Eloping. Mom doesnn 't want me to send out wedding announcements

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Do you plan on inviting everyone over to your housewarming?  You could say something like help us celebrate our new union and home.  Have people stop by open house style for a few hours on a sunday or something.  Just have snacks and drinks set out or something.  I don’t think that is gift grabby.  

 

Post # 3
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can understand definitely being excited and wanting to share the news, but maybe your mum is worried that by sending out an announcement after you elope that family/friends may feel left out and hurt by the fact there wasn’t a wedding or they weren’t invited to your elopement. I’m not sure if this is the reason but it’s something that I have heard of.

A good friend of mine travelled overseas and eloped, only telling her parents a few days before they got married. Her mum didn’t want announcements personally sent out because she would have liked for her daughter to have a wedding with family and friends, and it made her feel like family would think they were cheap and nasty for not hosting a wedding for their daughter. Maybe your mum is worried people will get the wrong idea or that people who would have loved to have been there would be offended.

Like I said I’m not sure if that is so but it could be the case, but it isn’t her decision to make.

Post # 5
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

JazzyGirl85:  That is so sad 🙁 I’m sorry to hear that, I am sure some people do really care though! Maybe you should ask your mum what her problem is with the wedding announcement thing if her opinion is important to you. I really liked partyplanner83: ‘s idea of a housewarming/we’re married party. That would be a really nice way to announce that you’re married. In the end though it is up to you and you should do what makes you and FI happy.

Post # 6
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

JazzyGirl85:  You might be surprised.  An hour isn’t really a big deal.  I would just get some invites printed on vistaprint or something.  Put an RSVP date on there and mail them out to whoever you feel comfortable inviting.  Or follow your orig. plan.

 Just because you eloped doesn’t mean you can’t share the news.  I know people say no one will care as much as you do…but this sounds extreem.  Sounds like your mom kinda sucks…way to make it all about her.  Do what you and your FI want to do, it is your joy to share…Not your mother’s choice.  She should be embarrased for not caring about your marriage/wedding.  

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I’m actually confused now. Aren’t wedding announcements a “thing?”

If they’re not to announce the wedding to people who weren’t invited, what are they for? Where are the etiquette pros?

Post # 8
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

prahajess:  These aren’t heard of from where I am from but it could be a ‘thing’ in other countries. May I ask (because I am really not sure) why wedding announcements are sent out? Here people are either invited to the wedding and that is pretty final, or if people elope they just have a party or dinner later on 

Post # 9
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If you want to announce your marriage, just send them out. Why do you care if your mom wants you to? Is she paying for them? 

Post # 10
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

send them out anyway. your mom is being stupid. if you want to send them, send them. her “embarrassment” is not your problem. a marriage should be announced. therefore, you should send them. and enjoy it!

Post # 11
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

I sent out announcements 36 years ago. They were mostly to people we knew couldn’t attend, lived far away, etc. We did get a few gifts in return, but that wasn’t the purpose. We didn’t send them for my 1st daughter’s wedding (250 invited), but the MOG may send them for the 2nd, as she wanted to invite over 100 church friends, and the venue only holds 110 total. I vote to send them out by yourself, to whoever you want to send them to. It isn’t your mother issuing the announcement, so who cares?

 

Post # 12
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

JazzyGirl85:  You should still send them! Looking back you will probably regret it if you don’t as its something you wanted originally. Plus i think you should announce it!! You and your FI are happy and should tell the world! Posting on FB seems anticlimactic..

If she is worried it will look gift gabby you can always put something on the bottom like “gifts are not necessary thank you for your support!” maybe? 

 

Post # 14
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just send them out. Anyone that doesn’t care can throw it away, anyone that wants to congratulate you can email congrats or give you a call. Nothing wrong with sending it out either way. As long as your mother isn’t the one announcing, it doesn’t matter what she thinks. 

Certainly don’t mention gifts at all. I do not think people will feel pressure to send gifts from an announcement. 

Post # 15
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

JazzyGirl85:  So…send them out, and don’t talk to her about them. You are an adult. If you want to let people know that you got married, send out some announcements. If you prefer them to hear about it through friends/family, don’t send them out. Not sure what your mom’s reaction to this matters. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do. 

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