Post # 1
So ladies I am looking for advice:
My amazing partner and I have decided to get married, but we can’t decide what the wedding should look like. Thankfully our visions are not that far apart, so looking for your advice:
1. He wants to elope somewhere romantic just the two of us (he is all about the romance). We would have a diner to celebrate with our parents when we return. I love this idea, it is so sweet, but….
2. I have suggested we get married in our own home, with just our parents – we have no siblings – and maybe 2 closest friends present, and go out for a fab meal afterwards and then do the romantic honeymoon.
So I am really torn. Some other context bits and peices – we will be 40 year old when we marry, we have been together since our teens (really!), so everyone thinks of us as married already, and while we might not have the peice of paper in our hearts we are married – for us this would be a celebration of how far we have come together as much as it would be about commiting to going forward together. Our parents are totally awesome and have never once bugged us to get married (they know we are both independent minded and do things our own way).
Post # 2
If you really are torn, I’d take your parents feelings into account. Will they be ok without being there to see you get married? I know my mom would NOT have been ok with that 🙂 and I wouldn’t have been ok with her not being present at such a major event. So think of it from that perspective.
Post # 3
Get married at your house and treat your parents and BFFs to a big fancy meal! I think that sounds really fun and then you can have your honeymoon. It won’t be any less romantic, and you’ll get to have a few snapshots if the day with your folks to look back on. Your parents sound awesome!
Post # 4
My DH and I thought about eloping (neither of us wanted a big wedding). But we are too close with our families and my Mom would have been very upset (they would have been fine, but I know she’d have been disappointed) So we decided that we had to invite our parents, which meant inviting our sisters too.
Well then DH had to invite his best friends (I put my foot down after 3) and so I invited my bff. But we decided that we wouldn’t invite their SOs because we didn’t think that would be fair to our other friends that we didn’t invite (no one has ever said anything, but I strongly believe that my DH’s friend’s wives hold this against me… the boys on the other hand loved having a holiday without their wives).
Everything turned out fine and it was very “us”. So I would strongly recommend inviting your family. I will caution against the friends though because once you open up that option it becomes really hard to stop!
Post # 5
Thanks Ladies. This is great advice. Love the idea of asking the parents their preference, but I imagine they would all say “Do what makes you happy”, no doubt. But, I think there would be a part of them that would be disappointed, and they are such supportive parents through all of lifes ups and downs, never demanding, never judgemental, that I think it would be nice to honour them. My partner has said that he will happily do what I want, but of course it is hard to say no to his romantic vision, and I would hate for him to feel disappointed. We will have to talk more. Thanks again!
Post # 6
anthrogrl: I wasn’t going to exactly elope, but I was just going to go to the courthouse. But then I got to thinking about getting married in a cute place, not just a sterile judge’s chambers. So then that morphed into getting married in the private dining room of this really nice restaurant and having about 10 people so we can have dinner right after. I’m hoping that’s the direction we go. I think it’ll be nice, still very very small, but still have a bit of special to it. You know? I’m 40+. WooT!
Post # 7
I would definitely go with your FI’s suggestion. After so many years together, you deserve a nice trip just you and him. Once back home, go to a restaurant with parents and best friends and any one else you would like to celebrate with. Imagine how much fun it will be to let everyone know what a beautiful trip you and your FI had together and show them pictures of your wedding.
When FI and I first decided to get married, he wanted something real small,i.e. just us and maybe two other friends. We also talked about going away just the two of us. I didn’t really want that but I didn’t want a super big wedding either. We finally decided that we will be inviting about 50 people to our wedding. But with all the stress this wedding planning has caused me and when I think about all the money we are spending just for one day, I must admit that I truly regret not going with my Fi’s suggestion.
Post # 8
Both options sound lovely but a word of advice from someone who wanted to elope, then was convinced about having a small wedding (as in 12 people) and then got roped into doing a bigger one (85 :() i would think more carefully about the second option – esp. the 2 closest friends part. Are there any more friends? will there be any friends that would be upset about not being invited? Whatever option you choose, remember – it’s you and you’re future husband’s day – stick to the vision and good luck 😀
Post # 9
anthrogrl: It really depends on what you both really want. I would not want to get married alone. We had decided on a courthouse wedding and then even that seemed so not-wedding like (in my mind, not knocking it for anyone who’s done/doing it) so we reconsidered and now we’re getting married in our livingroom. Just a few decorations, a small cake, I’m making dinner (carne asada and macaroni salad) and we’re having a small party afterward where not everyone will fit at my diningroom table and I’ll probably be using paper plates. I can give up a lot of things (because I hate wasting money), but I just couldn’t get the wedding vibe without these few things.
My mother OTOH had an immediate family only wedding in her house and then we all went out for dinner at the Olive Garden. No decor, no cake, no alcohol. They were fine with that and it was their wedding, so they should get what they want.
Post # 10
anthrogrl: first of all congrats and so awesome your parents get you!
We are having small wedding. We thought about eloping, but he’s the youngest and last boy to get married in his family and I know his mom would be hurt, so we will do a small ceremony. I was torn until I started thinking about how much fun a simple small wedding can be. I didn’t want any wedding-regret. Our guest list is 36 people, just a the nearest and dearest. I’m 32 and FI is 35.
You could do a little back yard ceremony, but I suggest branching out from just parents. It doesn’t have to be big and you don’t have to wear white, but you will feel so happy that having people there to celebrate with you will feel awesome!
Ultimately I know some people will be put out for not being invited (we both have huge families), but we are staying firm on our vision. Having our closets friends and family there to celebrate with us will feel so good!
Post # 11
Thank you for the awesome ideas. I, too, am in a wedding size quandry.
FI and I are both 40+ and have been previously married.
FI’s had a huge elaborate wedding with his first wife.
I, OTOH, had 6 people at my first wedding (my mother was there ).
Between the two of us we have three children (16, 14, and 8).
FI lives in MO. His child lives in TN. I live in PA…ugh, the sheer madness! The wedding is tentatively set for 2015.
We agreed on a small wedding, and both liked the idea of a destination wedding. But the more I look into weddings and the cost…oh, my aching head!
I am torn…small weddings still cost more than what I want to spend and my family causes me extreme stress. I would rather get married in a really small ceremony, yes, again,and then take an AMAZING honeymoon.
Thoughts on how to involve three children, we are currently in three different states (FI, his son, and me and my duo), in the smallest ceremony possible???