Post # 1
My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months, and together for almost two years. We are head over heels about each other. 🙂 We wanted to simple wedding..just family. Everything was planned for February, but through out the entire wedding process I was told I was selfish for not having bridesmaids, for not inviting all my friends, for not spending my wedding night in a fancy hotel, for not knowing how my mom was getting to the ceremony, and for having our wedding on a weekday. We are not even able to go on a honeymoon until next year because I am in school year round. There were a lot more things that happened, and I have been crying ever since my fiancee and I told my parents what we desired for a wedding. We ended up postponing our wedding. My mom has now said that this next go around we are going to do everything right…all of the formal traditions, and that I have to give her 3 months to plan the next wedding. At this point, my fiancee and I just want to be together. We had talked about eloping before all of this because we are both in the background kind of people and do not like being in front of people. However, we knew that our families would want to be there to share this with us. We tried it, and now we really want to elope. I told my family that we wanted to elope and they said we were selfish to even consider it, and that they have lost respect for my fiancee and I. We do not know what to do. We want to be together as soon as possible! Is it selfish to elope and then have a big party after?
Post # 3
Yes, it is selfish, BUT THAT’S OKAY! It sounds like your mom has major control issues and just wants to plan the wedding the way she wants. I know I’d either be eloping pronto (and she can help plan the party or throw you a party of her own after) or be putting your foot down hard core about what you and your Fiance want. Yes, weddings are about families too, but you don’t want to be looking back and regretting the way everything went and resenting your mother for her involvement.
Post # 4
No. No. No. YOU ARE NOT SELFISH FOR WANTING TO ELOPE!!!
The people who are expecting you to have a wedding you do not want are the selfish ones!!! Definition of selfish:”devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests…regardless of others.” That is exactly what people are doing when they push you towards something you do not desire-it’s what they want. A wedding is not about traditions and bridemais and this and that. No amount of traditional wedding things is going to make it better if it’s not what you want. A wedding is about TWO people coming together and joining their lives. You get to make the choice on how to make that happen.
Here’s a thread about why some of us chose to elope.
Post # 5
I don’t think its selfish for wanting to elope!!! Do iit if it’s what you really want!!!!
Post # 6
DO IT!!!!!!! I’m so jealous since I wanted to do that. I think people tend to forget that a wedding is about the bride and groom and everything else is at their discretion.
Post # 7
@sallyq5: Thanks for the input everyone. We think we are doing it in the next couple of weeks! 🙂 Just not sure whether to talk to the parents before or after. His family is all for it, my family will be hurt.
Post # 8
@sallyq5: Wait till afterwards; even if you’d have the support of his family, you’ll ruffle more feathers if one set of parents knew first.
Post # 9
I am eloping as well just having our parents witness our ceremony and was told I was being selfish by a couple of cousins and aunts. It is totally NOT selfish. It is YOUR marriage and YOUR wedding. I personally didn’t want to pick up the tab for people to party, get fed, and get drunk on my dime! I just dont believe in wasting 50K on one day where i could spend that on a down payment on a house! My parents would not be able to contribute much so me and my fiancé would pick up the tab. As long as the most important people in our lives are there, that’s all we care about. You should do whatever you want. People who truly love you will be happy for you and congratulate you on your new chapter. Congratulations! I think you should do it, I truly think that is what you want to do. People will eventually get over it.