Post # 1
Alright, I try to keep this simple. My FI and I eloped in the middle of our engagement for a few reasons:
– we really wanted to be married but couldn’t afford to have our wedding for 2 years,
– we have lived together for several years but at the college we transferred to we would not be allowed to live together unless we were married and this was just not optional for us.. we are like a married couple already- i literally could not fall asleep if he were not within like 5 feet of me. Housing options off campus are 2 or 3 times as much depending where you look and was not even an option in a million years.
– he was having serious health issues and had no insurance.
There are some other things but these were the bigs ones.
So we went to the courthouse (in jeans and tshirts haha) and got married by the mayor (that is actually pretty cool) in someone’s office who was not at work that day. The “Ceremony” was christian(we are hindu) and obviously not very personal as we did not know him AND the chair that we got married in front of had a wrapped piece of ham in it… don’t ask me, I won’t even begin to try to figure out why there was a piece of ham sitting in a chair in and empty office at the courthouse.
So these are my memories of my wedding day.
We did not tell anyone.
Let me say this: I love weddings! I want to have a huge romantic, personal wedding! But everything i’ve read makes it seem like its wrong of us to have our wedding (even if we were already planning it) if we’ve eloped as if there is something particular about signing your paper the same day you get married that justifies all the other stuff.
What are your thoughts? Is it wrong to have our wedding a year later?
Post # 3
It’s not wrong as long as you aren’t deceptive. I just have a personal problems with lies and deceit. Having a wedding and pretending like you aren’t already married just bothers me.
But having a reception and/or a vow renewal after eloping? No problem there as long as you are honest with your guests.
If I were in your shoes, I’d send out elopement announcements, and include something about how the recipient will be invited to a celebration on whatever date later on.
But that’s me.
Post # 4
My Christian aunt married a Hindu, and they had 2 wedding ceremonies, one for each religion. They had them in fairly quick succession, though, like the same day or week. So if you want to have a Hindu wedding, that makes sense to me and probably will to your family. What I, personally, don’t like is when couples sensibly have the wedding they can afford (like your elopment), and then have another, opulent wedding a couple of years later when they are richer. It seems like wanting it both ways; the practical, economical wedding, and the crazy expensive, showy wedding. It seems to me like, if you graduated college but only your aunt could come and you just went out to dinner to celebrate, telling everyone else that you still had a couple of credits to go, then wearing your robes at a huge fake graduation party two years later so you could have a big bash.
Post # 5
I agree that you shouldn’t pretend you’re not married and have a ceremony when you really are. I could see a vow renewal/reception more like a party than a wedding. I personally wouldn’t go to a wedding ceremony for someone whose already married bc I don’t see the point. But a vow renewal celebration would make more sense, without all the “wedding” traditions
Post # 6
@MrsN14: What kind of wedding traditions?
Do you think that you wouldn’t want to go to a vow renewal then if you wouldn’t want to go to a wedding for people that are already married?
What would be the differentiating factors between a vow renewal/reception and a wedding?
@HBanan: We had already been planning our wedding, so it wasn’t that we were trying to do a modest or economical thing, it was sort of a feeling of necessity so we could still live together and everything.
We still would really like to have a wedding and since we had already put a deposit on our venue and everything I don’t really see it as like a .. deciding not to thing, you know. What can we do?
Post # 7
Maybe I should add that for spiritual reasons, it is really important to both of us to have the wedding ceremony that we require religiously. It is kind of like.. being baptised to a catholic, if that makes sense. We can act like we’re married and we will be legally but unless we have our spiritual ceremony, like being baptised, it doesn’t really “count” if that makes sense. That is why I still think of it as a wedding and not a vow renewal since in my eyes we are not really married in a spiritual or religious sense.. does that make sense?
Post # 8
@mcp3x: I see nothing wrong with having a second wedding. Like PP said, just don’t be deceitful. Let others know that you are legally married but are saving up to have the wedding of your dreams. With the cost of weddings, I feel like people should understand.
Post # 9
@mcp3x: I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a second ceremony as long as you are honest with your guests that you are already married. I am sure the people that you and your husband are closest to would understand behind the reasoning for the elopement. And if it is important spiritually for you two to be married in a religious ceremony that is line with your religious background, I would say go for it. You should do a ceremony and a reception that you didn’t have with your elopement according to what is most important and valued between you and your husband. 🙂 good luck.
Post # 10
@mcp3x: In that case, just go ahead as planned.
Post # 11
@mcp3x: It was the same for me. I got legally married 2 months before my wedding, but we didn’t consider ourselves to be married until the actual wedding, which was much more important to us. We didn’t tell anyone when we got legally married because what mattered to us was the spiritual marriage, and declaring our vows in front of our family and friends. We didn’t even have vows at our legal ceremony (which was just signing a paper) so we couldn’t have a vow renewal.
Some people consider the legal ceremony to be what defines being married, some people consider the spiritual ceremony to be it. If the legal ceremony doesn’t mean anything to you, I don’t think you should have to tell people about it.