not going to say something outright rude. today i actually had to reread something, because i didn't wanna piss off pregos.....
but overall i'm not saying hey f you, your insane, but i don't always come off as super nice. also, i don't know any of you personally, probably none of this will come back to anyone i talk about, but even if it did, if you have a problem with someone, you should tell them about it, and i confront people when they piss me off or they just aren't right (ok, maybe not so much the mil, but shes an official MONSTER IN LAW!!! so i don't really give a rats ass to be honest) lol. so i feel totally fine about posting whatever.
Fruit bouquet love!
Am I the only one who thinks that whether someone meant to be mean or offensive is completely irrelevant to whether it is mean or offensive? I just don't see that those are related.
I think intention is relevant to whether or not the poster is a bad person and how harsh posts critiquing her post should be but it doesn't affect whether the phrase/point is hurtful. I've never liked the "no offense" or "not trying to be mean" disclaimers, I don't think they serve any purpose.
I've only ever ascribed meaness to someone on weddingbee once (in your thread VirginiaMarie when those total outsider guys came into weddingbee re guns) and my response to them is the only post of mine to ever be censored. Oops. I don't react well to deliberate meaness.
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