(Closed) Eloping brides… First choice or because everyone so spread out?

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We chose to elope because everyone is so spread out and because we didn’t want to spend the money.  Darling Husband and I live about 9 hours from his parents, who are the nearest of anyone we know, and they don’t travel.  My family would have been unable to travel for various reasons.  We were also paying for it all ourselves.

So it was just us, a photographer, one witness and our mayor at city hall.  Then: honeymoon!

Post # 4
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

we’re eloping because we just dont have the money for a big wedding or any family or friends to come. 

Post # 5
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hi there Waitingtoexhale!


I eloped for my first marriage.  VERY uneventful – as in we went back to work the same day.  Family was also scattered then as well.  So when I was to be married a second time, I thought I should go the full wedding route – just because! 

Eloping was something H and I talked about in the very beginning before we knew any family opnions – simply due to the scattered nature of everyone.  We ended up eloping due to apathetic family members who were scattered all over. 

BUT there are so many pros to eloping that we are glad we did not go the full wedding route honestly.  #1 reason being – NO STRESS!

Post # 6
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We eloped.  I moved to this area for my job 11 years ago and he grew up here.  All of my family is at least 500 miles away.  I had no desire, time, or need to plan a wedding.  We drove 2 hours away to a B&B in a beautiful area in VA and got married.  In VA you don’t need witnesses and there is no waiting period after you get your license.  I planned the entire thing in less than a week and only spent about $2000 on dress, flowers, officiant, photographer, etc.  It was wonderful, stress free and I would do it all over again. 

Post # 8
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am and Encore Bride (first wedding circa 1980) and Mr TTR an Encore Groom

So we have both had the Big White Pouffy Family Wedding before.

We knew when we decided to marry, that having another one wasn’t for us… with our kids grown (20s and 30s) and Elderly Parents… and a lifestyle that allows us to enjoy travelling… it just made sense that we’d MAKE THE COMMITMENT somewhere nice when we were “on the road”

Lol, surprisingly… Our Families have balked (as well as our friends)

They’ve all been very supportive of us, and OVER THE MOON since we told them we are engaged and planning to get married.

And they have ALL asked us … almost immediately WHEN, WHERE…

When we tell em, they’ve all come back without a blink saying “OK, I’ll have to get some time off… but I think I can wing it” (Honestly quite a surprise to us)

So we’ve been put into the position time and time again of saying…

“Sorry, but it’ll be just the two of us… we plan to elope… and say our vows alone together on the beach… very low key”

Then there is obvious pouts… sometimes pleading words.

But we’ve stuck to our guns.

Where we have softened tho is the fact that we’ve now agreed to have a Back Home Reception Party afterwards… so that everyone can get together and celebrate with us (Cocktails & Nibbles – Cake & Champagne – DJ & Dancing… and a whole lot of LOVE and FUN too)

I really have no regrets eloping.  Infact I cannnot wait.  It will be nice to just be the two of us and the officiant (Florida is a NO Witness needed state) standing on the beach gazing into each other’s eyes, and saying our vows.  Followed by an incredible honeymoon.

Still tho, I have to say that the Back Home Reception is more work than I initially expected (my fault… as I’ve fallen in LOVE with so many great ideas here on WBee).  But I know in the end it’ll all be worth it.

Hope this helps,

PS… For comparisson sakes… My 1st Wedding, and I’d say that the bulk of the money spent was by my Parents… and that was for The Sit-Down Reception – Transportation – Flowers – my Hair – and My Dress.

My Ex-H and I covered Gifts for our Bridal Party – Wedding Attire / Accessories – Some Flowers & Decor – Photographer & Pictures – DJ – Cocktail Bsr – Wine with Dinner – and our Honeymoon.  As well as our Rings (including my E-Ring)

This time round…

Our greatest expenses are my E-Ring – Wedding Bands – B&G Gifts – and our Honeymoon.  The actual Ceremony and related items (Wedding Attire, Flowers, Photographer / Videographer & Pictures) is relatively small.  The Reception which was by far the biggest expense last time, will come in mid-range this time.

I see it as a different focus… being older, and having been married before… we’ve decided to alot our money differently… this time on things that are more meaningful to the two of us with long-term great memories… Rings & Honeymoon… with our Photographer / Videographer & Pictures rounding out the mix.

— — —

EDIT TO ADD – Eloping has an added benefit as many a Bride has discovered.  A great deal of drama surrounding a Wedding comes from Planning to make everyone in the family comfortable.  When you elope some of that stuff goes away / subsides… certainly surrounding differences in religions etc as one isn’t marrying necessarily in a church / home parish / congregation etc.

And Back Home Receptions are a lot more relaxed… and can be WHATEVER you want them to be (no BIG Rules of Etiquette for this type of party)… so that takes some of the stress / tension out of the mix too.  BIG Reception, or small… Formal or informal… day or night, sit down dinner or just Champagne & Cake.  Full blown Wedding Attire or very casual.  YOU really and truly do get to decide.

Personally I think that Elopements are great… although if a gal hasn’t been a Bride before in a Big White Pouffy Family Wedding… then that is just as valid (just a lot more stress inducing in my experience)


Post # 9
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re having a Destination Wedding 5 hrs drive from our home bc everyone’s spread out..probably once every 3 weeks I wish we were saving the money and eloping. But my groomzilla (jk) wants a fairytale white wedding lol, so I’m making it work because I want him to have his dream, and it is a really great experience to throw a big party…I don’t know when else in life this could happen. Side note, now that there’s Facebook it’s not even like people need to go to an event to see you in your dress getting married!

Post # 10
327 posts
Helper bee

i would prefer that as less stress, no others nagging you, you can have it your own way, and maybe save some money, less drama too. as all of your family are spread over the place, you can treat them to a meal or have a small party ( if there is enough people) next time when you visit them. just post some pic on fb or email the pic to those who you are close to, and that’s it

Post # 11
4954 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Traditional small wedding the first time. Eloped this time. Not because of family spread out (though they are), but because we just wanted to. We didn’t feel the need to have everyone there, so spend a sh*t ton of money, to go through the headache of planning. We loved the idea of “hey, we love each other and just want to get married” thing – so we did! 🙂 It was awesome. Loved the secrecy, mystery, romance of it.

Post # 12
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Waitingtoexhale:  They were fine with it.  They really wanted to be there but understood that I wanted it to be just the 2 of us.  Besides my parents eloped so my mother was very understanding.  Having a photographer there was very beneficial because they got to “see” everything.  🙂

Post # 14
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Maybe if you can plan a mini celebration with your family and his family within a few months of the wedding it might soften things.  🙂  We’ll be spending Christmas with my family and plan on celebrating with them then. 

Post # 15
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We plan on having more of a private wedding than elopement because people already know it’s happening, but we just prefer it to be us two. In an ideal world, I’d probably like to have a wedding with everyone present, but because I know my parents wouldn’t be able to get along, and other family drama, I realize that I would be more upset and stressed out that that day than happy. 

I know I am seriously disappointing my mom, but at the end of the day, it’s my marriage, not my wedding, that is truly important.

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