- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Sorry, more of a vent than anything. Here I am, 25 weeks with my twin boys….my first and probably only pregnancy….and I’ve prided myself on NOT being self-absorbed while pregnant, going about life as always, not asking for special consideration in any cicumstance, not complaining much. Physically things are getting harder on me…It’s hard to face sometimes that the enjoyable part of pregnancy is probably almost over for me, and so soon. Just while I begin to feel those babies tap and roll around in my belly, stronger each day….it’s certainly taking toll on me. It’s literally like walking around with bricks in my loins, it’s so heavy carrying these babies around. My hips, thighs and groin ache all day and all night, my ribs are on FIRE as my uterus is already shoved up against them. Still I’ve never been happier in my life, my husband has been amazing, he’s obsessed with my belly and feeling them move, he helps me with many day to day tasks and is very comforting….everyone is very happy for us.
However, as quickly grow into the uncomfortable and ugly stage of pregnancy I find myself incredibly sad that it’s nearly over, and one huge problem that keeps nagging me each day is that there are no photos of me pregnant…just a crapload of selfies I took with my cell phone in my bathroom. My husband doesnt take photos of me, doesn’t seem interested in it, if I ask him to they turn out aweful, he only ever seems to have time when he’s relaxing around the house, and he usually wont’ stand up to take a photo so I end up deleting terrible photos he takes of me at and upward angle, revealing every lump, bump and double chin. The saddest thing is there are nearly no pictures of him and I togethether during this journey….only a couple of attemps made by friends that didn’t turn out well, too dark, can’t tell I’m pregnant, etc. He says he won’t take photos because I’ll never be happy with them. Maybe he’s right.
I just feel like we have already completley missed out on documenting this once in a lifetime experience. yes, I still have potentially 14 weeks left of carrying these babies….but I feel I grow less and less attractive each day, I feel like a beast. We don’t have the money to hire someone to take pro-pics….Mom is the only one who has offered to take some but she me very uncomfortable all she does is gush and about my belly, and it feels very forced. My mom can hardly operate a camera and it’s just so frustrating I always just want to walk away everytime she’s every tried to take photos of us, period.
I just feel so sad, I feel like everyone including DH is in the mideframe I’ll be this way forever and suddenly they will realize in about 10 weeks that I’m…GASP…going to have babies…..and THEN they will start busting out the cameras….but I will be too huge and horrid looking to have any of it by then.
I dont know why this upsets me so much…except that I know I will regret not having this time in my life documented, and it just makes me so sad. DH just brushes it off, saying I will look great later and what’s the rush, we can afford pro pics later maybe…and others have said “wait until you get bigger”…this could be incredibly vain, or dumb gripe of a pregnant person, but it hurts that there will be no cute pregnancy photos of me and my DH together or me by myself…just a bumch of me looking like a whale at my baby shower in 5 weeks.