(Closed) Eloping and my abusive father.

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

No, you’re not a bad person.  Go ahead and elope.  You want your wedding day to be joyous, and it won’t be with your family there.

Post # 4
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Elope! You’ll be much happier in the end 🙂

Post # 5
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Am I a bad person?

Hell no!!!  If anything, your fathers’ attempt to manipulate you confirms you’re doing the right thing by eloping.

Post # 6
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

NO you’re not bad! Remember that the wedding is about you and your FI first and foremost. The last thing you want is to be worried or uncomfortable or upset on what will be one of the happiest days of your life. Elope and, if you want to, work on your relationship with your family and FI’s family some other time.

Post # 7
Member
1677 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You are not a bad person at all. Do what you and your SO want for your day. You don’t owe it to them to allow them to participate. My family dynamic is not good either, and I’ve realized you have to just accept the fact that they are what they are at some point and not allow it to bring you down. I know it’s easier said than done, but standing up for what you want when it comes to important life decisions is an important part of it. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

No you’re not a bad person, you have a sucky dad! 

If you want to elope to make it truly about you and your FI and leave the drama at home, then go for it!

Post # 9
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’re definitely not a bad person! It’s completely understandable why you would want to elope. Your wedding and marriage is about celebrating you and your FI. It doesn’t sound like your family could put aside their own negativity to celebrate you and your FI. There’s is nothing to feel guilty about if you don’t want negativity around you on your wedding day. If your relationship with your parents improve later down the road, you could maybe have a vow renewal and invite the family then.

Post # 10
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’re not a bad person. I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time. You talked about needing to set firm boundaries – I think this is going to have to be one of them. Easier said than done I realise. But remember you’re not alone in this, you have your wonderful fiance and you and he are going to build an amazing life together. Just keep that in mind and let it help you be strong.

Post # 11
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh HELL NO. Hell no you are not a bad person. Hell no you don’t want that awful drama on your wedding day. 

HELL YES COME TO NEW YORK TO ELOPE!  

Post # 12
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No. You are not a bad person. I have a “father”  whom I refer to as an abusive, alcoholic, sperm donor who was financially generous. My FI and I are eloping for the same reasons as you. Be healthy and happy, do what is right for you.

Post # 13
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You’re a strong person. Bad person? No, but incredibly strong. I only wish I had the strength you do for my wedding day. It’s y’alls day, not your fathers, he has NO rights to your wedding day, he ruined his rights long ago.

Post # 15
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Titania26: I also have a difficult relationship with my father. Although he’s never apologized for past behavior, I’ve noticed that he has genuinely been trying to make positive changes. If you want an idea of how he used to be…he’s been an alcoholic my entire life, emotionally abusive, he raised my brother and I and worked worked worked to take care of us (which I appreciate, but it was very hard with him never being there emotionally or physically). When I was growing up, we rarely hugged or kissed or even said “I love you” (he’s not an affectionate person at all).

Things have changed for the better since I’ve been living out of state for the last few years, and we finally seem to be patching things up. He’s started been more caring/affectionate and finally (after several unsuccessful stints in rehab, AA, the works) kicked the drinking habit. That said, my fiance and I are definitely eloping…mainly because I really get uncomfortable when people make a fuss of me, and I think the stress of planning a wedding is just silly. Since we’re a trans-Atlantic couple and are going to be spending a lot of money for relevant visas and visa applications to allow me to move to the UK to be with him, I just can’t justify paying loads of money to see people that I hardly see or speak to.

At the end of the day, it’s YOUR special day and don’t let ANYONE tell you that you’re wrong in what YOU want to do (of course, that’s easier said than done when it comes to parents). Feel free to message me if you need to talk or anything like that. Chin up!

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