Email exchange: Am I being overly sensitive?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dannielle89:  He’s being ridiculous. 4x in the week is plenty. 1.5 hours a day is crazy town in my book. He can do it if he wants, but it’s abnormal.

Also silly that he thinks he knows your body and how you feel, better than you do. (Unless your doctor has told you to exercise daily, which I’m assuming she/he hasn’t).

I also don’t like the way he’s saying he’s mostly paying for the surgery. I don’t know how you do finances but in our marriage there’s no “my money” or “your money”, it’s all “our money”.

Post # 5
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It seems like you stepped on an issue that was boiling under the surface for him.

Have you asked him to try and keep you motivated? Did you recently mention your goals and how you want to work harder towards them? From his reaction is sounds like something akin to this has happened prior to this exchange. 

 

 

My SO plays the bad guy for me when I am lacking motivation, but I’m ok with him doing that. 

Post # 7
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@dannielle89:  I would give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that it is not sarcasm. 

Post # 8
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He is being a real jerk about this. Does he resent the cost of the procedure? Because its sure coming across that way. What business is it if his if you go to the gym it not? He’s your SO, not your damn nanny.

Post # 9
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

Looks like you hit a nerve when he responded to his “ok” with what could be read as criticism on his habits and an excuse for yours. He got defensive, and you both let loose some of the words you’ve been holding back.

Post # 10
Member
3407 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow.

Really, how is it any business of his if you feel you need a night in!

Anything more than 3 days aweek in the gym is icing as far as I am concerned.

Please update us, I certainly hope those later messages weren’t sarcastic.

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I went back and read some of your previous posts regarding your husband. It seems like this is fairly typical behavior for him. This is definitely not the first time he has tried “motivating” you. I think it’s fair to guess that your husband 1) is somewhat consumed by fitness and 2) displays controlling behavior. I think the two of you could really benefit from counseling. It’s not healthy or fair for him to manipulate you with money or to try controlling your eating and exercising habits. 

Post # 12
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This isn’t going to be popular but it reads to my like you’re trying topick an argument and he’s trying to avoid it. He’s first message seems to be out of concern for you, then he says okay after you say you want to skip tge gym. Why didn’t you leave it there? Bringing up that you don’t complain about him going to the gym is very passive agressive. Do you want to complain about him going?Of not, why bring it up?

Sorry but I think you are being overly sensitive.

Post # 13
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ImagineDragon24:  + 1

I too have read some of your previous posts. I get the very strong impression that your husband plays mindgames with you. He knows that confrontation upsets you yet he deliberately behaves in ways that will upset you.

So far as the gym is concerned, you are hardly a slacker! But ultimately, the choice of going has to be yours. You mention that you are having what I presume is cosmetic surgery. Is this his choice or yours? Only if this is something you want then that’s fine but it does come across as if he’s trying to mould the perfect wife here. Ironically given that he comes across as far from the perfect husband given his fondness for coldness and controlling behaviour.

 

Post # 14
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@dannielle89:  first, it’s unnecessary for him to even bring up that he’s paying for your surgery. Secondly, no, I’d be upset. You’re perfectly entitled to a night off!!! 

Post # 15
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have to second everything Steampunk bride. I’ve read your posts also..

Post # 16
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dannielle89:  from this and previous posts I recall your DH sounds like a total dick. Sorry. You don’t owe him or anyone an explanation and I don’t get why this would even be up for discussion and argument. Next time simply say hey just a heads up I’m skipping the gym today and leave it at that. Don’t entertain discussion. Your body, your choice.

The conversation could have and should have ended when he said ok.

 

 

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