Post # 1
So, ever since high school, I knew I wanted to be a mom. As in, I decided to be a journalist/writer so that I could freelance pretty easily and stay home when I had kids.
So fast forward quite a few years. I have a college degree under my belt, and a few years of working at a great job that I’ve been pretty successful at (not to toot my own horn). But the truth is, I want to quit and be a stay at home mom. But there’s something in me that’s embarrassed to tell my friends this. As in, we all went to college together and had strong views about being independent women and having careers, and now it feels weird to say, “I think I’m going to put my career on the back burner so that I can change diapers.”
And that’s the thing, I think there’s so much value in being a mother, and I really do want to be a SAHM, I just feel embarrassed to say it. I was the first of my friends to get married (at 24), and I’ll probably be the first to have kids too. Being a SAHM is totally accepted and encouraged in my extended family, but there seems to be a stigma among my friends.
So all you SAHMs, how did you come to a place of being proud to be a SAHM? How did you explain it to your friends? Because it’s something I desperately want to be proud of, I’m just feeling a bit bashful about it.
Post # 3
frankly, who cares what your friends think? you don’t need to talk about it with them if you don’t think they’ll be supportive. do whatever you think is best for you and your family, and if you want to be a SAHM good for you!
i know there’s sort of a feminist backlash against SAHMs, and it’s unfortunate. really though, all you can do is what you think is best, so feel confident in your decision. becoming a SAHM is a brave and laudable choice.
Post # 4
If you want to tell them, say it with pride. I feel like it’s becoming a lost art, for lack of a better phrase.
I would do it. I want to do it. I can’t wait to do it.
A SAHM should be a highly respected “career”.
And as kitzy said, who cares what they think anyway? Nothing will matter when that wee smile is aimed at you and the tiny fingers wrap themselves around your own.
Post # 5
Make new SAHM friends. You’ll probably have a harder time relating to your working mom friends once you’re a SAHM, and vice versa.
Post # 6
I understand where you’re coming from. I come from a very educated family…like if you don’t have a PhD then you’re a failure. Well, I graduated High School, got married, and I’m a housewife…we’re TTC right now:)
Before I put my foot down I was trying to decide on a career that I wouldn’t totally hate, b/c all I wanted to do was to be a wife and a mother. That is what I’m meant to do. I still find it embarrassing sometimes to tell my family my plans, afraid that they’ll think it’s a waste or whatever.
Tell your friends and stand by your decision. It’s your choice what to do with your life and if being a wife and mother is what you want to do and will make you happy, go for it! They’ll learn to support you.
Post # 7
Good point ! And you meet them pretty quick when you take the kids to playgroups, parks, etc !
My sis has twins and she met her best friend of 8 years now when they both went to a group for moms with twins
Post # 8
I can understand why you would feel this way. Frankly as long as you feel confident in your decision and don’t have any doubts about it then your friends should support you. If they are concerned for you for valid reasons, it’s okay to reassure them you’ve thought it through and it’s really what you want to do. You don’t have to defend yourself after this reassurance, it should end there.
Be prepared for changes though, it’s one thing to be the first to get married but a whole other world when you have kids and stay home. If your wedding didn’t separate your real friends, then this just might.
Post # 9
I understand what you are saying but maybe you can mention how much you’re going to teach your child, etc. You’re child will benefit a lot as he grows from having a educated mom and will likely follow your path. I hope you get what you want. Kids are A LOT of work but so sweet. Good Luck!
Post # 10
Don’t ever be embarrassed about what you really feel! I had no plans of being a mom let alone a SAHM but now that I am doing it, it is wonderful in so many ways. People don’t like what they don’t know. As long as your happy then your friends can either be happy for your or butt out. Just a heads up though! I had a baby 2 years before my BFF had her first and she pretty much ditched me faster then you can even say the word ‘ditched’. I still did my own thing and now she just had her baby and is constantly hounding me to hang out with her and keep her company. Its funny when the shoes on the other foot.
Do what you feel your heart was made to do and you’ll never have any regrets!!! P.S. Were date twins! =)
Post # 11
Ummm, I never understood the ‘we can’t do that, we’re independent women’ argument.
What could be more independent than not ‘answering to the man’ and your J-O-B everyday and instead choosing to give birth to a human being and raise them?
I wish I could afford to do this. Good for you.
Post # 12
I’m about to become a SAHM when our baby comes, and I struggle with the same exact issue! One thing I try to do is make sure people know that I don’t judge them for a different choice. I always tell them, “It’s not for everyone, and I don’t think everyone would want to do it, but I’m really looking forward to it.” Then just leave it at that. I am also going to try to be proactive about meeting new SAHM friends. Good luck lady!
Post # 13
I think confidence in your own decision would make other people respect it more. If you act like it’s a bad thing then other people will pick up on that.
For a LOT of people being a SAHM makes more sense financially. It doesn’t make sense to work 40 hours a week in the professional world and pay someone nearly all of that to watch your child. Then you’re just exhausting yourself to try to “do it all”.
If you loved your career it would be different but if you don’t and you wouldn’t miss it then I don’t see that is a huge sacrifice.
Post # 14
For as long as a can remember, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom! That WILL be my “career” and IMO, it is the hardest job out there. Yes I have a college degree and yes I have a job now but I don’t view it as a career or something I want to do long term. It is more just something to do until DH and I are ready to have children.
If these women are truely your friends, they’ll stand by your decision and if they don’t then they aren’t really good friends. Being a SAHM is a wonderful career and I venture to bet that it’s both more challenging and will be more rewarding to you than continuing to “work for the man”.
Post # 15
You have established yourself as an independent woman with the degree and career. I would take the approach that this is just as important to you, and you can have it all (baby, education, career, friends) even if it isn’t all at the same time. Plus you’re definitely setting a great example for your children about the importance of an edcuation and working hard, but also in setting priorities and family coming first. You are modeling and teaching your kids that you don’t have to do it all at the same time in order to have it all.
Post # 16
you shouldn’t have to explain to anyone about the personal choices you make, or want to make, like be a SAHM. if you have a strong desire to be one, and think it will be best for you and your family, then do it, and don’t worry about what your friends will think. if they’re really your friends, they will support you.