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I've never been in your situation, but when is your cutoff for needing to take it? I would tell him you want to have a longer discussion before taking the EC. Doesn't it make you feel really sick? If BC made you depressed, would this affect your mood as well? I don't think it is really that easy, and it is your body, so I think you deserve another chat before taking the pill.
@mrs_pugetsound: Your post has the potential to be filled with strong opinions from both sides, so let me try to phrase this all very tactfully.
I am not opposed to emergency contraception, in the general sense. I would use it if I were not married, or even if I was married, and one or both of us did not want children.
However, being in the situation you are in (married, both wanting kids, even though not right now), I probably would take the "wait and see" approach. When DH and I started dating, we only used condoms, and he was very quick to make sure I understood that we could still get pregnant (he's 10 years older than I am, I was 23 at the time, and if we did, he would 100% want us to keep the baby).
If your DH wasn't concerned, did he not think there were decent chances that you were pregnant, or would he just accept it as it happens? If you do take (or have already taken) E.C., then that's obviously between you and your husband, but I might talk to him about it first, make sure he understands that you'd rather just wait and see how it goes.
DH and I started TTC because of a pregnancy scare, and when it ended up we weren't pregnant, we were devestated, even though it was outside of our timeline. Sometimes, things just end up a little bit different.
Did you tell your husband you wouldn't mind if you got KU? I think it's a conversation you should have before you take Plan B. Perhaps he feels the same way.
I wouldn't take it, it is not good for your body. Especially if BC makes you depressed.
@christinenadine:Agree. I've done it in the past, and man those side effects were........
That's the thing I am struggling with...it is my body and (though it is our decision), I'm the one who gets to go through the side effects of it. Not to say that the side effects of pregnancy are all roses and unicorns either....I've read enough and heard enough from friends and family to know that you do get the nausea and cramps and whatnot during pregnancy, along with a myriad of other side effects. But in my head, we KNOW we want to have a family anyways, we are already married, I am okay (and would be THRILLED) at the idea of being pregnant and he knows this. We both talk about having children on a daily basis now...the only thing that is keeping me from saying "we'll wait and see" is that this doesn't fit with his timeline (I should say our timeline, but I'm ready...I just have to respect his wishes too). It makes me sad that he even suggested the EC, because we know that any time we have sex, we risk the chance of pregnancy. I don't want to feel resentful of this decision, but I wouldn't want him to feel resentful if I didn't take it and then did end up pregnant, if that makes sense. ? I know I'll just talk to him tonight about it...like you said it is between me and my DH...I just wondered if anyone thought I was weird for having second thoughts about taking the EC. I promise I'm not trying to incite drama or a politcal debate...I'm just feeling conflicted and didn't know if I should bring it up to him tonight or not. It looks like that would be the right thing to do...
@mrs_pugetsound: Oh, I never thought you were trying to incite anything! I'm sorry if I made you feel that way.
But it is YOUR decision too, and if the only reason you would take it is to follow HIS timeline, then, at least, it absolutely warrants a conversation.
If you take it, and satisfy his timeline but are left with guilt/side-effects/sadness, then that doesn't do a very big service to you. I don't exactly know what the compromise is here, but you'll have to be upfront and honest with him, without beating around the bush, and go from there.
Regardless of your decision, you need to be able to voice how you are feeling and talk with him in more depth. I would hate for you to take EC and later regret it.
I don't want to feel resentful of this decision, but I wouldn't want him to feel resentful if I didn't take it and then did end up pregnant, if that makes sense. ?
That is exactly what I'd be worried about. You don't want to spend the next few months until you actually start to TTC thinking "what if" you would be pregnant/have a baby by then. I'd definitely talk to your DH about it. At least that way you can have the peace of mind that you talked it out..instead of feeling guilty because you ended up just letting it go and going along with it. I personally wouldn't use the EC because of the side effects that others have mentioned and also just because it's not something that I believe is a good decision but when it comes to you and your DH, the two of you are the only ones that can make that decision. It's really great that you are concerned for his feeling as well as they are totally valid too.
Good luck and let us know how it goes! *Hugs*
And if I take the EC and it doesn't work, or if I don't take the EC and end up pregnant, we know we'd keep the child. That isn't even a doubt in my mind. He is just so meticulous with his life plans. I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad guy or anything, I just wish he wasn't so rigid with his idea of what a timeline should be. Realistically, we'd just be starting the baby process 8 months earlier than planned. And in the grand scheme of things, I don't get why 8 months early would be such a huge ordeal. If anything, that would be 8 months of my DH being at home to help me with a LO, since he is only on shore duty in the Navy for a few more years before he'll be going back to a submarine and getting deployed regularly. It is just aggravating right now.
But thank you all so much for your kind words and support. It is really appreciated! I love that I have a place like this to go to for insight from other women. You gals are the best!! :) I'll keep you posted on how the conversation goes tonight. I know that he'll be able to discuss things with me in a calm, rational way, and he will listen to my feelings too. Sometimes I just need a little bit of help getting the courage to bring a touchy thing like this up. Thanks for the Bee Power!! :)
@mrs_pugetsound: I would definitely talk about it, but I just wanted to mention (in case you do end up taking the EC) that not everyone gets these horrible side effects.
I have taken it once (in my case it was a positive experience), and I had absolutely no side effects. Just in case you decide to take it and are afraid for your health.
I hope things go in whatever direction you want them to. ((hugs)) Keep us updated!
Good luck with whatever you decide!
just ask about how long you can wait to take it though - I know someone personally that took it too late & it didn't work. Her baby was born at 24 weeks, spent months in the NICU & has many delays now at 4 years old. Not worth the risk, IMO, if you would keep the baby anyway.
I hope your conversation goes well and you come to an agreement you both will be happy with! :)
I have to agree with Mrs. PolarBear. Not everyone gets side effects. You can take it up to 48 hours later, but the sooner, the better.
@mrs_pugetsound: I understand how you feel somewhat. A few weeks ago we were talking about what if we got pregnant and DH said "well there's always the morning after pill". That REALLY upset me. I told him how I was feeling and we agreed that if we were to get pregnant we would wing it and have that baby, because we are married and the right ages and have somewhat enough money. That conversation made me feel a lot better because then I knew we could be on the same page. I hope the conversation with your husband goes well too!
I just wanted to give an update, since everyone was so helpful with advice yesterday. :)
I got home from work, and my DH could tell that something was bothering me (he knows me quite well...even if I say "I'm fine," he'll see through it). I told him that I was having reservations about taking the EC, and listed off all the reasons why (including that I was very excited to think we might be pregnant, I was worried about the health of the unborn if for some reason the EC did not work, I wasn't a fan of the side effects, and it was making me very sad to think that he would be resentful if we did get pregnant slightly before his proposed timeline).
I am SO glad that I talked to him about this! He was very calm and understanding. He assured me that I didn't have to take the EC if I didn't want to, and he'd support that. He also said something to me which made perfect sense (though I hadn't thought about it that way until he said it):
"Just because I have a timeline for when I think that we will be able to provide the best possible future for our child, does NOT mean that I am any less excited than you are about the thought of having a child! It is not fair to say that I 'don't want a child right now' when I DO want one very, very much! The only reason we have a timeline for when we will actively start trying is because that is when I believe that I will feel comfortable with finances so that we can give our baby the best we can provide. It doesn't mean that if it did happen right now, I wouldn't be absolutely thrilled!"
So...we're just going to "wait and see". I'm really happy to find out how he really felt about all this! If we aren't pregnant, we've agreed to keep using the condoms coupled with withdrawl up until next fall...but if accidents happen, we'll go with the flow! :)
@mrs_pugetsound: Yay! Thats a great choice. I'm secretly hoping you are preggo! Why not? It would be such a blessing;0)
I'm so happy you talked to him. I've bery pro EC if you need it. If you need it more than a few times, you really need to talk to someone about some other options, it's not good for regular use. Hoping that your outcome is good.
@Soladylike: Thanks! I'm secretly (or not-so-secretly) hoping the same thing! :)
I'm glad you decided that :) Plan B side effects are TERRIBLE...ugh! Plus, you are obviously more comfortable with this decision.
@mrs_pugetsound: and that's why I LOVE great communication! So glad you two talked and that you worked out the best plan for you guys!
Can't wait for the end of your TWW =)
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My husband and I are planning on TTC starting in August of 2012. I am not currently on birth control, and haven't been for over a year. I have been having baby rabies pretty bad lately, but have agreed that our proposed timeline for trying is a good one (so we can finish paying off his car, have a little more time with "just the two of us", and to take a nice vacation before the baby process begins). I've been getting healthy (I've lost 15 lbs! Woohoo!) and taking prenatal vitamins for about two months now. I'm 30, my DH is 27...we could support a child if one came our way, but my DH is adamant about our timeline, and I fully respect that. After all, this affects BOTH of us, and should be a mutual decision. He is excited to have a baby in the near future, but he is the type of person who wants EVERYTHING to be planned.
HOWEVER, (and I am sorry if this is TMI), the condom broke last night! Yikes! I have been tracking my cycles, and according to the fertility calculator I use my "highly fertile" days this month were Thursday through today. My DH said that he'd just run to Planned Parenthood today and pick up some Emergency Contraception for us (the Plan B pill). I agreed...but there is part of me that would just love to "wait and see" what happens!! I feel so bad for saying that, or like I am crazy or something, but I'd love to NOT have to take the EC and just ride this one out. Aarrgghh.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Am I batty for feeling this way? Obviously, we aren't in a position where it'd be the end of the world if I did end up pregnant...DH wasn't overly concerned last night when our accident happened. We know that we aren't fully protected from pregancy since we only use condoms as contraception...and we do plan on starting a family soon. (I got off of hormonal birth control because I was having some bad problems with depression and weight gain...and I want to have my body fully prepared for TTC so I bought the "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" book and plan on tracking temps starting next month so I am familiar with when I actually ovulate). Also, just as an FYI, I'd never "trick" him into getting me pregnant, because like I said...this is OUR decision. I just wish that I didn't have to take the EC and it kind of bums me out. I also don't know if this will make my next few cycles wonky. Sigh. Darnit.