(Closed) Elopement vs. Traditional Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i say elope.  from the sounds of it – it doesn’t seem like you’d be upset getting married without them there. and thats why most people have reservations about elopment. 

or, if there are certain people you really can’t see not being there then do a small destination wedding.  If its a far enough distance, i don’t think you dad could crash the wedding even if he wanted to without violating parole? 

Post # 5
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Wow that is a rough situation on all sides!  I would say elope and send them wedding announcements.  If you tell everyone beforehand, they will only pester you and bring you down with their negativity and demands.  Enjoy being engaged and enjoy your wedding.  It’s a day for you and your FI and these people will either spoil it or be upset by seeing someone there.

Post # 6
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’m surprised you haven’t told your family. Both my FI and I come from broken homes and with the exception of my father (who is estranged, and I wouldn’t know where to look to find him, even if I wanted too) all parents know of our engagement.

I’d say, this is your wedding and to go ahead with planning to have the dream event the two of you want.

We are having both mothers in attendence. That required my FI sitting down, man to man, with his father, whom he’s semi-close with, and telling him the honest truth. That while we were getting married, due to his past treatment of FI’s mother during and after their divorce we did not feel comfortable having them in the same room. Although my FFIL was hurt by this, he understood and has wished us the best moving forward.

As for your mother, I would sit her down and tell her about the engagement. I would then follow it up matter of factly with your expectations. Let her know that under NO circumstances is your father invited and that if need be you will hire security to ensure he is not present. Also let her know any ramifications you may have if it comes to light that she’s making attempts to smuggle him in. For instance, if I find out you’ve invited him you yourself will have forfited your right to attend. This is your day and although he’s your father, you do NOT want the emotional trauma of having him present. Any mother, regardless of how noodle-headed she is, should be able to comprehend this request.

Post # 7
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

elope + wedding annoucements afterwards. way too much drama to have to deal with! 

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

elope so i can live viacariously through you! the planning has me seriously considering eloping but FI won’t have it..

If its going to cause you more stress to plan and worry about whats going to happen, elope and have everything be exactly the way you want it!

Post # 9
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

ELOPE. Go somewhere new together, wear something that makes you feel beautiful, have a wonderful dinner, and take lots of pictures!

Post # 10
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I’m in a semi-seimular situation. i am making it very clear as to who is invited and not extending info to the others. if they on’t like that certain people are not invited, then they don’t come. no negotiations. If they can’t support that then they don’t get to come.

For venues I am likely looking at hotels or other establishments that have some degree of security so that those who are not welcomed can be removed. I know that’s it not a great sounding solution, but I would rather have a five minute scene from someone being removed if I need to than to have a horrible event overall.

Because of my family situation I always said that I didn’t want a weding. However when I really though about it. I realized that I wanted a wedding, I just didn’t want my family there. i didn’t cause their unhappiness, they caused mine. I’m not sacrificing my happiness anymore for them.  

 

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