Wow, that is quite rude of this guy to write. He sounds very immature to me. He is not a lion, he is your friend and should have some consideration!!
I would just write him back "I realize now that it was a mistake to send that email. I am asking you for this favor anyways, please drop it. I am a frazzled ball of nerves getting ready for this wedding without worrying about WWII erupting between people I love over politics."
Do you have a dad? Consider having him make an announcement that anyone caught talking about politics, business or religion at his little girl's wedding is going to be taken out and summarily horse-whipped!
This went back and fourth a few more times today. DF and MOH/sister, and DF and FI's uncle. In one closing DF wrote, "Can't wait for this wonderful wedding Shasha! Should be a joy!"
My sister essentially asked him to grow up and be more open minded. She basically said good bye after that. Uncle said good bye. DF called me and I yelled at him. Seriously.
He sort of chuckled and asked, "so who are these people? is this blood?" I hesitated and said yeah, well maybe. At least he respected the fact that I was NOT about to reveal anyones identity. He said he was sorry but that I should know better.
I said that I obviously underestimated his decorum and called him out on some of the stuff he said and he was a little embarassed and was like, "all right, all right." I think he's done. I did afterall threaten bodily harm.
FI has kept his cool thru all this only saying to me, "doesn't he realize it's family he's been talking to?" Again, I think it's done.
Unfortunately though since this, uncle replied in a "dude, relax/lighten up" kind of way. And then there's the email DF sent my sister early this morning that she still hasn't seen.
The ball is in DF court. Hopefully he'll just bite it....fingers?? hehe
In case I didn't mention it, Dear Friend is a groomsman but is my friend of several years. He's only met FI only a couple times but our bridal party is a hodge-podge of my guy friend and his female friend.
Anyway ladies, you guys rock! Thanks for the support and let 's keep our fingers crossed that this is truly the end.
I don't think at a wedding your guests will get our of hand, they are there to celebrate your day!
That being said, I would just seat people with like minded people. If someone wants to talk about it let them, if you notice the conversation is getting heated I would point out: so and so is our president and we are stuck :) I think a good diffuser is our next president will most likely be able to pronounce most words better than bush :) Plus, at my wedding I didn't notice anything bad that happened. My sister called my fiance's Aunt a terrible name and they were in a yelling match- I never even knew and I was across the room. People are congratulating you and being supportive, your wedding day will be a blur. :)
I think adults (especially the kind who are passionate about politics) would feel slighted by a quarter jar. They are your guests and good or bad.. they should be allowed to do what they want (within reason). Using a restriction is for children.
Maureen, I think your idea to seat like minded people together is brilliant! But I dont think its realistic to say that EVERYONE would behave just b/c its a wedding. I saw an actual fisticuffs at the Regent Beverly Wilshire and it was a wedding of about 300.
This all seems crazy to me. I'm not sure I have ever seen people react like this to an election. Sure, I"ve seen passion but people I've never even seen angry at anything before are just about coming to blows. Although I like the jar idea, I am worried it will just fuel the fire by starting the conversation. God help our country if people don't start putting aside their differences about this election.
I'm all for sitting like minded people together but the jar?? Not so much. It's rude and pretty tacky.
@Jeeyol - granted this year it does seem to be hotter than ever but don't we go thru this every four years to some degree? I just NEVER thought about the wedding around election thing.
Heck! Had I paid attention I would have set the date for another 3 months out so I could have enjoyed the Olympics AND missed the election debacle.
I'm all for a light-hearted announcement, and sitting like-minded people together, but beyond that, I wouldn't worry. People of different polictial persuasions manage to be civil to one another all the time in formal situations, and should definitely be expected to keep things cool at at a wedding.
One thing I learned in my wedding planning process was not to worry *too* much about how my guests were going to experience the reception. I could only throw a party which I and my husband thought was fun for us and our loved ones. I couldn't control how everyone else would experience it.
If you know that you have complete obnoxious friends or relatives who are likely to get into some kind of heated discussion, it's probably a good idea to have a little talk with them up front about how you would appreciate it if they could leave their political view at home for the night. Most people, I'm sure, can be trusted to behave themselves.
However, if you're going to bring up the subject yourself - by making a donation, sending political emails, or whatever, you should expect that people will feel like it's okay to express their opinions. Even if those opinions differ significantly from yours. And you can expect that it might get contentious. We have several friends who are passionate Republicans or Democrats, and can't seem to have a discussion of politics without getting very emphatic. And then they are somewhat upset if people get emphatic in disagreeing with them! That always surprises me. DH and I are generally happy to have a quiet and reasonable discussion about politics or religeon - I am always interested to hear what people think and why - but we are both offended when anyone goes overboard on either side of the argument. I personally would think it would be quite inappropriate to bring politics into a wedding reception by making donations to either (or both) political parties in the name of your guests, and I would be pretty turned off if I was a guest, but obviously that's your decision. And if I ended up at a reception that seemed to be some kind of campaign function, or where too much politics was discussed, I'd probably just leave quite early.
Wow, that is quite rude of this guy to write. He sounds very immature to me. He is not a lion, he is your friend and should have some consideration!!
I would just write him back "I realize now that it was a mistake to send that email. I am asking you for this favor anyways, please drop it. I am a frazzled ball of nerves getting ready for this wedding without worrying about WWII erupting between people I love over politics."
posted by Janna19 Helper bee: 428 posts 3 months agoShasha,
Do you have a dad? Consider having him make an announcement that anyone caught talking about politics, business or religion at his little girl's wedding is going to be taken out and summarily horse-whipped!
posted by Hyacinth Newbee: 33 posts 3 months agoYou guys are THE BEST!
This went back and fourth a few more times today. DF and MOH/sister, and DF and FI's uncle. In one closing DF wrote, "Can't wait for this wonderful wedding Shasha! Should be a joy!"
My sister essentially asked him to grow up and be more open minded. She basically said good bye after that. Uncle said good bye. DF called me and I yelled at him. Seriously.
He sort of chuckled and asked, "so who are these people? is this blood?" I hesitated and said yeah, well maybe. At least he respected the fact that I was NOT about to reveal anyones identity. He said he was sorry but that I should know better.
I said that I obviously underestimated his decorum and called him out on some of the stuff he said and he was a little embarassed and was like, "all right, all right." I think he's done. I did afterall threaten bodily harm.
FI has kept his cool thru all this only saying to me, "doesn't he realize it's family he's been talking to?" Again, I think it's done.
Unfortunately though since this, uncle replied in a "dude, relax/lighten up" kind of way. And then there's the email DF sent my sister early this morning that she still hasn't seen.
The ball is in DF court. Hopefully he'll just bite it....fingers?? hehe
In case I didn't mention it, Dear Friend is a groomsman but is my friend of several years. He's only met FI only a couple times but our bridal party is a hodge-podge of my guy friend and his female friend.
Anyway ladies, you guys rock! Thanks for the support and let 's keep our fingers crossed that this is truly the end.
posted by Shasha Newbee: 9 posts 3 months agoI don't think at a wedding your guests will get our of hand, they are there to celebrate your day!
That being said, I would just seat people with like minded people. If someone wants to talk about it let them, if you notice the conversation is getting heated I would point out: so and so is our president and we are stuck :) I think a good diffuser is our next president will most likely be able to pronounce most words better than bush :) Plus, at my wedding I didn't notice anything bad that happened. My sister called my fiance's Aunt a terrible name and they were in a yelling match- I never even knew and I was across the room. People are congratulating you and being supportive, your wedding day will be a blur. :)
I think adults (especially the kind who are passionate about politics) would feel slighted by a quarter jar. They are your guests and good or bad.. they should be allowed to do what they want (within reason). Using a restriction is for children.
posted by maureen9004 Helper bee: 285 posts 3 months agoMaureen, I think your idea to seat like minded people together is brilliant! But I dont think its realistic to say that EVERYONE would behave just b/c its a wedding. I saw an actual fisticuffs at the Regent Beverly Wilshire and it was a wedding of about 300.
posted by Hyacinth Newbee: 33 posts 3 months agoThis all seems crazy to me. I'm not sure I have ever seen people react like this to an election. Sure, I"ve seen passion but people I've never even seen angry at anything before are just about coming to blows. Although I like the jar idea, I am worried it will just fuel the fire by starting the conversation. God help our country if people don't start putting aside their differences about this election.
posted by jeeyol Worker bee: 115 posts 3 months agoI'm all for sitting like minded people together but the jar?? Not so much. It's rude and pretty tacky.
@Jeeyol - granted this year it does seem to be hotter than ever but don't we go thru this every four years to some degree? I just NEVER thought about the wedding around election thing.
Heck! Had I paid attention I would have set the date for another 3 months out so I could have enjoyed the Olympics AND missed the election debacle.
posted by Shasha Newbee: 9 posts 3 months agoI'm all for a light-hearted announcement, and sitting like-minded people together, but beyond that, I wouldn't worry. People of different polictial persuasions manage to be civil to one another all the time in formal situations, and should definitely be expected to keep things cool at at a wedding.
One thing I learned in my wedding planning process was not to worry *too* much about how my guests were going to experience the reception. I could only throw a party which I and my husband thought was fun for us and our loved ones. I couldn't control how everyone else would experience it.
posted by Maude Helper bee: 237 posts 3 months agoIf you know that you have complete obnoxious friends or relatives who are likely to get into some kind of heated discussion, it's probably a good idea to have a little talk with them up front about how you would appreciate it if they could leave their political view at home for the night. Most people, I'm sure, can be trusted to behave themselves.
However, if you're going to bring up the subject yourself - by making a donation, sending political emails, or whatever, you should expect that people will feel like it's okay to express their opinions. Even if those opinions differ significantly from yours. And you can expect that it might get contentious. We have several friends who are passionate Republicans or Democrats, and can't seem to have a discussion of politics without getting very emphatic. And then they are somewhat upset if people get emphatic in disagreeing with them! That always surprises me. DH and I are generally happy to have a quiet and reasonable discussion about politics or religeon - I am always interested to hear what people think and why - but we are both offended when anyone goes overboard on either side of the argument. I personally would think it would be quite inappropriate to bring politics into a wedding reception by making donations to either (or both) political parties in the name of your guests, and I would be pretty turned off if I was a guest, but obviously that's your decision. And if I ended up at a reception that seemed to be some kind of campaign function, or where too much politics was discussed, I'd probably just leave quite early.
posted by suzanno Bumble bee: 2,425 posts 3 months ago