- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
I’ll start at the beginning and try to keep it short…
FI and I have been together since 2004. FSIL has been with her bf since 2003, and I get the feeling she thinks getting married is a race/competition… It should also be noted that she and I are NOT close, in fact I feel very uncomfortable around her because she flies off the handle. FI is not as close to her as he was when they were kids because of this too. He doesn’t know how to act around her because he never knows what is going to set her off.
FI and I bought a house in July 2009, and before looking at houses, talked about getting married. We both knew it was the next step that we wanted, and it was just a matter of timing. FI bought the ring in July (which I found out from FMIL, “you didn’t hear it from me” – terrible, I was so mad) and proposed in August.
In mid-July, I overheard FSIL mention that she was angry FI didn’t let her know the exact date that he was popping the question because it meant she couldn’t make her bf do it first… talk about taking the wind out of your brother’s sails?!
FI proposed at the beginning of August, and everything seemed great… seemed… we talked and decided that we wanted a small bridal party, 4 people on each side. We also talked about siblings and how, if at all, they would be involved. I have three brothers and two SILs, and he has two sisters. We decided since we wanted a small party, that we were not going to have siblings in the party, as if you ask one, in order to avoid hurt feelings, you have to ask all – which would mean my whole side is taken up with SILs, and his with 3 out of 4 being BILs.
Well, FSIL was extremely upset, but did not talk to us about it. Instead, we heard through the grapevine (FMIL, uncles on FI’s side, waitresses at her favorite watering hole that are also my friend) that she was spreading rumors/lies about our wedding, telling people I pressured him into proposing, that he wasn’t ready to be married and that our venue was over two hours away with no lodging around (it’s 45 min away, and 10 min from Boston, where there is PLENTY of lodging). That we were selfish for making people cross state lines to go to our wedding… that I was corrupting her brother because if it were up to him, he would have had her in the party in a heartbeat…
FMIL has been calling FI to tell him “how sad” his sister was because she just “loves” us so much and just “wants to be a part of his special day” and that she doesn’t understand why we won’t include her… but FSIL has shown NO interest in the wedding, except for talking behind our backs.
So then one of my BM’s backed out… and of course, we had made hard decisions to narrow it down to 4 in the first place, so I was very upset. We weren’t concerned about having an uneven number, but I was upset to have 3 when there were plenty of people I wasn’t able to ask because we limited to 4… FI and I made the decision to have his cousin’s wife (one of my best friends, also my makeup artist who has been involved with everything wedding from the beginning) walk down the aisle with her hubby who is a groomsman.
Now FSIL is even MORE mad, because she “wasn’t even second choice when someone backed out” and called FMIL to complain about us again. Now FMIL calls FI to let him know how hurt his sister is, etc… and we find out that FSIL has been at it again, spreading hateful, hurtful things about our wedding and about us.
FI feels guilty about not including her, but also says that she’s just proving that she shouldn’t have been included anyway… but you can tell it’s getting to him. I mean, these are the people who are supposed to be our support network, and they’re making the whole planning process a nightmare. There are 4 months til our wedding, and I’m not sure how much more we can take…