Post # 1
My fiance and I are planning to have our wedding reception in May next year, and are going to invite about 150-170 people.
However, we are thinking of eloping a few months beforehand – Dec/Jan – so we can keep it low-key and intimate (just us and 2-3 more people). We can’t have our wedding reception in Dec/Jan because I’m from Canada and its just way too bloody cold. And we kind of don’t want to wait till May next year to get legally married lol.
SO, I was thinking.. what are we going to even do at the reception? Just get together, cocktails, dinner, dancing, thats it? We are not doing the vows that day, and since we would already be technically be married a few months already, it might be funny to do speeches and bouquet tosses.. Same would go for first dance, etc?
Post # 3
@sabz3003: Wouldn’t be strange at all! My best friend did a similar thing. Had a private ceremony and large reception. Did the first dance, cake cutting, speeches, etc. She was glad she still got to experience some tradition as well. No one though anything of it. Go for it!
Post # 4
As long as you make it clear that it is a marriage celebration not an actual wedding, your guests will be ok with it! Dinner, drinks, and dancing to celebrate your union sounds like a great idea 🙂
Post # 5
This is exactly what my best friend is doing. She got married early June with just 8 guests (immediate family + me) and she’s having her reception in October.
It’s a little weird to do a “first” dance, since presumably you would have had some opportunity to dance together as a married couple sometime in the months between your wedding and the reception. But everything else- speeches, dinner, dancing… all seems appropriate.
Post # 6
This is exactly what DH and I did. We wanted to get married in December (12-12-12), but our families couldn’t make a wedding in that time frame.
So we went ahead and got married at the courthouse and then had a full blown wedding the following april when our families could get off work/make the trip from out of state/overseas.
Everyone knew we were already married but I still got to wear a big white dress, have bridesmaids, and have a special day.
We said vows but phrased it as a vow-renewal.
Post # 7
Seems gift-grabby to me. You don’t want these people at your wedding but a party later on where they are expected to bring gifts is cool? I wouldn’t do it but many people do.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t call it a reception because you would not be receiving guests who attended your ceremony. It would be more of a wedding celebration.
Post # 9
I dont think anything is wrong with me, Im doing something similar, and no registry for the wedding, not expecting or desiring any gifts…
Just come together to fellow ship, eat drink have cake, and dance the night away
Post # 10
nothing wrong with what you want to do,its not gift grabby or anything.i got married at the court house almost 2 months before we had our wedding.it was just me my husband,my dad and grandpa at the court house.we were in the process of planning our june wedding and some things were already paid for when i got sick and needed surgery,2 of them.i had no health insurance so we got married so i could have my surgerys.i was very upset about it but i deserved to have the wedding i waited 20 years for(thats how long i been with my now husband before we got married)and just because i got married 2 months before didnt mean i should not have had what most girls dream of having.did i tell anyone else besides my dad and grandpa,no,because i didnt want to because i wanted my wedding day(june)to be my special day that i celebrated with all my loved ones were my dad walked me down the aslie to the man i will spend the rest of my life with.
if you want to get married before hand with just you and FI and have a wedding to celebrate months later with all your loved ones,go for it.you are still celebrating becomming/being husband and wife.also no one is required to bring a gift to any wedding so if your guest give you one great,but i do not think its gift grabby at all,your still celebrating a wedding
Post # 11
I dont think its really gift-grabby because its not like they will be coming to my house to give me a gift and leave. Our wedding reception will cost a good amount of money, and I can bet that the amount I will be spending per person for the reception will be a lot more than the gift they will end up giving us. So needless to say, the reception/celebration is not a gift grab 🙂
We just want to have a big party where we can get dressed up, and eat and drink and celebrate with everyone!
Post # 12
this is gift-grabby, either have one wedding with everyone in attendance or have the intimate ceremony and call it a day, if you don’t want everyone at the actual “wedding” then there is no reason to have everyone show up to bring you gifts/party with you/etc, it is very rude, sorry. if you want to have a party later do a vow renewal at 10 years or something (and don’t expect/ask for/register for gifts).
Post # 13
@MrsMittansJohnson: Spending $200 on every guest I am inviting to the party, is gift-grabby how? If a couple is attending the reception, will they bring $400 worth of gifts? I highly doubt it. But will I still invite them if I want to celebrate with them? Of course.
A gift grab is when you end up benefitting more than the guests. This is clearly not the case in this situation. Please do the math.
Not trying to be abrasive – just clarifying 😉
Post # 14
You can have a fun party to celebrate your marriage with great food, drinks, and dancing, but as you will already be married it would be weird to wear a wedding dress, have bridesmaids, do the bouquet toss, first dance, etc.
Post # 15
@sabz3003: then why have the “reception”? Why not make it clear that you don’t want gifts at all? If it were any other type of party (other than a birthday party, which in theory you wouldn’t host for yourself anyway) guests wouldn’t bring a gift at all. It appears to be a gift grab when you phrase it as a “wedding reception” which is an event guests are traditionally expected to bring gifts for when you have already been married for several months. Host a “wedding celebration” and make it clear you don’t expect gifts and you avoid this issue alltogether, otherwise it looks inappropriate and yes, gift-grabby. I’m not trying to upset you I’m just telling you how it looks from a guest-type perspective, these people are invited to a wedding reception for a couple that have already been married for a while and are expected to bring them a gift, most guests will have NO idea that you will have lost money on the celebration, from their perspective it’s a party that you got a bunch of gifts from celebrating an event they weren’t invited to :-/
Post # 16
I got married via justice of the peace in December. My husband and I just got home from our big white wedding. It was a blast, but I’m glad it was over. If that’s how you roll, do it.
@sailor: but as you will already be married it would be weird to wear a wedding dress, have bridesmaids, do the bouquet toss, first dance, etc.
It wasn’t weird for us. Everything was very natural, very smooth, very fun. No one said anything about it being weird or strange. We did a first dance, I wore a wedding dress, I had bridesmaids (He had groomsmen), we didn’t do the bouquet toss/garter toss but we did everything else “As it’s supposed to be” and nothing was strange about it at all. It’s all about your mentality, and everyone is entitled to a beautiful wedding if they want it, regardless of when they actually signed the license. Maybe you’re just not thinking of it in the right light.