Post # 1
So this may be more of me getting things off my chest, but I think I also need advice. Last week my FI and I went to look at a bunch of wedding venues. We don’t live in the same area as where the wedding will be, so he took time off from work and we looked at 8 different places that had a range of prices, and a range of what’s included (hotels, country clubs, historic buildings, etc).
I found this one place that I absolutely love about an hour away from my parent’s house. I prefer it so much more than any other place we saw, but it is also at the top of our budget. When we went to tour initially, my mother came with us (this was the only venue she saw) and the owner was nice. My parents went back on Sunday to meet with the owner/operator to discuss the contract and see if there was any room for negotiation. The guy would not negotiate and was apparently very inflexible and unwelcoming. My parents are both very turned off by this and are concerned about him being not so nice since we are not going to be big spenders by this location’s standards. I just talked to my mom for 1/2 an hour and I felt like for the majority of the conversation she was “yelling” at me about how this is not a good choice and we aren’t going to get good service and he’s inflexible and there will be hidden charges and things like that.
My parents have provided us with a generous wedding budget, and formerly said that we could allocate our spending as we deemed fit. I’m upset because my mom keeps implying that we would go over budget and well what would we do then. I find that insulting that she doesn’t think I can stick to cost estimates and that I would expect them to pay more.
There were some other venues that we toured that were nice. Our second favorite venue is not much cheaper, and we might have to have a Saturday DAY wedding based on the cost and availability or a Sunday wedding, which I don’t really prefer. I don’t know if I should insist to my parents this is where I want to book, or if I should pick a second choice venue I’m not nearly as happy about, or if I should keep looking. I cast a wide net to begin with an have considered over 30 places, and toured 8. This whole thing is stressing me out so much and causing me so many negative emotions I might just prefer to say screw it and go somewhere and get married just us two, although I don’t think my FI would like that.
Post # 3
i would spend some time with budgeting tools. figure out exactly how much you can spend on the venue and food, then consider all of the extras (chivari chairs, linens, different meal options, etc.) it’s very hard to stick to cost estimates, so you should build in some wiggle room.
if this venue is too expensive, keep looking. i’m sure there are others just as perfect.
Post # 4
I have spent a significant amount of time looking at the budget and getting some price estimates. This venue does fit in the budget, but there would not be as much wiggle room. My FI and I also expect that we would pick up some of the cost (regardless of where the wedding is) and my parents have agreed with that assumption. This venue also provides a substantial reduction in cost for winter weddings, as well. Although that’s not my preference, I think I would rather have a winter wedding there than anywhere else.
I guess that bigger problem is the guy’s attitude. My parents, especially my Dad, didn’t like how they were treated.
Post # 5
Oh I’m so sorry and I know how you feel. I was in a similar situation, I loved one place but my FMIL had some major issues with it not too different than what you listed. I’m not sure I’ll be helpful but Ill just tell you what I did and how I feel.
I ended up backing down and went for another good but not my dream venue. Honestly, I’m ok with it and in some ways it took some stress off because now everything doesn’t have to be perfect while I would have really got caught up in perfection with the other one. However, I will say that even now when people ask me about it I just say I like it, its simple, its easy and conveniet, and will be pretty but when someone asked about the other place I loved it sounded more like “its amazing, the views are great, and you should see the view and the lodge, and the old bar and firepits and its just so cool…” you get the idea.
So honestly I don’t know. I decided I couldn’t deal with the stress of family worrying and bugging me about my dream venue for a year so I went with the easier option of picking a place I’m happy with and my family can agree on. I think it makes some things easier but its not my dream. I just keep focusing on the fact a wedding is about the start of a marriage and family.
Post # 6
@Snowy414: Thanks for your first hand input. Even now in your post it sounds like you’re sad about not having your dream venue, though. I don’t want to spend all this money and not be happy.
The thing that kills me is that any other place isn’t going to work out to be all that different in terms of cost. This place is a hard contract to sign because a lot is included (food, drink, valet, site fee, ceremony location, chairs/tables/china), so the price tag is freaking them out.
Edit: I’m also upset because they provided this budget that I could spend on a wedding and now I’m not expected to use it??? If they wanted to spend less they should have said that from the beginning, I feel. (I don’t mean to be ungrateful, I’m just upset)
Post # 7
I felt this way about a LOT of venues! All so out of reach, but all so BEAUTIFUL! How would I ever find my dream venue for MY budget! You cant settle for the first venue you love you have to keep looking!
And in my opinon your mom’s experience says a LOT! They should have treated her like a queen, especially knowing she might be carrying that checkbook with her! You should take that and say that is definitely not something I want to even have to possibly deal with the day of my wedding let alone the next year of planning!
I think mom’s have to take a “tough love” approach and take the initiative and ask a lot of the hard questions! Our Mom’s approach is needed when we Brides-to-Be have all these pretty bells and whistles floating around and clouding our mind/vision! You have to be realistic with your budget and your wedding! And remember, what about the day after?!?! What are you going to do the day after your wedding? Are you Honeymooning? Are you goingto be completely drained from all the spending!?! Is it worth it?!!
And there is a happy Booking in my experience! we are on a very limited budget and we found our dream venue and we did have to compromise for a Sunday but it is going to be totally worth it because we are in love with EVERYTHING about this venue! The service, the ratings, well everything!!! You need to have that same expecation and same feeling all around, including your parents!
I hope you get your dream venue!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
Post # 8
@PinkBubbleGum its so crazy how similar you situation is. My dream venue included everything like yours so it was pricey. the place we picked was literally just the venue but I’m nearing the end of the major costs and it will be almost identical in price in the end.
and yes, you are right. Part of me still is sad about the other venue and it is a bummer to spend so much money and not be over the moon about it but it did take some pressure off and there are things that are better about it than my dream venue so thats good. I guess my biggest thing would be to think about if you can handle your parents freaking out about the venue for a year. I couldn’t take the stress of family squabbling. Maybe take a few weeks and research all the other vendors you will need at the other locations and show your parents. Get bids from rental companies, caterers, liquour etc etc and show them. It defintely worth a serious conversation.