Eloping – Can I still have a shower?

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mepayne:  If people aren’t invited to the wedding, they shouldn’t be invited to a shower.  If you are eloping you should not have a shower.

Post # 4
7188 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

That’s a no in my opinion. If they’re not invited to the wedding, they shouldn’t be invited to the shower.

Post # 5
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


Post # 6
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014


Post # 7
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@mepayne:  agree with above. shower goes hand in hand with the wedding.



Post # 8
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No. If you’re not inviting them to the party to celebrate with you, it’s rude to invite them to something the sole purpose of which is to get/gifit gifts. 

Post # 9
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Well I think it would be one thing if a friend threw you a surprise shower or something, but traditionally speaking your mother shouldn’t be throwing you a shower anyway. It’s not appropriate for a family member to plan an event that is designed to get you gifts.

If she really wants to do something maybe you could have something that’s similar to a shower but with no gifts, like an afternoon tea or brunch?

Post # 10
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

@mepayne:  I think if you have it afterwards then sure. Your mom wants to do it for you – I would suggest to her that she invite people by phone first, state SHE is throwing a small shower to celebrate your marriage after you get back. If they don’t seem interested she doesn’t send them a formal invite. I’d say your close relatives and friends will want to celebrate whatever your decision on getting married is. Just DO NOT make a registry. 

Post # 11
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Why don’t you have your mom throw you a casual reception when you get back home?  That way your guests can still celebrate with you.

Post # 12
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Not at all.  You can’t have your cake & eat it too!

Post # 14
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

The short answer is NO.

First and foremost, it is never appropriate for the Bride, or her Mother to throw a Shower.  A Shower is meant to be thrown by someone else in the Bride’s honour.

When it comes to Elopements, thing get a bit muddled… because as the other Bees have mentioned “normally” only those invited to the Wedding would end up on the Guest List for a Shower (and that would happen, because someone asked the Bride or her Mother, Sister, MOH for a list so that the right people make the list)

Now if someone decides to throw you a SURPRISE Shower knowing that “your definition” of an Elopement means solely that you and your Fiance are running off to get married, but telling people ahead of time… then all bets are off.

This is certainly what happened to Mr TTR and I.  Our friends threw us a Surprise Couple’s Shower, and it was great.

Now mind you… we already had every intention of having a Back Home Reception Party after our Honeymoon… so we just made sure that everyone there was invited to our Party.

Hope this helps,


Post # 15
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d say no. But a small celebration after you get back would be fine IMO.

Post # 16
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I understand why everyone says no and I can agree with their reasoning, but for any friend of mine I have no problem with them having a shower under these or other circumstances. A lot of my friends shower’s have been given by family members, moms, aunts, etc. I never once felt offended by that at all. A good friend of mine went to Vegas to get married, none of us were invited but she had 3-4 showers! A family one on both sides, a friends one, and a work one if I remember correctly. I had a great time at the one I attended and it was nice to celebrate her getting married. I know it’s not proper etiquette, but I think it depends on the group of people and maybe the region you live in…

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