(Closed) Eloping WITH parents

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Ang3lfir3:  

I’m a little confused. Are you eloping (ie running away and getting married without telling anyone) or are you having an intimate destination wedding in Thailand where your parents are invited?

Not that either is better than the other, but the etiquette, as I understand it, is a little different. 

Post # 5
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Ang3lfir3:  

Okay, so kind of an elopement/surprise wedding.  I’m still a little confused why you’re discussing plans and budgets guest lists with your mom at this point. It sounds like your mom is wanting you to invite family members to attend your ceremony in Thailand, or do I misunderstand?

My suggestion is to save the wedding announcement and invitations to your family parties until after you get married.  You could have them prepared ahead of time and mail them from Thailand if you want. 

If your mom has strong feelings about the party and your parents are paying for it anyway, you could just mail the announcements, and let her take the lead in throwing the party that she wants to celebrate. You’ll already have had the wedding you want anyway, and this might mitigate some of the fallout if she feels like she still gets to plan part of the wedding. 

Personally, I wouldn’t discuss any more of the details or involve anyone in any more of the planning at this point. If you wait until the ceremony itself is accomplished, then it’s too late for people to try and pressure into changing your mind or doing what they want; it’s when the event is still in the future, and especially if you involve people in the planning discussions, that they feel that they get input into how things will happen. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Ang3lfir3:  Okay, I understand! 🙂

Yeah, I think I would have the announcements prepared to mail ahead of time, and then either mail them after the wedding, or if your mom wants to include them in the invites to the party, you could wait until those are ready. You probably want to hold off on doing party invites until after the wedding, if this is  going to be a surprise, because you can’t really set a date or time without consulting your parents on it. 

The nice thing about eloping is that even if there is fall out, at least you don’t have to deal with the pressure and stress for months leading up to the wedding.  

Post # 8
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee

Not something I would do- but if this is what you want- everyone will eventually get over it. Prepared announcement to mail out ahead of time seems lik ethe best idea.

Post # 9
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am still confused about the party part!  Do you want help on “back home reception” etiquette?

 

I don’t think a surprise wedding/surprise vacation with the future ILs is the best concept though.  If it were me I’d like to be informed, even if it’s the day of the flight at least!

Post # 11
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ang3lfir3:  That is very nice of you gusy to plan and fund their trip!  WHen will they know they are there for your wedding though?

 

What you mentioned on annoucements is fine.  They get sent out after you’ve had the wedding.  They can involve a photo or no photo.

 

Would you then send invitations separately or with the annoucement?  I forget how soon after Thailand is your party?  You can have an adult only reception, that is fine.  Most people get around this by addressing their invtations directly to the couple (not mentioning kids), or even on the RSVP card “_ of 2 seats will be reaserved.”

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