Emotional Abuse from the parents/ambivalent fiancé

posted 2 years ago in African-American
Post # 2
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why would you want such mean people throwing you a party? Life goes on just fine with no engagement party. If it comes up again, tell them Thanks But No Thanks. Move out if you haven’t already. And i hope to god you’re not letting them pay for your wedding!

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

Have you considered cutting ties with your family? 

Your parents sound toxic, and for the sake if your sanity and health, it may be best to not be around them anymore. Nobody has the right to treat you that way, not even your parents. 

You may want to consider having friends throw your party, or just doing that yourself. I don’t think it’s a good idea to have people who treat you badly hosting events for you.

Post # 6
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Plan a wedding that you and your fiancé can pay for. There’s no way you should let your parents pay for your wedding after that scene. It is a train wreck waiting to happen, and you know it. Why would you even consider letting them pay for your wedding if all they do is shout at you? And if you’re 22 and have a job, your father can call the police all he wants. They won’t stop you from moving out. Youre over 18 and legally allowed to sign a lease so your father has no business calling the cops if you move out!

Post # 7
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

ruphiolis:  Oh, ok. 

Is it possible for you and your fiancée to forgo the engagement parties and traditional wedding and just elope, or will that put you in danger? 

Post # 9
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

ruphiolis:  If they make you feel bad about yourself and say such nasty things, the logical thing to do is sever ties and live your own life as an adult. You’re old enough. You earn money and you can take care of yourself. I do not know what craziness has gotten into their heads, but sticking around under their roof and taking thousands of dollars for a wedding is not going to make it any better. Move out. Pay for your own wedding. Invite them as guests if you want, or don’t invite them. But you need to start standing up for yourself, starting with seeing yourself to the door.

Post # 11
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

ruphiolis:  pick up the Sunday paper on your way so you can read the Apartments for Rent section in the car.

Post # 13
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

ruphiolis:  You can DEFINITELY elope if you want to. Your parents may get mad but nobody else will, honestly. Reasonable people understand that you have the right to get married however you like.

We had a quickie elopement ceremony before our destination wedding and it was so romantic and lovely. Nobody we told was remotely upset.

You’re an adult no matter what your parents say or think. That is awesome, you can leave if you want. You can go back if you want and you can take a break from them… It doesn’t have to be forever.

Post # 14
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

why don’t you move in with your fiance? honestly your parents seem awfully toxic and you should cut ties immediately. and probably elope, like the PP advised. are you in a “cult” or something? 

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