"Emotional cheating" – and would your SO hate the Bee?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Aquaria:  that’s not what emotionally cheating is though. An emotional affair means you’ve developed a strong inappropriate relationship with a member of your preferred gender That hadn’t progressed to physical cheating (yet). It isn’t just him doing things you don’t like or complaining about you. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@MexiPino:  I agree with you. Don’t see how this is connected at all lol. Venting about something stupid your SO did is not the same thing as emotional cheating.

Post # 6
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Aquaria:  That isnt what emotionally cheating is.

Here you go, straight from wikipedia:

Emotional cheating is an “emotional affair” is an affair which excludes physical intimacy, and is usually based on emotional intimacy. An emotional affair can also be referred to as an affair of the heart. It is a phenomenon that is not limited to married couples, affecting people in serious relationships of every type. An emotional affair may begin innocently as a friendship with a person outside the relationship. Over time, the partner becomes infatuated, obsessed in some cases, with this friend – and eventually tries to become friendlier, spending more time with him or her at the cost of the relationship that person is already in. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, irrespective of whether marriage is planned or not, and irrespective of if the couple is already married or not, an emotional affair can be considered a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt.

It is important to distinguish between an emotional affair, a healthy friendship that does not risk the present relationship, and signs of a failing relationship that have nothing to do with emotional affairs to begin with. For a heterosexual person, a relationship with a member of the opposite gender in of itself can be healthy and is not necessarily an emotional affair. If the relationship in question was poor and tenuous to begin, and problems were occurring before the extraneous relationship was formed, the term “emotional affair” is less applicable – the relationship may instead be suffering from a Relational disorder.

Trust me, if your SO was emotionally cheating on you, you would be pissed!!!

Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What are you talking about? Venting on an  internet forums is not the same as emotional cheating. I don’t have budding romantic feelings for any of you ladies while I vent or ask for advice. 

Post # 8
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Aquaria:  well in the thread I believe you are referring to, the chick sent the bee’s FI naked pics, so yeah I call that emotionally cheating since they have an ongoing relationship and it doesn’t appear she’s just a crazy stalker. A ton of inappropriate flirting assuming its not truly “innocent”. Basically, you know given enough time it will become physical. There are obvious things that require action before a penis enters an orafice. 

Post # 9
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Aquaria:  Let’s broadly define it as something that is done or said that one wouldn’t want their SO to find out about.

If we’re using that definition, I emotionally cheat on my husband with convenience store sushi… 

Post # 10
Member
11589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MexiPino:  +1 

OP, no it doesn’t mean a friendship. A friendship isn’t something someone should want to hide first off. 

To be clear – Lets say a married man met a woman. He finds her very attractive and could picture himself with her if he weren’t married. He doesn’t act on it. Can he still have lunch with her? Sure! That’s not cheating! 

But, let’s say it turns into more than that. He developes real feelings for her the more time they spend together. Feelings that far surpass friendship. They text a lot. He tells her he loves her. He tells her he misses her. They send nude pictures to each other. Say things to each other one would only say to a significant other. He hides this relationship with this woman from his wife. Things haven’t gone any farther but his wife finds the messages and emails. She figures out he has had an emotional affair. 

Post # 12
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

My SO knows all about the bee – so according to Dan Savage, I am covered, lol. But I agree with PPs you are over generalizing and also by the way making a generalization that we all complain about SOs…

Post # 13
Member
11589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Aquaria:  I think women feel betrayed more than anything when they find out their SO couldn’t come to them and talk about their problems, or how he was feeling, when instead he went to another woman. 

It could very easily be a double standard, true. If he went to a man would the wife feel the same? Who knows! It varies from woman to woman.

Post # 14
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Aquaria:  well those posters are crazy just like the posters who think their bridesmaids are jealous bitches because they refuse to take a ten day cruise for the bachelorette party. It’s hardly fair to base anything on those kinds of posts. 

Post # 15
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@WaitingDogMama:  +1 The only “complaints” I think I’ve posted about him have been silly things like how if he opens a drawer and doesn’t immediately see what he’s looking for it is “lost”. And believe me, I make fun of it to his face weekly!

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