- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
Why don’t you just do the big wedding in a year and then ttc immediately? Its kind of the same thing in my mind…do you live together?
I’m sorry, I think that’s a really bad idea. If you want a big wedding, but would rather have children right away, then just have kiddos and get married afterwards. Lying to your friends and family is pretty mean, and what does that secret marriage prove to anyone, ya know?
FTR, Fiance and I have 3 children and have been together for over 6 years and we’re FINALLY getting married. By waiting until now, I am able to get a wedding that makes me happy. GL! 🙂
Thanks so much for your advice but we both do not want to have children without being married, that is not an option.
I still don’t see the point of eloping now and not telling anyone. Are you planning to get pregnant before the big wedding? (lying to the guests about not already being married is something I strongly disagree with) Because if people don’t already know you’re married, it’s going to look like you got knocked up anyway. Then when you announce that you were already legally married, your big wedding becomes a big sham.
@strawbabies: That’s what I was thinking.
If you don’t want to have children until after marriage for religious reasons, that’s fine. But lying to your family and friends about your marriage status will make it look like children out of wedlock anyway.It may not be others that you are trying to please by being married before children, but I personally would be really upset if I went to a wedding to find out that the couple had been secretly married for a year or more anyway.
Why don’t you just have a simple wedding and call it a day? Daytime ceremony, light food and desserts, punch, and then focus on your lives together? Or have a JOP ceremony, have children, and then have a vow renewal at a milestone anniversary (even 5 years would be acceptable for a VR.)
@Lisa80913: Why don’t you elope and have a vow renewal that’s the big thing? I understand that finances won’t allow for the big thing soon, but kids are just going to make finances harder; if people know you had a small ceremony and plan to have a big vow renewal and reception in a year, you can get the best of both worlds.
People won’t be as excited for the vow renewal probably, but it’s far more honest than a secret elopement. My Future Sister-In-Law is getting married legally in March, having a “vow renewal” abroad in June, and then having an at-home reception in September; there’s going to be a 6 month gap between getting legally married and having the big reception that most people will go to. Does something like that work for you?
@DeadUtopia: For me this is just about being able to enjoy being married for a while without stressing about rushing into having children right away. This is not about anyone else. I know my family and friends and they would not be upset about the elopement. I could even tell them no big deal. I would start TTC after the wedding. I wanted to be married for at least a year before having kids but I do not want to have kids pass 35 yrs.
I’m wondering why you have to wait a year after the wedding to have kids. Especially since you live together. Any particular reason?
Im also confused about your timeline. If you’re trying to guarantee two kids before 35, you better get on it. You have no idea how long it will take to get pregnant. Let’s say you got married tomorrow, you’re 32. If you waited a year you’ll be 33. Assuming you got pregnant on month 13, you will have just turned 34 I think. You would have to immediately get pregnant again to birth the second by 35. I thought you wanted space between them? Am I way off on my calculations? And if you don’t want to get pregnant before marriage, but keep your marriage a secret, then essentially you’ve done just that in the eyes of your family. I guess I just don’t understand… Maybe we can be more insightful if you give your reasoning behind the timeline?
@HappierKate: I did not think about a vow renewal, I will look more into this. I really do not care about telling my family and friends about the elopement and I had many of friends that have done this because they did not believe in moving in before marriage so the just elope and had their wedding a year later. No one felt a certain type of way when we found out. We just understood the situation. Thanks
I understand not wanting to try until after you’re married, I’m the same way. If you want to elope, there’s nothing wrong with it…but you can’t / shouldn’t lie about it. Those things will get out and feelings will be hurt. I would elope, and then have the big ‘wedding’ as an anniversary party or celebration. Plenty of people have the reception on a different day than the actual marriage, and it’s fine. My 2 best friends did this, in fact. They eloped, and had an anniversary party the following year. She wore her wedding dress, they showed a video and slideshow of their small ceremony and it was fabulous!
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